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cap_ironman2013-01-03 09:18 pm
cap_ironman_fe) wrote in cap_ironman2013-01-03 09:18 pm
A Gift of Fic for silverfoxflower!
Title: We Accidentally A Relationship (1/3)
Recipient: silverfoxflower
Author/Artist: inukagome15
Universe: MCU
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight dub-con in one of the scenes, but nothing strong; just a minor kissing situation. Also some minor language.
A/N: *scratches head and looks at word count* I have a problem here… Everything I write just explodes. *sighs*
This is without a doubt the cheesiest and most romantic thing I have ever written. It is unapologetic schmoop. If Steve and Tony didn’t fit together so well as a couple, this never would have worked. Hope you enjoy! I did have fun writing it.
Thanks to ellex42 for betaing this!
Summary: In which Tony is pining and Steve is oblivious, and the Avengers and Pepper are not having this.
Relationships and Tony Stark didn’t mesh well. Actually, that was an understatement. Relationships and Tony Stark had a hate/hate relationship (see what he did there?) that usually ended in blood, sweat, or tears. Sometimes even a combination of all three.
Point number one was Tony’s relationship with Howard Stark, his dear old dad. No matter what Howard had told him from beyond the grave in a video, Tony still didn’t have any fond memories of the guy. “Greatest creation” or not, it would take a hell of a lot more than that to make up for Howard’s shitty parenting, and Tony dearly wished he could tell him that and give him a good kick in the pants.
Point number two was Tony’s relationship with Obadiah Stane. Did he need to go into any detail about that particular relationship? No? Good. All he would say was that the news lied, and Obadiah had not died in a plane crash while on vacation.
Point number three was Tony’s very short and bittersweet relationship with Yinsen. The two had connected on a level that Tony was afraid even now to identify. And Yinsen’s last words still continued to haunt him years after his ill-advised venture to Afghanistan. It was safe to say that Tony didn’t exactly miss Yinsen, but he did regret what had happened. It was also a prime example of why people should be careful about associating themselves with him.
Point number four was Rhodey. He must be some sort of angel in disguise for being able to deal with Tony for so long. It wasn’t just the money, because Tony had run off plenty of other liaisons between the military and Stark Industries before Rhodey came. Since he hadn’t left yet despite all the shit Tony had pulled, it was safe to say he wouldn’t (though the possibility still existed). Regardless, Rhodey might be Tony’s best friend, but even he couldn’t tolerate Tony’s bullshit in large doses. The way he’d made off with Tony’s suit still smarted (he might have planned for it, but the reason behind Rhodey’s snitching of his suit stung him even if they were still friends), and it might be a symptom of a larger illness that it even happened that way.
Point number five was the lovely Pepper Potts. Now she was an angel. She’d put up with far more shit than Rhodey ever had, and she was still with him. Maybe not as a girlfriend anymore because she couldn’t deal with him almost dying time after time, but as a very close friend who also happened to run his company. But maybe the fact that they’d tried a relationship and had it crash and burn because of his own destructive tendencies was a sign? He didn’t want to be alone, but if Pepper couldn’t handle being in a relationship with him, Tony didn’t know who could.
Point number six was the Avengers. …Or maybe that shouldn’t be a point yet because they were still around. And living with him.
Point number seven was Steve Rogers. But like point number six, he hadn’t actually left yet. And Tony was doing an absolutely marvelous job of keeping his absolutely gigantic crush (stop laughing, Pepper!) under wraps. It might have helped that he’d hated him almost on sight when they’d met. But a year later and a lot of time with Steve had shown Tony that the star spangled man was good all the way down to his red boots. He also had a lovely smile, a heartwarming laugh, gorgeous blond hair, and a beautiful body—
…Shit.
He was so screwed.
Steve Rogers liked to think he was on good terms with his team. It had been a year since the fight with Loki and his army, and he had spent a lot more time with his team. They were living together in a mansion that Tony had renovated after being told by Fury that putting a team of volatile superheroes in the middle of a still recovering New York was probably not a good idea.
After the fight, Steve had gone out on his own for a few months to relearn his country, only to come back to have Stark throw his stuff at him and herd him into a car before stealing him away to the mansion. Steve had been a bit concerned about Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. until he saw that Natasha and Clint were also there and both had assured him that Fury had given permission for this to happen.
Steve was kind of miffed at first that no one had thought to ask him if he was okay with it. But then he realized that if anyone had asked, he probably wouldn’t have agreed. He couldn’t have pictured himself getting along with Stark at all, and now he was living under the same roof with the man.
Any apologies he wanted to make about his insensitive and untrue remarks were ignored and deflected until he got the hint. Or rather, until Bruce told him that Stark was apparently allergic to apologies and emotional conversations. But if it was really necessary, Natasha had offered her services to tie Stark down so he would have to listen. Steve had declined the offer, as that really wouldn’t be conducive to his plan of trying to become friends with the man.
He was on good enough terms with Clint and Natasha. They sparred together and sometimes ended up watching movies together. That eventually turned into a team thing that had all of them picking movies every week. Even Stark – now Tony – got into it, albeit because Steve would drag him out of the workshop to watch.
Thor was on friendly terms with everyone. He split his time between the Avengers and his girlfriend in New Mexico, but he was a jolly personality who sometimes overwhelmed Steve with the pure force of his exuberance. No one had expected him to show up again after returning Loki to Asgard, but he had, explaining that he felt he still had much to learn before taking the throne.
No one was as close to Bruce as Tony was. Steve had made friends with him, but it was evident who Bruce was closest to because Hulk just loved Tony. Not love love, but Hulk’s unique version of affection.
As for Tony, Steve really hoped he’d gotten past their disagreements on the Helicarrier. He’d been chewed out by Tony’s girlfriend for it after she’d somehow gotten wind of the argument, but hadn’t needed the tongue lashing because he had come to his own conclusions after he’d seen Tony fly a nuke through the Chitauri portal. Given that Tony allowed him in the workshop and also let Steve manhandle him into eating regularly, he thought it was a safe bet that they were friends.
And it was great, because while Steve had been all alone at first, he wasn’t anymore. He still missed his friends and his own time, but the grief of losing everything wasn’t as strong anymore. He had new friends now who also needed to be taken care of.
Even if they didn’t think they needed it.
Besides, it was always fun going out to see New York with Tony. The man knew the funniest – if sometimes crude – anecdotes and was surprisingly sensitive to what Steve needed.
So, yeah, Steve thought it was safe to say that he was friends with all his teammates.
“Rotate it about thirty-two degrees… Okay, good… Explode the wing and – yeah, that looks good. Enlarge the – no, Dummy, not now – nose and give me the specs on the engine. …All right. Calibrate that and give me the energy outputs when you’re done.”
“Of course, sir.”
Hanging back unobtrusively in the doorway of the workshop, Pepper sighed lightly as she watched Tony work. It was pure genius on display, and it never failed to amaze her just what Tony could do when inspired.
Heaven forbid her from actually telling him anything like that. The man’s ego was inflated enough already when it came to his unparalleled intellect. The problem was his crippling low self-esteem and inability to see a good thing even when it danced in front of his nose in a skintight blue, red, and white patriotic uniform and big red boots. The proof lay in the papers she was holding right now.
Glancing down once again at the trashy tabloid covers she had memorized by now, Pepper reshuffled them so that the blaring headline of “Avenging Lovers” was at the top. There was another headline of “Captain Iron Man – Forbidden Love” and one that said “Avenging Love – Captain America and Iron Man.” And those were the tamer ones. The more risqué headlines made several insinuations that made Pepper want to set fire to the publishing companies, her supposed aloofness be damned.
“Tony?” she called, stepping into the workshop.
The sound of her voice and the click of her heels on the floor had him looking up, eyes brightening slightly as he saw her. “Pepper! Light of my life—”
“Tony,” she interrupted, the warning clear in her tone.
“—how are you?” Tony finished smoothly, beaming.
“Fine, Tony.” Pepper smiled to show that there were no hard feelings. She walked over to deposit the tabloids on the table where Dummy had set a smoothie that looked rather greasy. It was in eyesight of Tony, and she could see his eyes flicker over to skim the images before he refocused on her.
“News, Pepper?” he asked blandly.
“Yes. Do I need to remind you what you’re supposed to do when you start a new relationship?”
“Not harass them?”
Pepper barely stopped a sigh from making it past her lips. As it was, she couldn’t stop from sounding vaguely exasperated. “No. You’re supposed to tell me so that I know what to do if something hits the news.”
Tony shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “I’m not in a relationship.”
“What is this then?” Pepper held up a magazine, emblazoned with a glossy photo of Steve Rogers and Tony Stark eating hot dogs while walking in Central Park. The headline screamed “Lovers in the Park!”
“They’re tabloids, Pepper. Please don’t tell me you actually consider them trustworthy now. If you do, I can tell you that Bruce is not addicted to cocaine; he just looks stoned when he drinks a lot of tea.”
Pepper blinked, taken aback. “I wasn’t wondering.” She shook her head slightly, forcing herself to get back on the topic. “No, I’m not saying that. But when all the tabloids and The New York Times report how much time you’ve spent together and wonder if you’re in a closeted gay relationship, I suspect there may be some truth to it. Besides, Tony, you hatenmuseums, and then you’re seen in the MOMA with Steve. Is there something you want to tell me?”
