This is a great overview for a confusing topic. I'd like to add another option for people just getting into comics: check out your local library. I know not everyone has a convenient local library (or book mobile) and not every library has a good comics collection, but it's worth checking out. My library system (the 53 libraries of the South Central Library System in Wisconsin) has a fantastic comics collection. Last time I visited my local comic shop, I found out from the owner that he personally helped the librarians pick out which comics to buy for the library, which is probably one reason they have such a great collection.

I love all your recommendations. I can't remember quite where I started, but I know Iron Man: Extremes and Iron Man: Execute Program were some of the first trades I read. Extremis doesn't have Cap in it, but Execute Program does, and then one can go right into Iron Man: Civil War with enough background information for maximum angst. ;-) So I'll throw that out there, especially for those fans who are also starting the 2004 New Avengers series.