cap_ironman | New Member presenting humor fic

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New Member presenting humor fic

Um, I'm not that new, I've been watching this place for a while, and thought I'd introduce myself and post this silly story I wrote, which is needed after Secret Invasion and Civil War.

Title: Fanreality
Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers or anything in the Marvel universe.
Warnings: Kinda cracky. I'm not sure how well I have a handle on the characters, so may be a little OOC. Also, not beta'd because I'm kinda shy and don't know anyone who'd read my stuff and beta it.
Rating: PG for Tony's dirty mind.
Archive: Sure, if anyone thinks it's good enough.
Summary: Did you know Iron Man is really the illegitimate but beautiful twin sister of Tony Stark?
Author's notes: When I got into Lord of the Rings, I discovered the interesting species of fan that wrote stories about the actor's rather than the fandom characters. It's an odd part of fandom I can't help but notice. So then I wondered if Marvel's superheros would ever have the same kind of fans? My answer: Of course. And so I wrote this.

It was a moment of relaxation for the Avengers; Peter was grading papers, Jessica Jones and Luke were reading to the baby, Tony and Steve were on the small couch (not a love seat as Danny and Peter liked to tease) watching a Mythbusters marathon with the volume low so as not to bother Danielle with the noise of the show’s gratuitous explosions.

Mary Jane was on a laptop… snickering at something. She’d recently become near obsessed with it over the past couple of days and spent much of her free time surfing the internet. Whenever asked what she was doing, she just laughed (it was not cackling no matter what anyone said) and went back to whatever she was reading.

More amused snickering, and finally, “Did you know Iron Man is really the illegitimate but beautiful twin sister of Tony Stark?”

Absolute silence reigned the room. Tony had even muted the TV to try to properly process what he’d heard. “…What?” Tony finally ventured to ask.

“It’s not Tabloid Tuesday, is it?” Peter asked, referring to when the Avengers would amass ridiculous articles on themselves and each other and read them, and laugh.

Mary Jane just chuckled. “No, it’s,” she waved her hand a little, trying to find the right words. “A story someone wrote. Not even a news article or tabloid. Totally made up.”

“And tabloids aren’t?” Jessica Jones asked in mock innocence.

“No, these don’t even try to pretend to be real. There’s even disclaimers by the writer’s saying the stories are made up. It’s called fanfiction. It’s pretty popular on the internet.”

“And someone wrote about my made up sister being Iron Man?” Tony asked, feeling a little perplexed. “How would my twin sister be illegitimate?”

Mary Jane laughed. “It’s fan logic, it doesn’t always make sense. Something about baby knapping, a huge cover up, and long lost reunions over two decades later. She’s also in love with Captain America, but doesn’t think she’s worthy enough of his love.”

Tony joined in the amusement, grinning mischievously at Steve. “At least she’s got great taste.”

The put upon blond superhero sighed, repressing the urge to rub his fingers over the bridge of his nose. The thought of someone writing out his life like it was a book was a little creepy. It sounded almost kind of stalkerish.

Mary Jane looked back at the laptop screen and started reading aloud from it, “Despite her beauty that could rival Aphrodite herself, from her beautiful ebony locks running down her back to the deep fathomless sapphire blue orbs on her face and her flawless ivory skin; and even despite her brilliance that surpassed even her beloved brother and her great selflessness and kindness, Antonia could never see herself worthy of the great Captain America’s love, although her heart beatted only for him-” Mary Jane could continue no further and dissolved into laughter again, joined by pretty much everyone else.

“Is beatted even a word?” Peter asked, regaining enough composure to speak.

“Sapphire blue orbs? What are those supposed to be? Her eyes or does she have some unnatural growths on her face?” Jessica asked, biting her lip as the image of Tony as a girl with said unnatural growths on her face invaded her mind.

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but, are there more like this thing?” Tony asked, still grinning. Beside him, Steve was fighting his own amusement, covering his grin with a hand.

“There’s an entire community. People writing stories about their favorite superheros. You guys have an entire section dedicated to stories and art of all of you,” Mary Jane answered.

“Is anyone besides me disturbed that we have fans drawing and writing stories about us?” Steve couldn’t help but ask. Really, the more he heard, the more he wondered about the American people.

Mary Jane waved a dismissive hand. “Please, they’re pretty normal otherwise, they just like to write about you guys. Especially you and Tony, actually.”

“Me and Tony as in…”

“You and Tony, you and Iron Man, you, Tony and Iron Man, even you and Tony as Iron Man,” and she wisely decided to stop there before Steve’s entire face contorted enough that he strained something. "Although I think they mostly only write Tony as Iron Man because it's better than making something up."

Tony opened his mouth as though to say something, paused, closed it. Then tried again, paused, and finally, “I never would’ve figured a bunch of bored writers on the internet to correctly guess my secret identity. Or come up with such a creative bedroom fantasy.”