Tony cocked his head slightly to the side, something flickering in his eyes. Not for the first time, Pepper wished she knew what he was thinking. For such a brilliant man, Tony could be incredibly dense. It was difficult to counteract such stupidity if she had no clue what was going on in his brain.
“We’re friends, Pepper,” Tony said finally.
“Just friends, Tony?” Pepper gave him a long-suffering look that was specifically designed to guilt-trip him, but unfortunately only occasionally worked on him. “Because these tell me something different.”
“They thought you were pregnant and hiding it for months,” Tony pointed out. “You cannot honestly be telling me that you’re interrogating me because of what the tabloids are spinning about my relationship with Captain America.”
“It’s Steve, Tony.” Pepper took a slow breath, telling herself not to lose track of the conversation. Tony tended to do that. “Whenever I ask JARVIS where you are, most of the time he tells me you’re with Steve. Not with the team, but with Steve. And whenever I try to talk with you, Steve is usually there. You can’t tell me that I’m seeing nothing here. You’re hanging out in the park with him!”
There was a short but fruitful silence. Pepper could see several ideas whirring through Tony’s mind, and she hoped he wouldn’t just lie to her.
“We’re friends, Pepper,” Tony said finally, pointing at her with a pointy thing that she didn’t recognize.
The pointy stick looked like it could possibly be lethal under the right circumstances, but the effect was promptly ruined when he accidentally poked himself in the hand. Grimacing slightly, he discarded the pointy thing while speaking at a rapid fire pace in a familiar tone that was almost a whine. “I’m just helping him get adjusted to the twenty-first century. I’m being a good team player. I can be that, can’t I? I know Natasha said I was crap at being a team player, but I can be one. So I’m doing my duty as a good teammate by spending time with him.”
Oh Lord, she’d unleashed the deflecting monster. There was almost no hope of salvaging the conversation now. Tony had hijacked it and set it on fire over the jungles of Brazil.
“Fine.” Pepper cut into the middle of his diatribe, thinking she could at least salvage something out of this. “If you’re so invested in being a good team player, then you won’t mind going to the Christmas gala the company’s holding on the twenty-third. It’s plus one, and Rhodey doesn’t count.”
Then before Tony could spin some bullshit that would get him out of the gala, Pepper turned on her heel and left.
Men could be such idiots. Maybe Steve would be better.
Curled over his papers with a pencil in hand, Bruce paid no attention to Steve bustling around in the kitchen. He was thoroughly engrossed in the process of designing a new poison to give to Natasha for a Christmas gift. It was more difficult than he’d thought it would be to make one that wouldn’t instantly corrode the material of her electric bracelets.
Maybe he should consider asking Tony for help? He was relatively certain that the man had forgotten Christmas was right around the corner, and he could team up with Tony to give Natasha a present. It would eliminate the chance of the man committing a social gaffe that would have both Clint and Natasha wanting to murder him in his sleep.
Idly tapping his pencil against the paper in thought, he didn’t look up as Clint sat down at the table, a large bowl of cereal in front of him.
“I’m making breakfast,” Steve said.
“There’s never enough for us regular mortals after you and Thor go at it,” Clint said, gesturing at Steve with his spoon. “And you always stash something away for Tony. Speaking of which, where is he? Oh, don’t tell me… You guys have some sort of domestic squabble and now you’re not talking?”
When Bruce glanced up to see Steve’s reaction, all he saw was a perplexed blink. “We didn’t have a fight. I don’t know where he is.”
“But you guys always make breakfast together.”
There was a small snort of laughter that had everyone turning to see who it was. Upon seeing Pepper Potts standing there, holding what looked like one of those tabloid magazines Tony always got a kick out of reading, Bruce looked back down at his work, keeping his ears perked for information.
If Pepper was here, then she must have already seen Tony. And if she had seen Tony, Bruce had better go down sometime soon just to make sure he wasn’t doing something even dumber than usual on account of being frustrated with Stark Industries’ general level of incompetence – Pepper notwithstanding.
“Tony burns whatever he tries to cook,” Pepper said, moving over to the table to deposit the tabloid on it.
Bruce snuck a glimpse at it, only to be hit with an eyeful of Steve and Tony eating hot dogs while taking a blissful walk in Central Park. The headlines screamed “Lovers in the Park!”
“He doesn’t really cook,” Clint explained. “He just sneaks bites of whatever Steve is making. Then Steve reads the newspaper, and Tony plays on the table with JARVIS’s holograms. It’s very sweet.”
“At least he’s eating,” Steve said defensively in response to the raised eyebrow Pepper was sporting. “He tried cooking one time, but he burned the eggs and mushrooms.”
Pepper sighed, the sound of it longsuffering. “Never mind that, Steve. Do you have anything to say about this?” She picked up the tabloid from the table, holding it up so everyone could see.
Clint gave a small choking sound that was promptly muffled by stuffing another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. Steve just seemed rather nonplussed.
“That was Wednesday afternoon,” he said slowly. “Is it bad? Tony said it was fine.”
Leaning back in his chair, pencil twirling between his fingers, Bruce couldn’t help but feel this was eerily similar to watching a train wreck in progress. You couldn’t stop looking even though you knew the end result would be rather grisly.
Pepper narrowed her eyes slightly at Steve. “You have nothing to say about what they’re saying about you?”
Steve offered a shrug. “It’s not like it’s true. Tony says they’re trash rags that’ll make up anything to get attention.” He sounded entirely earnest and completely oblivious to Pepper’s growing disbelief. “Is there a problem, Pepper?”
“So you’re just friends?” Pepper’s words seemed rehearsed, like she’d already been given this spiel by someone else. If Bruce was a betting man, he’d say it was Tony.
“Yes.” Steve nodded earnestly, which was difficult not to take seriously considering his honest face (Tony called it the sweet baby effect, as no one ever believed babies were capable of evil. Bruce thought otherwise).
Pepper stared at him for a long moment before giving a great big scoff of disgust. “Men! You’re all the same!”
Exhaling sharply in disbelief and shaking her head, Pepper turned on her heel and left, the tip-tapping of her heels echoing against the walls.
Steve blinked owlishly after her. “Was it something I said?”
Bruce ducked his head, refocusing on his work and scribbling his pencil across the paper (he was scribbling nonsense, but it wasn’t like Clint would be able to tell). He refused to take the fall for this. Besides, Clint owed him for covering for him after the archer accidentally threw away all of Natasha’s feminine products.
He could feel the glare Clint shot at his head, but didn’t waver in his dedication to covering the sheet in quadratic equations that Tony could have solved at age three.
“Steve,” Clint said finally, taking the plunge, “we can’t help but notice that you and Tony are spending a lot of time together.”
“We’re friends,” Steve protested. “Of course we spend time together.”
“ ‘Just friends,’ huh?” Clint sounded skeptical. “Friends that are banging each other?”
“What?”
“Shagging like dogs? Humping like bunnies? Friends with benefits?”
“We’re not dogs or bunnies,” Steve said, “but we are the last.”
“Ah-ha!” Clint pointed at him with the spoon. “How can you say that there’s nothing going on when there clearly is?”
“The benefits are pretty swell,” Steve continued.
“We don’t need details—”
“I just make sure Tony eats and sleeps—”
“Seriously?!” Clint’s mouth was hanging open when Bruce glanced up to see his reaction. “How do you not know what friends with benefits means?”
“Every friendship has some benefit,” Steve said completely earnestly.
Clint had the air of a man turning to his last resort. “So you and Tony are not fucking each other?”
Now there was a light pink blush covering Steve’s cheeks. “Clint! We’re just friends!”
“He makes you personalized cell phones and sets himself on fire to make sure your uniform is fireproof. That is not what just friends do!”
Bruce tactfully decided not to mention that Tony had also made the entire team fireproof uniforms. However, the inspiration for the material had come after a mission where Steve had very nearly burned alive in an old apartment complex while rescuing civilians and “goddamned puppies and kittens that can’t take care of themselves.”
“We’re not in a relationship,” Steve said slowly.
Bruce kept his head bent over his paper, not even scribbling the digits of pi anymore. He wasn’t sure what his face was saying at the moment, given the extremely high levels of obliviousness that were pervading the kitchen now. Tony’s crush on Steve was the worst kept secret in the Avengers, since everyone but Steve knew about it.
To Clint’s credit, he wasn’t giving up. “But do you want to be in one?”
“I don’t see Tony like that,” Steve insisted.
There was a short meaningful pause. Bruce risked glancing up to see if Steve was just being an idiot who was denying his feelings, only to see Clint with a rather strange expression on his face.
“Oh.” Even Clint’s voice sounded odd. “I see.”
“You do?” Steve seemed slightly disbelieving.
Clint cleared his throat. “Er…excuse me. I’m just gonna go and hit my head repeatedly against a wall. I apologize in advance, Bruce.”
Then, before either of them could say anything more, Clint slipped out of the kitchen, leaving the table vacant of his presence and the bowl of cereal he had been consuming.
Steve stared at the empty spot for a long moment and turned to Bruce. “Did I miss something?”
