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cap_ironman2008-10-17 11:35 pm
ellyr-in-ink.livejournal.com) wrote in cap_ironman2008-10-17 11:35 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfic: Rain - PG
Hi. I'm new to the community, though I think I read everything on Tales of Suspense in... well, four days. Sooooo serious. Not a lot of sleeping happened.
I introduced![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ani_bester to the crack fandom and corrupted her horribly. Her major knowledge base for the Avengers centers around what she's read in Steve/Tony fanfics. *evil grin*
Introductions aside, I offer you this.
Title: Rain
Timeline: Somewhere in the middle of it all before crap happened and people died.
Summary: Strange how hard it rains now...
Rating: PG
Warnings: Addiction Angst
Author’s Note: Inspired by “Rain” by Patty Griffin. Click here to listen.
Disclaimer: Marvel apparently owns everyone. I just write about it.
C&C: Always Appreciated
Archive: Sure!
Rain
Steve sat in the darkened living room, listening to the trickle of rain against the windows. The day had been dark with heavy clouds, and now that evening was falling, the room began to lose subtle definition. The only sounds were that of the rain and Tony’s slightly ragged breathing.
Tony sat in one of the arm chairs, legs drawn up and defensive. He stared at the wall, at the floor. Deliberately stared anywhere but Steve.
Steve continued to sit patiently, listening to the rain and waiting. For what at this point, he wasn’t quite sure. He just knew that he couldn’t leave. Not now.
Tony was so used to being anesthetized. And now, without that anesthetic, Tony was going insane. Steve knew about numbness and insanity, knew that coming back from addiction that deep was like surviving frostbite. A few days had passed without incident, but now, as his soul began to warm, Tony was aching with every maddening sensation that he had been able to blithely ignore in the past. It was that fear of sensation that had sent him tearing through the kitchen, expression hunted. Fill the void with everything, anything before you had the chance to feel anything deeper.
Steve had tried to stop him with words. Eventually, when those failed, he had to physically keep Tony from tearing the kitchen apart. There was no alcohol in the house anymore. They had gotten rid of everything after the last time…
Steve had managed to maneuver Tony into the living room. Tony’s words had been biting and acrid. Things said in a desperate attempt to get Steve to leave. Like a wounded animal backed into a corner, Tony had snarled and barked and hissed. Steve had only responded with quiet words and silence. He let Tony wear himself out until he had collapsed into the arm chair. Now…
Had it been minutes? Hours? Steve wasn’t sure, the movement of time as muted as the shades of grey that made up the room.
Steve could feel his heart breaking. The man was all stone and steel on the outside, a hopeless attempt to keep everyone at a arm’s length. Steve had always refused to play Tony’s game, to bang up against those walls, but he would never stop standing outside, waiting to be let in.
A soft noise from Tony caught Steve’s attention. “Just…”
Steve waited. He wasn’t going to push.
“Just go away.”
Steve shook his head, though he wasn’t sure if it would be visible any more. “No.”
Silence, long and jagged.
“Why?” The sound was tired.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why?” Tony’s voice cracked.
“We’re going to get through this, Tony. You are going to get through this.”
“I can’t.” It was a knee-jerk response.
Steve stood up and closed the distance between them. He crouched down, one hand on the arm of the chair for balance. “You will get through this.”
Steve felt his throat tighten as Tony’s eyes finally slid to meet his, stripped of pride and power and everything that Tony had once been. There was no armor right now, no hero. There was just a man.
“I’m scared.” It was barely a whisper. Tony shook his head, blue eyes filling up with tears. “I’m scared, Steve.”
Steve reached forward and pulled Tony out of the chair and onto the floor. Tony’s dissolved into silent, wracking sobs, his face pressed desperately into Steve’s shoulder. Steve held him close, fingers stroking though thick black hair.
“It’s okay,” Steve whispered, rocking softly side to side. “It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.” Steve rested his chin on the top of Tony’s head and closed his eyes, the sting of his own tears surprising him. “I’m always going to be here,” he whispered, feeling Tony’s grip tighten in response. “It’s okay.”
The rain continued to fall.
I introduced
ani_bester to the crack fandom and corrupted her horribly. Her major knowledge base for the Avengers centers around what she's read in Steve/Tony fanfics. *evil grin* Introductions aside, I offer you this.
Title: Rain
Timeline: Somewhere in the middle of it all before crap happened and people died.
Summary: Strange how hard it rains now...
Rating: PG
Warnings: Addiction Angst
Author’s Note: Inspired by “Rain” by Patty Griffin. Click here to listen.
Disclaimer: Marvel apparently owns everyone. I just write about it.
C&C: Always Appreciated
Archive: Sure!
Rain
Steve sat in the darkened living room, listening to the trickle of rain against the windows. The day had been dark with heavy clouds, and now that evening was falling, the room began to lose subtle definition. The only sounds were that of the rain and Tony’s slightly ragged breathing.
Tony sat in one of the arm chairs, legs drawn up and defensive. He stared at the wall, at the floor. Deliberately stared anywhere but Steve.
