ext_111457 ([identity profile] helva2260.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] cap_ironman 2008-11-28 12:26 pm (UTC)

Iron Man's words cut deep, echoing over and over in Captain America's troubled mind long after the heavy clank of metal boots had faded away. He was alone with his thoughts, oblivious to the howling, rain-swept wind and the storm-forged thunder -- okay-- he wasn't so oblivious to the fact the rain was soaking through the leather of his uniform. In fact the rain was sort of annoying and Steve feeling nearly pathetic enough to stand in it feeling sorry for himself.

But he could do that inside.


This is so fun and sweet. I'm completely looking forward to the next two parts. I love the way you start with canon and then go: yeah, well Steve might be feeling a bit woobie, but he's just too practical not to notice the rain dribbling down his back! As much as I love the gloriously OTT scene-setting of canon, who on earth came up with "rain-swept wind"?! If it were "wind-swept rain", that would work, because rain being gusted into odd directions by wind, y'know, happens! But the other way around? Rain cannot move wind! *coughs* Um, yeah...</ end science geek rant>

Also, I think there might be a word missing somewhere in "In fact the rain was sort of annoying and Steve feeling nearly pathetic enough to stand in it feeling sorry for himself."

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