Bruce lightly chewed the end of his pencil, considering what he should say. He’d missed Steve’s expression, so he wasn’t entirely sure what Clint had seen that he hadn’t. That said, he should probably consult with the others before telling Steve anything.
Lifting a shoulder in a nonchalant shrug, he shook his head once before leaning over his paper again to refocus on Natasha’s Christmas present.
When he heard Steve give a sigh and turn back to making breakfast, Bruce quietly gathered his materials and scrammed.
He had a genius to see about some feelings.
He wasn’t in a relationship with Steve. He wasn’t, no matter how much he actually wanted to be. Friendship would have to be enough, and Tony was fine with that. He was. He’d take whatever Steve was willing to give.
Huffing in exasperation, he picked up the fine wire picker he’d poked himself with when talking to Pepper. If she hadn’t come down here with those rags, then he wouldn’t even be thinking about this. He was perfectly fine with the current status quo.
“Steve Rogers and I are not in a relationship,” he muttered, returning to his work on the clean energy aircraft he’d been designing before Pepper had interrupted.
“Of course, sir,” JARVIS said in a pacifying tone.
“I wasn’t talking to you, you ingrate.”
“My apologies, sir. I assumed you were looking for an answer.”
Tony rolled his eyes, but chose not to comment. JARVIS knew full well the difference between Tony talking and when he was actively conversing with JARVIS or someone imaginary (yes, he made up imaginary people; so sue him). He must be looking pretty sorry for himself if JARVIS had chosen to respond rather than remain silent.
“Never mind that,” Tony said, poking at the nose of the airplane with his tool. “Let’s get back to what we were doing before. About those calculations…”
The results popped up in front of him, allowing him to scan the readings for anything that would blow the airplane up midair or have the engine give out in the middle of a transatlantic flight. Both of those things would be very bad indeed.
Sticking the wire picking tool between his lips, Tony began tweaking the engine. The calculations showed that all energy outputs looked good, but the airplane was expending a bit too much energy during takeoff. There was no reason to settle for adequate when he could make it the best.
When he finished the latest round of tweaking, he sat back and plucked the tool out of his mouth. “Run that again and show me what it’ll look like in flight.”
JARVIS said nothing, but the blue holograms flickered out to show that he was performing the necessary calculations. Once they disappeared, Tony heard the doors open behind him.
“Are you throwing those rags in the trash, Pepper?” he asked, twirling the tool through his fingers. “I refuse to touch them on principle.”
Bruce’s warmly amused voice came from behind him. “And what principle would that be?”
Tony spun around, grinning. “Bruce!” Then he paused to wonder why Bruce was even down here (Pepper?). “Why are you here?” he asked suspiciously.
“You said I was always welcome to join you,” Bruce pointed out. “Besides, you weren’t making breakfast with Steve upstairs, so I came down to see if you were all right. Have you slept at all?”
It was morning? Tony had been sure it was around nine at night. A glance at the watch on his wrist did show that it was eight in the morning. So he’d accidentally pulled an all-nighter while working on the airplane engine. No biggie. He’d gone longer without sleep before.
“I slept the other night,” Tony said, shrugging. It was true enough.
Luckily, Bruce let that one go. He was enough of an eccentric genius himself that he understood Tony’s quirks. Unfortunately, he didn’t let the other thing go.
“What were you working on that you lost track of time?” Bruce asked. “You’re always with Steve when he’s making breakfast.”
“Contrary to popular opinion, I do actually spend time by myself,” Tony said, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yes, but you’ve never missed a morning with him since you guys started hanging out together.”
Oh crap. Tony had thought he’d been subtler than that, but apparently there was nothing subtle about spending every morning with your crush while he was making breakfast.
“I was busy,” he said, darting a glance over his shoulder to see if JARVIS was done yet. Apparently he wasn’t, even though those calculations shouldn’t take so long.
Bruce sighed lightly, leaning back to prop himself against the table behind him, seeming to fortify himself as he did. “Is…is there anything you want to tell me?”
Tony furrowed his brow for a second before realization seeped through him. His eyes widened in horror. “Oh my God… Are we talking about feelings? Why are we talking about feelings?”
“You’re the one that jumped to feelings,” Bruce pointed out immediately. “I could’ve been asking about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Trouble with SI, trouble with your suit, trouble with the team…”
“That all leads back to feelings.”
“Fine. Feelings.” Bruce leaned forward slightly. “Is there anything you want to tell me about you and Steve?”
Staring at his friend for a moment, Tony let out a sharp huff of air. “Pepper put you up to this, didn’t she?”
“No.” Bruce pointed behind him at the rags Pepper had left behind. “I’m here partly because of that and because a little bird had a very interesting conversation with someone in the kitchen.”
Tony’s heart skipped a beat in his chest, arc reactor notwithstanding. Clint had talked to Steve about his feelings? Shit, shit, shit… That was not good at all…
“Clint didn’t say anything to Steve,” Bruce added hastily, apparently reading Tony’s panic from his expression.
“Why,” Tony said, taking a slow breath, “would I be worried about that?”
Bruce looked at him incredulously. “Everyone knows, Tony.”
Oh… Oh shit.
“Everyone?” No, that was not a squeak. It was a gasp.
“Everyone but Steve,” Bruce amended, setting Tony’s frantically beating heart to rest. “I don’t know how that man is so oblivious, but he doesn’t know.”
Tony’s hands were shaking. He’d thought he’d done a good job of hiding his crush on Steve, but apparently he’d been so bad at it that everyone but Steve knew (and thank God for that). It probably didn’t help that he hung out with Steve at every available opportunity. It probably also didn’t help that he went to museums when, like Pepper said, he absolutely despised museums. It was only because of Steve that he’d gone in the first place.
And if it wasn’t a secret anymore (and apparently hadn’t been in the first place), then he really didn’t have to hide it from Bruce. Besides, he needed to talk to someone other than JARVIS, or he’d go mad.
“We’re…” Tony took another breath, pressing his fingers together in an effort to steady his hands. “We’re not together, Bruce. There’s nothing going on.”
Bruce looked down at him. “But do you want there to be?”
“What I want doesn’t matter.” Tony shrugged, interlinking his fingers to clasp his hands together. “There’s nothing on his end, Bruce.”
“Are you sure?” Bruce asked. “He might not realize—”
“I’m sure,” Tony interrupted, giving a twisted smile. “Do you know that even the old ladies in the park have started giving me pitying looks? Steve sees me as a friend and nothing more.” He exhaled sharply. “I can’t risk that friendship.”
Bruce studied him for a long moment. Then, gently, he said, “You do know that there’s nothing wrong with you, right? You deserve Steve just as much as he deserves you.”
“Oh my God, the sap.” Tony made a face at Bruce, who shot him an exasperated one in return.
“Seriously, Tony,” Bruce insisted.
“Seriously?” A quick look from Bruce told him that the man was dead serious. Tony spent a few more seconds considering just what he should say. Considering the topic, he should just go all out. “I’m a former arms manufacturer and a borderline alcoholic. I’m sarcastic, arrogant, narcissistic, and don’t play well with others. None of those qualities make me a good match with anyone, let alone Captain America. I know what’s what, Bruce. Steve Rogers getting into a relationship with Tony Stark is not something that will ever happen because a – he doesn’t feel that way for me and b – even if he did, it would be a complete disaster because I’d just ruin it. He wouldn’t be able to handle it for very long. Being friends is entirely different from being in a romantic relationship. Just look at Pepper.”
“You’re still friends.”
“My point is that it didn’t work. We were friends for years, moved into a relationship, and couldn’t make it work. I’m just lucky that Pepper decided she could still be friends with me.”
“You’re something,” Bruce said, “but it’s not lucky.”
Tony raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by Bruce quickly adding, “No, you are lucky, but so are the rest of us. Pepper didn’t stay because you were lucky, she stayed because she still cares about you regardless.” He gave a low snort of laughter. “And you’ve got to be the least narcissistic person I’ve ever met.”
“Really? Tell that to Agent Romanov.”
“Not to sound mean, but she isn’t a psychologist,” Bruce said, shrugging lightly. “She isn’t qualified to make a diagnosis like that. But that’s not the point.” He shook his head once. “The point is that you really shouldn’t put yourself down like that. Aren’t you always the one telling me to let go and live a little?”
“I would give Pepper a heart attack if I did that, and then where would we be?”
“Stop deflecting,” Bruce said sharply. “What are you scared of, Tony?”
Working his jaw, Tony met Bruce’s gaze head on. Finally, he looked away, exhaling in a long, slow breath. “I don’t have many friends,” he said eventually, eyes flicking back to Bruce. “You’re one of them. Steve is another. And I will not fuck that up because I couldn’t keep myself from doing something stupid that would freak him out.” He sounded unusually vulnerable even to his own ears, but he couldn’t do anything about it. “I can’t risk it, Bruce. I really can’t.”
This time it was Bruce who looked away first, his throat rippling as he swallowed. His head tilted slightly forward as he acquiesced. Tony couldn’t stop the relieved rush of air that escaped his lungs.
“I understand.” Bruce smiled weakly. “I don’t think it’s right, but I get it.” He pushed himself off the table and reached forward to clasp Tony on the shoulder briefly. “I’ll leave you to whatever you were doing. Get some sleep and make sure to eat.”
