Mrmmm... this is kind of hard, because IC-Tony is rarely an asshole without reason, or in really huge and notable ways. Most of the things I can think of are directly related to his drinking, his mental health problems or a plot where he was acting in a rational-once-you-know-everything manner. :\ Civil War, whichever side you were on, was an anomaly.
I don't think he's really an asshole at all, TBH. Even in your examples. I can't speak for the cryogenic freezing (haven't read that), but the time he dated Jan was almost definitely due to him being afraid she'd back out if he revealed his identity (a pretty understandable worry). The time he was drunk and rude to Jarvis, the man was in the middle of attempted suicide-by-alcohol, which completely changes the situation. And with Rumiko, I think you're talking about the Sentient Armor arc? Where the armor was essentially being an abusive boyfriend and probably would have killed Rumiko if Tony had responded? Also completely changes the situation.
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I don't think he's really an asshole at all, TBH. Even in your examples. I can't speak for the cryogenic freezing (haven't read that), but the time he dated Jan was almost definitely due to him being afraid she'd back out if he revealed his identity (a pretty understandable worry). The time he was drunk and rude to Jarvis, the man was in the middle of attempted suicide-by-alcohol, which completely changes the situation. And with Rumiko, I think you're talking about the Sentient Armor arc? Where the armor was essentially being an abusive boyfriend and probably would have killed Rumiko if Tony had responded? Also completely changes the situation.