If you were quiet enough, you could hear the sounds of Captain America and Spiderman’s brains breaking.

~END~

A/N: Honestly, Peter's lucky MJ didn't say anything about the Spiderman/Peter Parker stories. Again, I just figure the Avengers are like Marvel's celebrities, and one thing common with celebrities are fans writing fanfiction about them.

---

Also, I really feel the need to discuss an interesting cut-scene I ran into near the end of my playthrough of 'Marvel: Ultimate Alliance.' It seems Tony and Steve's 'friendship' pervades all media.

I decided to play my sister's game of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance because I was bored and I wanted to play a Wii game. Besides I knew it had Captain America and Iron Man as playable characters and I thought it'd be fun to play as them. So, I play as Tony the majority of the game (and holy hell is Iron Man's Ultimate Armor ugly) and I thorughly enjoy it. I take batteries from the remote control for the Wiimote so I can continue playing and I have to force myself to sleep. I finish the game in three days. I come near the ending and get this cut scene:

Iron Man: You’re the real Colossus, aren’t you? But Doom managed to turn you evil.
Dark Colossus: Dr. Doom merely showed me that he is the ultimate power in this universe. And now I have the privilege of being his protector.
Iron Man: Some privilege. And you’re not the real Captain America, are you? You’re just some dark clone of his. (Me: Well duh, Tony. The real Cap is on your team!)
Dark Captain America: I am the final proof that Dr. Doom rules with absolute power. He was able to create me as an exact duplicate of Captain America.
Iron Man: You’re not an exact duplicate. Cap has way more class than you’ll ever have, sport. (Me: Sport? Tony, I am dissapointed, I thought you were wittier than that)
Dark Captain America: I can understand you anger, Tony. But soon you will feel like I do and join Doom’s forces.
Iron Man: Don’t you dare call me by my first name! You’re not Captain America. And I’ll die before I turn into one of Doom’s flunkies.
Dark Colossus: I too had thought so, until I faced Dr. Doom and lost. Now look at me. Soon we will stand side by side as protectors of our Lord Doom.
Iron Man: That’s not gonna happen. Not in a million years.

Okay, so maybe I'm looking too much into it, but I grinned so hard at how upset Tony was by Dark Cap calling him by his real name. He was more offended here than with Fury, (Highlight for spoiler) and he'd apparently been ordering S.H.I.E.L.D. to attack Stark Industries buildings to get Tony to design weapon's for S.H.I.E.L.D. again.

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Never underestimate the fangirls, they´re omniscient and all powerful - we just pretend otherwise.

I fully approve of Tabloid Thursday!

Never underestimate the fangirls, they´re omniscient and all powerful - we just pretend otherwise.

If Thor would quake in terror at the power of the fangirl's imagination.

I fully approve of Tabloid Thursday!

Soon to be joined by Fanfic Friday. If the Avengers can ever fix Spidey and Cap's brains XD There'd be a day for fanart, but Fanart Wednesday just doesn't have the right ring to it. And after nearly losing their collective lunches to the Wolverine/Cap kissing fanart piece, the Avengers voted against such a day.

that´s awesome! also, it creates such a family athmosphere; Tabloid Thursday, Fanfic Friday, Movie night - yay for New Avengers!

Ha just wait until they discover what we write about steve/tony on 4chan

I really liked this and i desperately need some cute fluff to cheer me up

Cheers.

I kinda want more tabloid Tuesday fics now

Us /co/mrades are sick, sick people.

In a good way.

You frequent plus4chan?

I'm guilty of surfing 4chan through google when a particular topic comes to mind, or I just stick to caturday, so I have no clue about the fandom sections.

The latest thread is at:
http://plus4chan.org/boards/pco/res/24987.html

But it's still relatively new.

The second thread is at:
http://plus4chan.org/boards/pco/res/17855.html#

And I've lost the bookmark to the first thread:

BTW really really really not safe for work or any decent human company

*dead from lulz*

Ohman. People totally would, wouldn't they? Because fans are fans everywhere. But poor Cap and Peter do not know that, so they are traumatized. I'm sure they'll get over it eventually.

Point of order! You forgot to mention her "curves in all the right places", a classic sign of Suedom. (*gnaws scenery* HATE. PHRASE. CYGNA SMASH.)

Thanks. Peter and Steve will both recover. Although Steve may relapse if Tony brings up the Armor in the bedroom ever.

*Head meet palm* The curves! I did forget them. Too bad I wasn't able to add in her ability to tame all manner of beasts and her super powers of healing (because you're not perfect until you can tame wild horses and heal your beloved's paper cuts).

Yes, the sues annoy me so. Which is why I like this place, the only time you'll see Mary or Sue is in a story with Mary Jane or the Invisible Woman in it.

Now I just want to read a fic with Peter finding out that there's people shipping Peter Parker with Spider-Man. I could even imagine some fangirl writing something about how Peter 'repays' Spidey for all the pictures the hero lets him take*eg*

That would be the crackiest crack to have ever cracked the internet (or Peter's mental health).