Tony offered a brief smile in response to Bruce’s clear concern. “Sure.”
“I will sic Steve on you,” Bruce said over his shoulder, already halfway to the exit, “if I don’t see you by lunch.”
“You’re a cruel man, Bruce,” Tony called back, turning to the empty air where JARVIS should be pulling up the calculations any second now. “JARVIS?”
“Calculations are complete, sir,” JARVIS said, showing Tony the work.
Humming absently under his breath, Tony scanned it. He’d barely gotten through the first several variables when another blue screen popped up next to the one he was working on.
He would’ve ignored it, but the picture of him and Steve admiring a butt ugly piece of art in MOMA (he’d actually been admiring Steve’s face at that time, not the piece of crap art) caught his attention. Then the headlines emblazoned on the top cinched it: STARK INDUSTRIES CONFIRMS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN IRON MAN AND CAPTAIN AMERICA
He was going to kill Pepper when he saw her next time…
Natasha was reading a book in her room when she felt a presence above her head. There was only one person in the world who could just sneak up on her like that without setting off all her internal alarms.
Not even bothering to look up from the pages, she sighed. “What is it, Clint?”
“We’re calling a meeting,” Clint’s voice said ominously from the vent in the ceiling. “Assemble in the living room on the other side of the mansion in five. Tell no one.”
Five seconds later and Clint was gone. Natasha spent several more deliberating on whether or not she should convince Tony to redo the vents so Clint couldn’t crawl around in them anymore and reconsidered because she also sometimes used them. But never for calling clandestine meetings.
Placing a bookmark in her book, she stood up and left her room, wondering just why Clint would tell her to convene in the little-used living room in the far corner of the mansion. It was largely unused except for planning pranks (Clint) or sulking (Tony). Maybe it had to do with Tony and Steve? The unresolved sexual tension there was driving her nuts. She’d never met two men who were so completely oblivious about the other’s feelings.
When she slunk into the room, only Thor, Bruce, and Clint were there. Clint was hanging upside down from the ceiling, legs hooked over a metal bar that was for some reason positioned there. Bruce looked vaguely disapproving, and Thor looked like he wanted to try it out for himself.
“Steve and Tony aren’t coming?” Natasha asked just to be sure.
“Close the door!” Clint said furtively. “This is top secret!” He gestured his arms empathically, looking ridiculous.
Natasha rolled her eyes, but complied, the door clicking shut behind her. “Mind filling us in?”
“I was enjoying the respite of the pool when you called this meeting,” Thor said. “Is there a reason Steven and Anthony are not with us?”
Clint cocked his head to the side. “It’s like twenty degrees outside. Why were you at the pool?”
“I enjoy the brisk air.”
“Okay…” Clint apparently brushed it off as an Asgardian quirk and continued, “We’re talking about Steve and Tony, which is why they’re not here.”
Natasha straightened. “Oh thank God. What’s the plan?”
“There is no plan,” Bruce said.
“There is totally a plan,” Clint disagreed. “There is half a plan. I’m just working out the kinks, because Steve not having the hots for Tony is putting a cramp in my style.”
“I do not understand. Are they not already copulating?” Thor asked curiously.
Clint scrunched his nose. “No. But that’d be totally awesome. Because if I have to see Tony moon over Steve’s perfect abs and clear azure eyes for one more day I will shoot something, and it will not be a Doombot.”
“Clear azure eyes?” Bruce asked.
Clint shrugged. “In my defense he was in the living room and overdosing on coffee. He was also saying something about a ‘perfect physique,’ but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Tony’s eccentricities aside,” Natasha said, “what’s the plan, Clint? I’m all for locking them in a broom closet.”
“I considered that, but the only thing that would achieve is driving Tony crazy because the good captain honestly doesn’t have feelings for him. Yet.”
Natasha frowned. “What?”
“Yet. I said he doesn’t have feelings for him yet. That will change, because no one can spend that much time with Tony Stark and not have the potential for falling in love with the guy because you’d go crazy otherwise.”
“Oh my God.” Bruce sounded slightly stunned. “Tony was right?”
Clint straightened down at that, swinging slightly from his perch. “What? Tony was right about what?”
“I thought he was just being an oblivious idiot,” Bruce said disbelievingly. “But he knows how Steve feels.”
“He has trouble with his own feelings,” Natasha said not unkindly. “I don’t think he can identify someone else’s.”
“He’s not that dense, Natasha,” Bruce said chidingly. “He knows, but he’s not doing anything about it because he’s afraid of alienating Steve.”
“I did not know that Steven had prejudice toward relations between two men,” Thor said, frowning slightly.
“He doesn’t,” Clint said. “Or if he does, we don’t know about it.”
“He reacted favorably to reports on LGBT rights,” Natasha said slowly. “There’s nothing to say that he’d react badly.”
“We shouldn’t do anything about it,” Bruce said firmly.
“The time for inaction has passed, Dr. Banner,” JARVIS spoke, startling all of them. A holographic blue screen appeared in the middle of the room, hovering over the coffee table. “I would advise against Captain Rogers seeing this, at the very least until some preliminary groundwork has been laid.”
Natasha stepped in front of it, eyes scanning over the breaking news that proclaimed that Stark Industries had confirmed a relationship between Iron Man and Captain America. It looked like Pepper had gotten fed up with the situation as well.
“Shit,” Bruce said oh-so-eloquently. “Tony is not going to be happy.”
“Damn,” Clint groaned. “I have a headache.”
Bruce’s shoulders shifted as he took several calming breaths. “That’s because you’re upside down. Get down before I have Thor pull you down.”
Clint flipped off the bar, stumbling slightly as his blood flow adjusted for the change. He almost fell onto the couch, but Thor’s steadying hand on his shoulder helped him stay upright.
“What’s up?” he asked, still looking rather unsteady on his feet.
“Pepper just confirmed a relationship between them,” Natasha said, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket a few seconds later.
“That was inadvisable, was it not?” Thor asked, reading over Natasha’s shoulder.
“This is going to be bad,” Bruce said, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.
“No, it’s not,” Natasha said, smiling. “I have a plan.”
Everyone looked at her.
“What?” Clint looked intrigued.
“The Stark Industries’ Christmas gala on the twenty-third,” Natasha said, holding up her phone screen so everyone could see the invitation. “Tony has to go, and he needs a date.”
She raised her eyebrows suggestively.
It took a minute before Bruce spoke again. “This is going to be so bad.”
Steve was completely confused. He didn’t like being confused. It reminded him too much of his first few days in the twenty-first century with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents poking and prodding him and numerous therapists trying to determine his mental stability.
Every time he sat down to read the news, he kept getting LOLcats on his tablet, and JARVIS was absolutely no help. He usually preferred actual physical newspapers, but for some reason Clint kept stealing them before he could read them.
The one time he’d gotten Tony to sit down and look at his tablet, Thor had come in and slung a completely befuddled and speechless Tony over his shoulder, marching him out while proclaiming something about having Tony looking at his “fair lady Jane’s marvelous work” and several other things Steve didn’t want think about because it gave him a headache.
He would’ve brushed it off as an isolated incident, but the next time he and Tony were alone again and going to watch TV, Natasha and Clint sauntered in, stealing the remote and insisting on watching some of the most awful rom-coms Steve had ever seen. Then they tried going to the park, and Bruce came with them, looking extremely calm and peaceful. For some reason, everyone stayed far away from them; there weren’t even any camera flashes.
Steve would have thought he was going crazy if Tony didn’t have a resigned look on his face whenever these things happened. The resigned look turned into a full on eye roll when Thor went with them to a museum, thoroughly hogging all of Tony’s attention even though Tony thought a da Vinci was something drawn by Paul Revere, who had been a silversmith and a hero during the American Revolution, not an Italian artist who had lived several centuries earlier and across an ocean.
So there was definitely something going on, although Steve couldn’t figure out what. He couldn’t even ask Tony about it because the two of them were never alone anymore. It was as if once the other Avengers realized they weren’t actually in a relationship – his cheeks still burned at the memory – it was a free for all.
Even breakfast wasn’t quite the same with Bruce hogging all of Tony’s attention with some geeky project or another and without his morning news.
So Steve was definitely not moping by the time the twenty-second of December rolled around. He really wasn’t.
But Natasha did look completely exasperated with him when she barged into his room and dragged him to some sort of shop for a tuxedo. This confused him even more because he already had several tuxedoes and his military uniform hanging in his closet.
“Natasha?” he asked, trying not to seem like he was staring at the obviously very expensive decor of the place.
“Shush.” She didn’t even look up from her phone. “You need a new one for tomorrow.”
Steve was relatively certain Christmas Eve wasn’t until the twenty-fourth. “What’s tomorrow?”
“The Christmas gala.” Natasha did look up now, but only to smile curtly at the man coming up to them. “Steve Rogers. I already sent you his measurements. Take your time with getting the fitting right.”
The man bowed slightly, not even flinching at the gaze of the infamous Black Widow. “Of course, ma’am. This way, sir,” he said to Steve.
Resigned to his fate, Steve sincerely hoped that this wouldn’t involve many needles.