Steve continued to sit patiently, listening to the rain and waiting. For what at this point, he wasn’t quite sure. He just knew that he couldn’t leave. Not now.
Tony was so used to being anesthetized. And now, without that anesthetic, Tony was going insane. Steve knew about numbness and insanity, knew that coming back from addiction that deep was like surviving frostbite. A few days had passed without incident, but now, as his soul began to warm, Tony was aching with every maddening sensation that he had been able to blithely ignore in the past. It was that fear of sensation that had sent him tearing through the kitchen, expression hunted. Fill the void with everything, anything before you had the chance to feel anything deeper.
Steve had tried to stop him with words. Eventually, when those failed, he had to physically keep Tony from tearing the kitchen apart. There was no alcohol in the house anymore. They had gotten rid of everything after the last time…
Steve had managed to maneuver Tony into the living room. Tony’s words had been biting and acrid. Things said in a desperate attempt to get Steve to leave. Like a wounded animal backed into a corner, Tony had snarled and barked and hissed. Steve had only responded with quiet words and silence. He let Tony wear himself out until he had collapsed into the arm chair. Now…
Had it been minutes? Hours? Steve wasn’t sure, the movement of time as muted as the shades of grey that made up the room.
Steve could feel his heart breaking. The man was all stone and steel on the outside, a hopeless attempt to keep everyone at a arm’s length. Steve had always refused to play Tony’s game, to bang up against those walls, but he would never stop standing outside, waiting to be let in.
A soft noise from Tony caught Steve’s attention. “Just…”
Steve waited. He wasn’t going to push.
“Just go away.”
Steve shook his head, though he wasn’t sure if it would be visible any more. “No.”
Silence, long and jagged.
“Why?” The sound was tired.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why?” Tony’s voice cracked.
“We’re going to get through this, Tony. You are going to get through this.”
“I can’t.” It was a knee-jerk response.
Steve stood up and closed the distance between them. He crouched down, one hand on the arm of the chair for balance. “You will get through this.”
Steve felt his throat tighten as Tony’s eyes finally slid to meet his, stripped of pride and power and everything that Tony had once been. There was no armor right now, no hero. There was just a man.
“I’m scared.” It was barely a whisper. Tony shook his head, blue eyes filling up with tears. “I’m scared, Steve.”
Steve reached forward and pulled Tony out of the chair and onto the floor. Tony’s dissolved into silent, wracking sobs, his face pressed desperately into Steve’s shoulder. Steve held him close, fingers stroking though thick black hair.
“It’s okay,” Steve whispered, rocking softly side to side. “It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.” Steve rested his chin on the top of Tony’s head and closed his eyes, the sting of his own tears surprising him. “I’m always going to be here,” he whispered, feeling Tony’s grip tighten in response. “It’s okay.”
The rain continued to fall.
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http://ladynorthstar.deviantart.com/art/Cap-and-IronMan-Never-55249492
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I've done my awn fanart for this. :)
http://ethnos44.deviantart.com/art/Why-101053867
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It makes 4.5 hours of sleep sooooooooo worth it. You've made my Saturday! *stupid, happy grin*
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Beautiful and heart-breaking.
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Even if subtly escaped me last night, it was still amazing =P
It’s okay,” Steve whispered, rocking softly side to side. “It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.” Steve rested his chin on the top of Tony’s head and closed his eyes, the sting of his own tears surprising him. “I’m always going to be here,” he whispered, feeling Tony’s grip tighten in response. “It’s okay.”
This bit here works so well and was one of my favorite moments.
The rain continued to fall.
And I think you choose the perfect last sentence for this story.
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beta my fic or I won't buy anymore :)
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The more I look at your icon, the more it makes me giggle....
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I'm sure that wasn't the response you expected... but i loved this! Tony's psychology and addiction is something really near and dear to my heart. It hurts so much! You did this very well!
More!
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My brain first interpreted this as "read all of Tales of Suspense in four days," and all I could think was "Damn, that's a lot of wacky Cold War hijinks and random crack to subject your brain too in that short a span of time" (Not to mention all! the! exclamation points!!!).
Your other fic was made of love, but I think this one is even better. With Tony trying to get Steve to leave, and Steve not quite knowing what to do but refuse to walk away or give up, and the fact that detoxing from anything is really fucking hard and not pretty.
This is totally how Iron Man #172 should have ended, with Steve dragging Tony off to will him better through sheer stuborn refusal to leave him alone. Granted, we'd have missed the truly gratuitous amounts of Tony abuse that followed, but this is in some ways even better -- more understated but somehow more powerful because of it.
Tony was so used to being anesthetized. And now, without that anesthetic, Tony was going insane.
The sad thing is, that's kind of what happens in canon (or at least, it's the best way I can think of to fanwank Armor Wars into making sense characterization-wise).
I’m always going to be here
Ow. That actually made me choke up, because he wants to fix Tony so badly, or at least be there for him, and in the end, we know he can't/won't.