cap_ironman | Bingo Fill: (complete Bottom Row) : Tale with a Hoppy Ending

Completes the bottom row:
Tall Tale Tale with a Hoppy Ending
Photo Prompt (Natasha Stark and Steve Rogers wedding kiss)Popping the Question
(social) Media Tumbled Upon
Fourth of July Sparks
De-powered Stripped Down

Tale with a Hoppy Ending (736 words) by AnonEhouse
Rating: Gen
Warnings:None
Universe: 616
Genre:Fluffy, Crack, AU

Synopsis- In the hospital, groggy Tony tells Steve a story.

A fill for the Tall Tale square on my Bingo card.

"So, there we were, transformed into frogs."

"Sure you were," Steve said. "And I was an otter. I always wanted to be an otter."

"Who's telling this story, you or me?" Tony asked. "Besides, you'd probably be a bald eagle, or a lion or maybe a golden retriever." Tony reached for the morphine button, but then stopped and put his hand down.

"Right, right," Steve said. Tony was in a lot of pain, but he was terrified of getting addicted so Steve had volunteered to stay with him and distract him.

"We. WERE. Frogs. Me, Thor and Bucky. And I tell you it was weird seeing a frog with a metal arm." Tony looked at the ceiling then at Steve. "I don't know why he had the arm. I mean, Thor and I were frog naked, and, you know... slimy. I would have thought either my suit would have become an Iron Frog suit, or else Bucky would have been a sad, three-legged amPHIBian," Tony took his time over the word and grinned when he got it right. The painkiller had got him high as a kite, even though it hadn't worked as well on the pain.

"So... so..."

"So," Steve prompted, seeing Tony look at the button again.

"So, we'd been transformed by this Chinese dragon named Fin Fang Foom." Tony paused, as if giving Steve an opportunity to say something, then he went on. "Only he wasn't Chinese. Or a dragon. He's an alien. You could tell because he wore shorts. Dragons don't wear shorts."

"That's true," Steve said, seriously. He took Tony's wandering hand gently between his. "Why did this alien turn the three of you into frogs?"

"I'm not... quite clear on that point. Oh, the shorts were purple. I should have known Fang wasn't a bad guy. Good guys wear purple. Like Hulk and Hawkeye. Except for the Purple Man, he's a disgusting misogynistic rapist pervert." Tony's eyelids drooped.

"Uh huh." Maybe Tony would fall asleep.

Tony's head jerked up and he was talking again before his eyes opened. "So, like I said, there we were all amphibian, and not much use, but Thor had a friend among the frogs. I think a big goat kicked Thor's hammer, and this little frog got the chip and become THROG, the mighty warrior! You know, like Thor. Except green, and with bulgy eyes." Tony closed his eyes for a moment. "It was weird being a frog. I mean. I'm pretty sure I was still a guy frog, but there was nothing there! It was sad. So, so, Thor's eye went all creepy white and there was lightning and this frog shows up dressed like Thor and with a hammer and all. And then Throg, that's this guy, frog... calls a bunch of animals... pets telepathically. They were connected by a rock? And you know, we were frogs so who were we to complain about being helped by cats and dogs and birds and I think there was a dragon. But a little one. Not one of Fang's bunch."

"So we went out like brave frogs." Tony groped for the water glass beside his bed. Steve let go of his hand to hold the glass for him while he drank.

"Thanks. Thinking of frogs makes me thirsty. So we were brave frogs and we got the crap kicked out of us, and the pets didn't do much better. I mean we were fighting freakin' dragons. And maybe some heroes were fighting the dragons? It got a little fuzzy about the time someone drop kicked me. I remember... pretty legs. Maybe?"

"Uh huh."

"And then one of the dogs. The little white one, not the big brown one with the tuning fork on his head, that one. It barked or something, and the pets started defending Fang and his dragons. That was, you know, annoying." Tony closed his eyes again. Steve put the glass down and pulled up the covers.

Tony wriggled and reached out blindly. "Turned out the dragons were trying to save their eggs. And we were being the bad guys." Tony squeezed Steve's hand. "Couldn't blame them. Anybody tries to kill our kids, we'd kick ass."

"We don't have any children," Steve said.

"Sure we do, Mom. Sure we do."

"Yeah, Dad." Steve smiled fondly. He leaned over to kiss Tony's forehead. "Get some rest. The kids will want to visit tomorrow."

Marvel really did write this tall tale. A long time ago I saw scans, but I can't find them now. Tony tells it pretty much as I remember it.