- Part One - Part Two - Part Three -
Recipient: silverfoxflower
Author/Artist: inukagome15
Universe: MCU
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight dub-con in one of the scenes, but nothing strong; just a minor kissing situation. Also some minor language.
A/N: *scratches head and looks at word count* I have a problem here… Everything I write just explodes. *sighs*
This is without a doubt the cheesiest and most romantic thing I have ever written. It is unapologetic schmoop. If Steve and Tony didn’t fit together so well as a couple, this never would have worked. Hope you enjoy! I did have fun writing it.
Thanks to ellex42 for betaing this!
Summary: In which Tony is pining and Steve is oblivious, and the Avengers and Pepper are not having this.
Relationships and Tony Stark didn’t mesh well. Actually, that was an understatement. Relationships and Tony Stark had a hate/hate relationship (see what he did there?) that usually ended in blood, sweat, or tears. Sometimes even a combination of all three.
Point number one was Tony’s relationship with Howard Stark, his dear old dad. No matter what Howard had told him from beyond the grave in a video, Tony still didn’t have any fond memories of the guy. “Greatest creation” or not, it would take a hell of a lot more than that to make up for Howard’s shitty parenting, and Tony dearly wished he could tell him that and give him a good kick in the pants.
Point number two was Tony’s relationship with Obadiah Stane. Did he need to go into any detail about that particular relationship? No? Good. All he would say was that the news lied, and Obadiah had not died in a plane crash while on vacation.
Point number three was Tony’s very short and bittersweet relationship with Yinsen. The two had connected on a level that Tony was afraid even now to identify. And Yinsen’s last words still continued to haunt him years after his ill-advised venture to Afghanistan. It was safe to say that Tony didn’t exactly miss Yinsen, but he did regret what had happened. It was also a prime example of why people should be careful about associating themselves with him.
Point number four was Rhodey. He must be some sort of angel in disguise for being able to deal with Tony for so long. It wasn’t just the money, because Tony had run off plenty of other liaisons between the military and Stark Industries before Rhodey came. Since he hadn’t left yet despite all the shit Tony had pulled, it was safe to say he wouldn’t (though the possibility still existed). Regardless, Rhodey might be Tony’s best friend, but even he couldn’t tolerate Tony’s bullshit in large doses. The way he’d made off with Tony’s suit still smarted (he might have planned for it, but the reason behind Rhodey’s snitching of his suit stung him even if they were still friends), and it might be a symptom of a larger illness that it even happened that way.
Point number five was the lovely Pepper Potts. Now she was an angel. She’d put up with far more shit than Rhodey ever had, and she was still with him. Maybe not as a girlfriend anymore because she couldn’t deal with him almost dying time after time, but as a very close friend who also happened to run his company. But maybe the fact that they’d tried a relationship and had it crash and burn because of his own destructive tendencies was a sign? He didn’t want to be alone, but if Pepper couldn’t handle being in a relationship with him, Tony didn’t know who could.
Point number six was the Avengers. …Or maybe that shouldn’t be a point yet because they were still around. And living with him.
Point number seven was Steve Rogers. But like point number six, he hadn’t actually left yet. And Tony was doing an absolutely marvelous job of keeping his absolutely gigantic crush (stop laughing, Pepper!) under wraps. It might have helped that he’d hated him almost on sight when they’d met. But a year later and a lot of time with Steve had shown Tony that the star spangled man was good all the way down to his red boots. He also had a lovely smile, a heartwarming laugh, gorgeous blond hair, and a beautiful body—
…Shit.
He was so screwed.
Steve Rogers liked to think he was on good terms with his team. It had been a year since the fight with Loki and his army, and he had spent a lot more time with his team. They were living together in a mansion that Tony had renovated after being told by Fury that putting a team of volatile superheroes in the middle of a still recovering New York was probably not a good idea.
After the fight, Steve had gone out on his own for a few months to relearn his country, only to come back to have Stark throw his stuff at him and herd him into a car before stealing him away to the mansion. Steve had been a bit concerned about Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D. until he saw that Natasha and Clint were also there and both had assured him that Fury had given permission for this to happen.
Steve was kind of miffed at first that no one had thought to ask him if he was okay with it. But then he realized that if anyone had asked, he probably wouldn’t have agreed. He couldn’t have pictured himself getting along with Stark at all, and now he was living under the same roof with the man.
Any apologies he wanted to make about his insensitive and untrue remarks were ignored and deflected until he got the hint. Or rather, until Bruce told him that Stark was apparently allergic to apologies and emotional conversations. But if it was really necessary, Natasha had offered her services to tie Stark down so he would have to listen. Steve had declined the offer, as that really wouldn’t be conducive to his plan of trying to become friends with the man.
He was on good enough terms with Clint and Natasha. They sparred together and sometimes ended up watching movies together. That eventually turned into a team thing that had all of them picking movies every week. Even Stark – now Tony – got into it, albeit because Steve would drag him out of the workshop to watch.
Thor was on friendly terms with everyone. He split his time between the Avengers and his girlfriend in New Mexico, but he was a jolly personality who sometimes overwhelmed Steve with the pure force of his exuberance. No one had expected him to show up again after returning Loki to Asgard, but he had, explaining that he felt he still had much to learn before taking the throne.
No one was as close to Bruce as Tony was. Steve had made friends with him, but it was evident who Bruce was closest to because Hulk just loved Tony. Not love love, but Hulk’s unique version of affection.
As for Tony, Steve really hoped he’d gotten past their disagreements on the Helicarrier. He’d been chewed out by Tony’s girlfriend for it after she’d somehow gotten wind of the argument, but hadn’t needed the tongue lashing because he had come to his own conclusions after he’d seen Tony fly a nuke through the Chitauri portal. Given that Tony allowed him in the workshop and also let Steve manhandle him into eating regularly, he thought it was a safe bet that they were friends.
And it was great, because while Steve had been all alone at first, he wasn’t anymore. He still missed his friends and his own time, but the grief of losing everything wasn’t as strong anymore. He had new friends now who also needed to be taken care of.
Even if they didn’t think they needed it.
Besides, it was always fun going out to see New York with Tony. The man knew the funniest – if sometimes crude – anecdotes and was surprisingly sensitive to what Steve needed.
So, yeah, Steve thought it was safe to say that he was friends with all his teammates.
“Rotate it about thirty-two degrees… Okay, good… Explode the wing and – yeah, that looks good. Enlarge the – no, Dummy, not now – nose and give me the specs on the engine. …All right. Calibrate that and give me the energy outputs when you’re done.”
“Of course, sir.”
Hanging back unobtrusively in the doorway of the workshop, Pepper sighed lightly as she watched Tony work. It was pure genius on display, and it never failed to amaze her just what Tony could do when inspired.
Heaven forbid her from actually telling him anything like that. The man’s ego was inflated enough already when it came to his unparalleled intellect. The problem was his crippling low self-esteem and inability to see a good thing even when it danced in front of his nose in a skintight blue, red, and white patriotic uniform and big red boots. The proof lay in the papers she was holding right now.
Glancing down once again at the trashy tabloid covers she had memorized by now, Pepper reshuffled them so that the blaring headline of “Avenging Lovers” was at the top. There was another headline of “Captain Iron Man – Forbidden Love” and one that said “Avenging Love – Captain America and Iron Man.” And those were the tamer ones. The more risqué headlines made several insinuations that made Pepper want to set fire to the publishing companies, her supposed aloofness be damned.
“Tony?” she called, stepping into the workshop.
The sound of her voice and the click of her heels on the floor had him looking up, eyes brightening slightly as he saw her. “Pepper! Light of my life—”
“Tony,” she interrupted, the warning clear in her tone.
“—how are you?” Tony finished smoothly, beaming.
“Fine, Tony.” Pepper smiled to show that there were no hard feelings. She walked over to deposit the tabloids on the table where Dummy had set a smoothie that looked rather greasy. It was in eyesight of Tony, and she could see his eyes flicker over to skim the images before he refocused on her.
“News, Pepper?” he asked blandly.
“Yes. Do I need to remind you what you’re supposed to do when you start a new relationship?”
“Not harass them?”
Pepper barely stopped a sigh from making it past her lips. As it was, she couldn’t stop from sounding vaguely exasperated. “No. You’re supposed to tell me so that I know what to do if something hits the news.”
Tony shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “I’m not in a relationship.”
“What is this then?” Pepper held up a magazine, emblazoned with a glossy photo of Steve Rogers and Tony Stark eating hot dogs while walking in Central Park. The headline screamed “Lovers in the Park!”
“They’re tabloids, Pepper. Please don’t tell me you actually consider them trustworthy now. If you do, I can tell you that Bruce is not addicted to cocaine; he just looks stoned when he drinks a lot of tea.”
Pepper blinked, taken aback. “I wasn’t wondering.” She shook her head slightly, forcing herself to get back on the topic. “No, I’m not saying that. But when all the tabloids and The New York Times report how much time you’ve spent together and wonder if you’re in a closeted gay relationship, I suspect there may be some truth to it. Besides, Tony, you hatenmuseums, and then you’re seen in the MOMA with Steve. Is there something you want to tell me?”
Tony cocked his head slightly to the side, something flickering in his eyes. Not for the first time, Pepper wished she knew what he was thinking. For such a brilliant man, Tony could be incredibly dense. It was difficult to counteract such stupidity if she had no clue what was going on in his brain.
“We’re friends, Pepper,” Tony said finally.
“Just friends, Tony?” Pepper gave him a long-suffering look that was specifically designed to guilt-trip him, but unfortunately only occasionally worked on him. “Because these tell me something different.”
“They thought you were pregnant and hiding it for months,” Tony pointed out. “You cannot honestly be telling me that you’re interrogating me because of what the tabloids are spinning about my relationship with Captain America.”
“It’s Steve, Tony.” Pepper took a slow breath, telling herself not to lose track of the conversation. Tony tended to do that. “Whenever I ask JARVIS where you are, most of the time he tells me you’re with Steve. Not with the team, but with Steve. And whenever I try to talk with you, Steve is usually there. You can’t tell me that I’m seeing nothing here. You’re hanging out in the park with him!”
There was a short but fruitful silence. Pepper could see several ideas whirring through Tony’s mind, and she hoped he wouldn’t just lie to her.
“We’re friends, Pepper,” Tony said finally, pointing at her with a pointy thing that she didn’t recognize.
The pointy stick looked like it could possibly be lethal under the right circumstances, but the effect was promptly ruined when he accidentally poked himself in the hand. Grimacing slightly, he discarded the pointy thing while speaking at a rapid fire pace in a familiar tone that was almost a whine. “I’m just helping him get adjusted to the twenty-first century. I’m being a good team player. I can be that, can’t I? I know Natasha said I was crap at being a team player, but I can be one. So I’m doing my duty as a good teammate by spending time with him.”
Oh Lord, she’d unleashed the deflecting monster. There was almost no hope of salvaging the conversation now. Tony had hijacked it and set it on fire over the jungles of Brazil.
“Fine.” Pepper cut into the middle of his diatribe, thinking she could at least salvage something out of this. “If you’re so invested in being a good team player, then you won’t mind going to the Christmas gala the company’s holding on the twenty-third. It’s plus one, and Rhodey doesn’t count.”
Then before Tony could spin some bullshit that would get him out of the gala, Pepper turned on her heel and left.
Men could be such idiots. Maybe Steve would be better.
Curled over his papers with a pencil in hand, Bruce paid no attention to Steve bustling around in the kitchen. He was thoroughly engrossed in the process of designing a new poison to give to Natasha for a Christmas gift. It was more difficult than he’d thought it would be to make one that wouldn’t instantly corrode the material of her electric bracelets.
Maybe he should consider asking Tony for help? He was relatively certain that the man had forgotten Christmas was right around the corner, and he could team up with Tony to give Natasha a present. It would eliminate the chance of the man committing a social gaffe that would have both Clint and Natasha wanting to murder him in his sleep.
Idly tapping his pencil against the paper in thought, he didn’t look up as Clint sat down at the table, a large bowl of cereal in front of him.
“I’m making breakfast,” Steve said.
“There’s never enough for us regular mortals after you and Thor go at it,” Clint said, gesturing at Steve with his spoon. “And you always stash something away for Tony. Speaking of which, where is he? Oh, don’t tell me… You guys have some sort of domestic squabble and now you’re not talking?”
When Bruce glanced up to see Steve’s reaction, all he saw was a perplexed blink. “We didn’t have a fight. I don’t know where he is.”
“But you guys always make breakfast together.”
There was a small snort of laughter that had everyone turning to see who it was. Upon seeing Pepper Potts standing there, holding what looked like one of those tabloid magazines Tony always got a kick out of reading, Bruce looked back down at his work, keeping his ears perked for information.
If Pepper was here, then she must have already seen Tony. And if she had seen Tony, Bruce had better go down sometime soon just to make sure he wasn’t doing something even dumber than usual on account of being frustrated with Stark Industries’ general level of incompetence – Pepper notwithstanding.
“Tony burns whatever he tries to cook,” Pepper said, moving over to the table to deposit the tabloid on it.
Bruce snuck a glimpse at it, only to be hit with an eyeful of Steve and Tony eating hot dogs while taking a blissful walk in Central Park. The headlines screamed “Lovers in the Park!”
“He doesn’t really cook,” Clint explained. “He just sneaks bites of whatever Steve is making. Then Steve reads the newspaper, and Tony plays on the table with JARVIS’s holograms. It’s very sweet.”
“At least he’s eating,” Steve said defensively in response to the raised eyebrow Pepper was sporting. “He tried cooking one time, but he burned the eggs and mushrooms.”
Pepper sighed, the sound of it longsuffering. “Never mind that, Steve. Do you have anything to say about this?” She picked up the tabloid from the table, holding it up so everyone could see.
Clint gave a small choking sound that was promptly muffled by stuffing another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. Steve just seemed rather nonplussed.
“That was Wednesday afternoon,” he said slowly. “Is it bad? Tony said it was fine.”
Leaning back in his chair, pencil twirling between his fingers, Bruce couldn’t help but feel this was eerily similar to watching a train wreck in progress. You couldn’t stop looking even though you knew the end result would be rather grisly.
Pepper narrowed her eyes slightly at Steve. “You have nothing to say about what they’re saying about you?”
Steve offered a shrug. “It’s not like it’s true. Tony says they’re trash rags that’ll make up anything to get attention.” He sounded entirely earnest and completely oblivious to Pepper’s growing disbelief. “Is there a problem, Pepper?”
“So you’re just friends?” Pepper’s words seemed rehearsed, like she’d already been given this spiel by someone else. If Bruce was a betting man, he’d say it was Tony.
“Yes.” Steve nodded earnestly, which was difficult not to take seriously considering his honest face (Tony called it the sweet baby effect, as no one ever believed babies were capable of evil. Bruce thought otherwise).
Pepper stared at him for a long moment before giving a great big scoff of disgust. “Men! You’re all the same!”
Exhaling sharply in disbelief and shaking her head, Pepper turned on her heel and left, the tip-tapping of her heels echoing against the walls.
Steve blinked owlishly after her. “Was it something I said?”
Bruce ducked his head, refocusing on his work and scribbling his pencil across the paper (he was scribbling nonsense, but it wasn’t like Clint would be able to tell). He refused to take the fall for this. Besides, Clint owed him for covering for him after the archer accidentally threw away all of Natasha’s feminine products.
He could feel the glare Clint shot at his head, but didn’t waver in his dedication to covering the sheet in quadratic equations that Tony could have solved at age three.
“Steve,” Clint said finally, taking the plunge, “we can’t help but notice that you and Tony are spending a lot of time together.”
“We’re friends,” Steve protested. “Of course we spend time together.”
“ ‘Just friends,’ huh?” Clint sounded skeptical. “Friends that are banging each other?”
“What?”
“Shagging like dogs? Humping like bunnies? Friends with benefits?”
“We’re not dogs or bunnies,” Steve said, “but we are the last.”
“Ah-ha!” Clint pointed at him with the spoon. “How can you say that there’s nothing going on when there clearly is?”
“The benefits are pretty swell,” Steve continued.
“We don’t need details—”
“I just make sure Tony eats and sleeps—”
“Seriously?!” Clint’s mouth was hanging open when Bruce glanced up to see his reaction. “How do you not know what friends with benefits means?”
“Every friendship has some benefit,” Steve said completely earnestly.
Clint had the air of a man turning to his last resort. “So you and Tony are not fucking each other?”
Now there was a light pink blush covering Steve’s cheeks. “Clint! We’re just friends!”
“He makes you personalized cell phones and sets himself on fire to make sure your uniform is fireproof. That is not what just friends do!”
Bruce tactfully decided not to mention that Tony had also made the entire team fireproof uniforms. However, the inspiration for the material had come after a mission where Steve had very nearly burned alive in an old apartment complex while rescuing civilians and “goddamned puppies and kittens that can’t take care of themselves.”
“We’re not in a relationship,” Steve said slowly.
Bruce kept his head bent over his paper, not even scribbling the digits of pi anymore. He wasn’t sure what his face was saying at the moment, given the extremely high levels of obliviousness that were pervading the kitchen now. Tony’s crush on Steve was the worst kept secret in the Avengers, since everyone but Steve knew about it.
To Clint’s credit, he wasn’t giving up. “But do you want to be in one?”
“I don’t see Tony like that,” Steve insisted.
There was a short meaningful pause. Bruce risked glancing up to see if Steve was just being an idiot who was denying his feelings, only to see Clint with a rather strange expression on his face.
“Oh.” Even Clint’s voice sounded odd. “I see.”
“You do?” Steve seemed slightly disbelieving.
Clint cleared his throat. “Er…excuse me. I’m just gonna go and hit my head repeatedly against a wall. I apologize in advance, Bruce.”
Then, before either of them could say anything more, Clint slipped out of the kitchen, leaving the table vacant of his presence and the bowl of cereal he had been consuming.
Steve stared at the empty spot for a long moment and turned to Bruce. “Did I miss something?”
Bruce lightly chewed the end of his pencil, considering what he should say. He’d missed Steve’s expression, so he wasn’t entirely sure what Clint had seen that he hadn’t. That said, he should probably consult with the others before telling Steve anything.
Lifting a shoulder in a nonchalant shrug, he shook his head once before leaning over his paper again to refocus on Natasha’s Christmas present.
When he heard Steve give a sigh and turn back to making breakfast, Bruce quietly gathered his materials and scrammed.
He had a genius to see about some feelings.
He wasn’t in a relationship with Steve. He wasn’t, no matter how much he actually wanted to be. Friendship would have to be enough, and Tony was fine with that. He was. He’d take whatever Steve was willing to give.
Huffing in exasperation, he picked up the fine wire picker he’d poked himself with when talking to Pepper. If she hadn’t come down here with those rags, then he wouldn’t even be thinking about this. He was perfectly fine with the current status quo.
“Steve Rogers and I are not in a relationship,” he muttered, returning to his work on the clean energy aircraft he’d been designing before Pepper had interrupted.
“Of course, sir,” JARVIS said in a pacifying tone.
“I wasn’t talking to you, you ingrate.”
“My apologies, sir. I assumed you were looking for an answer.”
Tony rolled his eyes, but chose not to comment. JARVIS knew full well the difference between Tony talking and when he was actively conversing with JARVIS or someone imaginary (yes, he made up imaginary people; so sue him). He must be looking pretty sorry for himself if JARVIS had chosen to respond rather than remain silent.
“Never mind that,” Tony said, poking at the nose of the airplane with his tool. “Let’s get back to what we were doing before. About those calculations…”
The results popped up in front of him, allowing him to scan the readings for anything that would blow the airplane up midair or have the engine give out in the middle of a transatlantic flight. Both of those things would be very bad indeed.
Sticking the wire picking tool between his lips, Tony began tweaking the engine. The calculations showed that all energy outputs looked good, but the airplane was expending a bit too much energy during takeoff. There was no reason to settle for adequate when he could make it the best.
When he finished the latest round of tweaking, he sat back and plucked the tool out of his mouth. “Run that again and show me what it’ll look like in flight.”
JARVIS said nothing, but the blue holograms flickered out to show that he was performing the necessary calculations. Once they disappeared, Tony heard the doors open behind him.
“Are you throwing those rags in the trash, Pepper?” he asked, twirling the tool through his fingers. “I refuse to touch them on principle.”
Bruce’s warmly amused voice came from behind him. “And what principle would that be?”
Tony spun around, grinning. “Bruce!” Then he paused to wonder why Bruce was even down here (Pepper?). “Why are you here?” he asked suspiciously.
“You said I was always welcome to join you,” Bruce pointed out. “Besides, you weren’t making breakfast with Steve upstairs, so I came down to see if you were all right. Have you slept at all?”
It was morning? Tony had been sure it was around nine at night. A glance at the watch on his wrist did show that it was eight in the morning. So he’d accidentally pulled an all-nighter while working on the airplane engine. No biggie. He’d gone longer without sleep before.
“I slept the other night,” Tony said, shrugging. It was true enough.
Luckily, Bruce let that one go. He was enough of an eccentric genius himself that he understood Tony’s quirks. Unfortunately, he didn’t let the other thing go.
“What were you working on that you lost track of time?” Bruce asked. “You’re always with Steve when he’s making breakfast.”
“Contrary to popular opinion, I do actually spend time by myself,” Tony said, folding his arms across his chest.
“Yes, but you’ve never missed a morning with him since you guys started hanging out together.”
Oh crap. Tony had thought he’d been subtler than that, but apparently there was nothing subtle about spending every morning with your crush while he was making breakfast.
“I was busy,” he said, darting a glance over his shoulder to see if JARVIS was done yet. Apparently he wasn’t, even though those calculations shouldn’t take so long.
Bruce sighed lightly, leaning back to prop himself against the table behind him, seeming to fortify himself as he did. “Is…is there anything you want to tell me?”
Tony furrowed his brow for a second before realization seeped through him. His eyes widened in horror. “Oh my God… Are we talking about feelings? Why are we talking about feelings?”
“You’re the one that jumped to feelings,” Bruce pointed out immediately. “I could’ve been asking about something else.”
“Like what?”
“Trouble with SI, trouble with your suit, trouble with the team…”
“That all leads back to feelings.”
“Fine. Feelings.” Bruce leaned forward slightly. “Is there anything you want to tell me about you and Steve?”
Staring at his friend for a moment, Tony let out a sharp huff of air. “Pepper put you up to this, didn’t she?”
“No.” Bruce pointed behind him at the rags Pepper had left behind. “I’m here partly because of that and because a little bird had a very interesting conversation with someone in the kitchen.”
Tony’s heart skipped a beat in his chest, arc reactor notwithstanding. Clint had talked to Steve about his feelings? Shit, shit, shit… That was not good at all…
“Clint didn’t say anything to Steve,” Bruce added hastily, apparently reading Tony’s panic from his expression.
“Why,” Tony said, taking a slow breath, “would I be worried about that?”
Bruce looked at him incredulously. “Everyone knows, Tony.”
Oh… Oh shit.
“Everyone?” No, that was not a squeak. It was a gasp.
“Everyone but Steve,” Bruce amended, setting Tony’s frantically beating heart to rest. “I don’t know how that man is so oblivious, but he doesn’t know.”
Tony’s hands were shaking. He’d thought he’d done a good job of hiding his crush on Steve, but apparently he’d been so bad at it that everyone but Steve knew (and thank God for that). It probably didn’t help that he hung out with Steve at every available opportunity. It probably also didn’t help that he went to museums when, like Pepper said, he absolutely despised museums. It was only because of Steve that he’d gone in the first place.
And if it wasn’t a secret anymore (and apparently hadn’t been in the first place), then he really didn’t have to hide it from Bruce. Besides, he needed to talk to someone other than JARVIS, or he’d go mad.
“We’re…” Tony took another breath, pressing his fingers together in an effort to steady his hands. “We’re not together, Bruce. There’s nothing going on.”
Bruce looked down at him. “But do you want there to be?”
“What I want doesn’t matter.” Tony shrugged, interlinking his fingers to clasp his hands together. “There’s nothing on his end, Bruce.”
“Are you sure?” Bruce asked. “He might not realize—”
“I’m sure,” Tony interrupted, giving a twisted smile. “Do you know that even the old ladies in the park have started giving me pitying looks? Steve sees me as a friend and nothing more.” He exhaled sharply. “I can’t risk that friendship.”
Bruce studied him for a long moment. Then, gently, he said, “You do know that there’s nothing wrong with you, right? You deserve Steve just as much as he deserves you.”
“Oh my God, the sap.” Tony made a face at Bruce, who shot him an exasperated one in return.
“Seriously, Tony,” Bruce insisted.
“Seriously?” A quick look from Bruce told him that the man was dead serious. Tony spent a few more seconds considering just what he should say. Considering the topic, he should just go all out. “I’m a former arms manufacturer and a borderline alcoholic. I’m sarcastic, arrogant, narcissistic, and don’t play well with others. None of those qualities make me a good match with anyone, let alone Captain America. I know what’s what, Bruce. Steve Rogers getting into a relationship with Tony Stark is not something that will ever happen because a – he doesn’t feel that way for me and b – even if he did, it would be a complete disaster because I’d just ruin it. He wouldn’t be able to handle it for very long. Being friends is entirely different from being in a romantic relationship. Just look at Pepper.”
“You’re still friends.”
“My point is that it didn’t work. We were friends for years, moved into a relationship, and couldn’t make it work. I’m just lucky that Pepper decided she could still be friends with me.”
“You’re something,” Bruce said, “but it’s not lucky.”
Tony raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by Bruce quickly adding, “No, you are lucky, but so are the rest of us. Pepper didn’t stay because you were lucky, she stayed because she still cares about you regardless.” He gave a low snort of laughter. “And you’ve got to be the least narcissistic person I’ve ever met.”
“Really? Tell that to Agent Romanov.”
“Not to sound mean, but she isn’t a psychologist,” Bruce said, shrugging lightly. “She isn’t qualified to make a diagnosis like that. But that’s not the point.” He shook his head once. “The point is that you really shouldn’t put yourself down like that. Aren’t you always the one telling me to let go and live a little?”
“I would give Pepper a heart attack if I did that, and then where would we be?”
“Stop deflecting,” Bruce said sharply. “What are you scared of, Tony?”
Working his jaw, Tony met Bruce’s gaze head on. Finally, he looked away, exhaling in a long, slow breath. “I don’t have many friends,” he said eventually, eyes flicking back to Bruce. “You’re one of them. Steve is another. And I will not fuck that up because I couldn’t keep myself from doing something stupid that would freak him out.” He sounded unusually vulnerable even to his own ears, but he couldn’t do anything about it. “I can’t risk it, Bruce. I really can’t.”
This time it was Bruce who looked away first, his throat rippling as he swallowed. His head tilted slightly forward as he acquiesced. Tony couldn’t stop the relieved rush of air that escaped his lungs.
“I understand.” Bruce smiled weakly. “I don’t think it’s right, but I get it.” He pushed himself off the table and reached forward to clasp Tony on the shoulder briefly. “I’ll leave you to whatever you were doing. Get some sleep and make sure to eat.”
Tony offered a brief smile in response to Bruce’s clear concern. “Sure.”
“I will sic Steve on you,” Bruce said over his shoulder, already halfway to the exit, “if I don’t see you by lunch.”
“You’re a cruel man, Bruce,” Tony called back, turning to the empty air where JARVIS should be pulling up the calculations any second now. “JARVIS?”
“Calculations are complete, sir,” JARVIS said, showing Tony the work.
Humming absently under his breath, Tony scanned it. He’d barely gotten through the first several variables when another blue screen popped up next to the one he was working on.
He would’ve ignored it, but the picture of him and Steve admiring a butt ugly piece of art in MOMA (he’d actually been admiring Steve’s face at that time, not the piece of crap art) caught his attention. Then the headlines emblazoned on the top cinched it: STARK INDUSTRIES CONFIRMS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN IRON MAN AND CAPTAIN AMERICA
He was going to kill Pepper when he saw her next time…
Natasha was reading a book in her room when she felt a presence above her head. There was only one person in the world who could just sneak up on her like that without setting off all her internal alarms.
Not even bothering to look up from the pages, she sighed. “What is it, Clint?”
“We’re calling a meeting,” Clint’s voice said ominously from the vent in the ceiling. “Assemble in the living room on the other side of the mansion in five. Tell no one.”
Five seconds later and Clint was gone. Natasha spent several more deliberating on whether or not she should convince Tony to redo the vents so Clint couldn’t crawl around in them anymore and reconsidered because she also sometimes used them. But never for calling clandestine meetings.
Placing a bookmark in her book, she stood up and left her room, wondering just why Clint would tell her to convene in the little-used living room in the far corner of the mansion. It was largely unused except for planning pranks (Clint) or sulking (Tony). Maybe it had to do with Tony and Steve? The unresolved sexual tension there was driving her nuts. She’d never met two men who were so completely oblivious about the other’s feelings.
When she slunk into the room, only Thor, Bruce, and Clint were there. Clint was hanging upside down from the ceiling, legs hooked over a metal bar that was for some reason positioned there. Bruce looked vaguely disapproving, and Thor looked like he wanted to try it out for himself.
“Steve and Tony aren’t coming?” Natasha asked just to be sure.
“Close the door!” Clint said furtively. “This is top secret!” He gestured his arms empathically, looking ridiculous.
Natasha rolled her eyes, but complied, the door clicking shut behind her. “Mind filling us in?”
“I was enjoying the respite of the pool when you called this meeting,” Thor said. “Is there a reason Steven and Anthony are not with us?”
Clint cocked his head to the side. “It’s like twenty degrees outside. Why were you at the pool?”
“I enjoy the brisk air.”
“Okay…” Clint apparently brushed it off as an Asgardian quirk and continued, “We’re talking about Steve and Tony, which is why they’re not here.”
Natasha straightened. “Oh thank God. What’s the plan?”
“There is no plan,” Bruce said.
“There is totally a plan,” Clint disagreed. “There is half a plan. I’m just working out the kinks, because Steve not having the hots for Tony is putting a cramp in my style.”
“I do not understand. Are they not already copulating?” Thor asked curiously.
Clint scrunched his nose. “No. But that’d be totally awesome. Because if I have to see Tony moon over Steve’s perfect abs and clear azure eyes for one more day I will shoot something, and it will not be a Doombot.”
“Clear azure eyes?” Bruce asked.
Clint shrugged. “In my defense he was in the living room and overdosing on coffee. He was also saying something about a ‘perfect physique,’ but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“Tony’s eccentricities aside,” Natasha said, “what’s the plan, Clint? I’m all for locking them in a broom closet.”
“I considered that, but the only thing that would achieve is driving Tony crazy because the good captain honestly doesn’t have feelings for him. Yet.”
Natasha frowned. “What?”
“Yet. I said he doesn’t have feelings for him yet. That will change, because no one can spend that much time with Tony Stark and not have the potential for falling in love with the guy because you’d go crazy otherwise.”
“Oh my God.” Bruce sounded slightly stunned. “Tony was right?”
Clint straightened down at that, swinging slightly from his perch. “What? Tony was right about what?”
“I thought he was just being an oblivious idiot,” Bruce said disbelievingly. “But he knows how Steve feels.”
“He has trouble with his own feelings,” Natasha said not unkindly. “I don’t think he can identify someone else’s.”
“He’s not that dense, Natasha,” Bruce said chidingly. “He knows, but he’s not doing anything about it because he’s afraid of alienating Steve.”
“I did not know that Steven had prejudice toward relations between two men,” Thor said, frowning slightly.
“He doesn’t,” Clint said. “Or if he does, we don’t know about it.”
“He reacted favorably to reports on LGBT rights,” Natasha said slowly. “There’s nothing to say that he’d react badly.”
“We shouldn’t do anything about it,” Bruce said firmly.
“The time for inaction has passed, Dr. Banner,” JARVIS spoke, startling all of them. A holographic blue screen appeared in the middle of the room, hovering over the coffee table. “I would advise against Captain Rogers seeing this, at the very least until some preliminary groundwork has been laid.”
Natasha stepped in front of it, eyes scanning over the breaking news that proclaimed that Stark Industries had confirmed a relationship between Iron Man and Captain America. It looked like Pepper had gotten fed up with the situation as well.
“Shit,” Bruce said oh-so-eloquently. “Tony is not going to be happy.”
“Damn,” Clint groaned. “I have a headache.”
Bruce’s shoulders shifted as he took several calming breaths. “That’s because you’re upside down. Get down before I have Thor pull you down.”
Clint flipped off the bar, stumbling slightly as his blood flow adjusted for the change. He almost fell onto the couch, but Thor’s steadying hand on his shoulder helped him stay upright.
“What’s up?” he asked, still looking rather unsteady on his feet.
“Pepper just confirmed a relationship between them,” Natasha said, feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket a few seconds later.
“That was inadvisable, was it not?” Thor asked, reading over Natasha’s shoulder.
“This is going to be bad,” Bruce said, rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand.
“No, it’s not,” Natasha said, smiling. “I have a plan.”
Everyone looked at her.
“What?” Clint looked intrigued.
“The Stark Industries’ Christmas gala on the twenty-third,” Natasha said, holding up her phone screen so everyone could see the invitation. “Tony has to go, and he needs a date.”
She raised her eyebrows suggestively.
It took a minute before Bruce spoke again. “This is going to be so bad.”
Steve was completely confused. He didn’t like being confused. It reminded him too much of his first few days in the twenty-first century with S.H.I.E.L.D. agents poking and prodding him and numerous therapists trying to determine his mental stability.
Every time he sat down to read the news, he kept getting LOLcats on his tablet, and JARVIS was absolutely no help. He usually preferred actual physical newspapers, but for some reason Clint kept stealing them before he could read them.
The one time he’d gotten Tony to sit down and look at his tablet, Thor had come in and slung a completely befuddled and speechless Tony over his shoulder, marching him out while proclaiming something about having Tony looking at his “fair lady Jane’s marvelous work” and several other things Steve didn’t want think about because it gave him a headache.
He would’ve brushed it off as an isolated incident, but the next time he and Tony were alone again and going to watch TV, Natasha and Clint sauntered in, stealing the remote and insisting on watching some of the most awful rom-coms Steve had ever seen. Then they tried going to the park, and Bruce came with them, looking extremely calm and peaceful. For some reason, everyone stayed far away from them; there weren’t even any camera flashes.
Steve would have thought he was going crazy if Tony didn’t have a resigned look on his face whenever these things happened. The resigned look turned into a full on eye roll when Thor went with them to a museum, thoroughly hogging all of Tony’s attention even though Tony thought a da Vinci was something drawn by Paul Revere, who had been a silversmith and a hero during the American Revolution, not an Italian artist who had lived several centuries earlier and across an ocean.
So there was definitely something going on, although Steve couldn’t figure out what. He couldn’t even ask Tony about it because the two of them were never alone anymore. It was as if once the other Avengers realized they weren’t actually in a relationship – his cheeks still burned at the memory – it was a free for all.
Even breakfast wasn’t quite the same with Bruce hogging all of Tony’s attention with some geeky project or another and without his morning news.
So Steve was definitely not moping by the time the twenty-second of December rolled around. He really wasn’t.
But Natasha did look completely exasperated with him when she barged into his room and dragged him to some sort of shop for a tuxedo. This confused him even more because he already had several tuxedoes and his military uniform hanging in his closet.
“Natasha?” he asked, trying not to seem like he was staring at the obviously very expensive decor of the place.
“Shush.” She didn’t even look up from her phone. “You need a new one for tomorrow.”
Steve was relatively certain Christmas Eve wasn’t until the twenty-fourth. “What’s tomorrow?”
“The Christmas gala.” Natasha did look up now, but only to smile curtly at the man coming up to them. “Steve Rogers. I already sent you his measurements. Take your time with getting the fitting right.”
The man bowed slightly, not even flinching at the gaze of the infamous Black Widow. “Of course, ma’am. This way, sir,” he said to Steve.
Resigned to his fate, Steve sincerely hoped that this wouldn’t involve many needles.
- Part One - Part Two - Part Three -