Except for the fact that there's actual fic crackier than that*eg*

Though I could see Peter's head breaking over it.

Now imagine all the ficwriters reactions after Peter unmasked.

Fangirl: No Spidey/Peter sexings? :(

Just imagine the people who write Tony as Iron Man. They'd be crowing to the heavens how they called it while everyone else was like "You didn't call it, you just didn't want to make something up and have everyone call your character a Gary Stu/Mary Sue."

Well considering that I know at least one Buffy-com focusing on the William/Spike-pairing...

(for those who don't know Buffy, William is basically Spike before he became a vampire*eg*)

But oh yeah.

I'm just thinking of all those poor girls who write Spidey as this rich playboy type of guy who's messing around with Johnny Storm's heart.(just thinking of what Felicia thought Spidey was like, before he told her who he was under the mask*eg*)

Of course once Peter unmasks, there would be loads of fics making poor MJ the bad guy, cause how else can you pair up Spidey. (knowing the way a lot of rps'ers treat the wives or actual girlfriends of their RPS crushes)

He actually says, "Sport." Ultimates Tony is a great deal snarkier than 616 Tony.

Well let see, from what I heard about the Ultimates, their Tony is constantly in pain (brain tissue as a tumor all over body WTF?) and therefore permanently on the sauce, snarkier makes sense.

Come to think of it, why didn't Ult!Tony's PR blast the media over their persecution of his sex tape incident? "Come on people, I have cancer and I'm going to die, give me a fucking break!"

Pretty much all of my comic knowledge comes from fanfics on here and the Marvel wiki, which is why I was worried about characterization. Besides the two Spiderman movies and the Iron Man movie, I have no first hand knowledge of what the characters are like.

My first experiences with Iron Man I actually disliked him quite strongly. In the Transformers/Avengers comic crossover I was disgruntled with my perception of him upstaging the Transformers with his giant robot, although I did cackle when Carol got taken out by an ambulance airbag, and Wolverine by a sports car. When I heard of Civil War second hand from my friend and Tony's actions during it, I was disgusted. And in the previews for the movie, I was annoyed with the superficial playboy he appeared to be.

I know better now, but the movie makes me expect more from him in the snark department.

Have he tried cutting off Tony's access to alcohol and caffeine?

He probably crossed it off as an exercise in futility. Cutting off a billionaire from something as common as caffeine or alcohol would be impossible unless you lock him in cell. And he can't bribe or outsmart his guards, which Tony would.

*BURSTS OUT LAUGHING*

I confess, I write RPS. Well, used to. Exactly for Lord of the Rings. >D Tell me, have you read anything by

lotrjunkie or her friend Brenda (forget LJ Usernam)? Because, I swear. Their Playground fics were awesome. XD

I'm just gonna go die over here now. *is unable to stop laughing*

Edited 2008-12-05 06:11 (UTC)

I don't really read RPS mostly because, like Steve pointed out, I feel like a creepy stalker if I do. I read a couple, and I felt guilty, like I was committing a crime.

Seriously?! >D It's all in awesome good fun. Besides, the LOTR boys all knew about it and admitted it on TV.....and then hammed it up even more. Of course, I stopped a while ago. Mostly because I got bored with it. :q Tony and Steve so much more entertaining

I agree ^_^ Who needs real people when they can have Tony and Steve?

Besides, RPS really doesn't do it for me. Apparently I am just so immersed in fantasy, I'm hardly attracted to most real people. I actually find Orlando Bloom playing as Legolas more attractive than Bloom as himself. And I probably never would've given RDJ a second glance until I saw him as Tony Stark. For some reason, guys become so much hotter when they start playing as fictional characters.

oh lord what a hilarious idea, very well executed xDDD

Tabloid Tuesday! I have a weakness for Character Googles Self, Finds Brainbreaking Porn. Heh.

Great, in the fifteen seconds after reading this, I already have a scene playing in my head. Tony Googles himself and Steve to see who has the most fansites, or checking the internet to see who has the most porn based off of them. Disappointed, Tony declares that the results for "Iron Man" and "Tony Stark" both count and declares himself the winner. Until he realizes Steve still beats him. Then he just settles for having the hottest boyfriend.

No doubt more than a few of the Captain America ones would be more platonic, or set up around WWII. But then, I'd think a lot of the Tony Stark ones would be gossip or business. As for Steve Rogers? There would be a mere handful of links if he's got a secret ID, all of them just a mention that he did the penciling for one comic or another.

I like thinking about how pop culture would be different with superheroes. If anything, although more people might have realpersonslash thoughts because these people are saving the world and all, they might be less likely to write it. In a comic book world, it's not hard to track someone down.

If "Smoking Gun's World's Dumbest' has taught me anything, people never think they can be traced.

Might be different in a superhero universe, though, when people know from the paper that such-and-such was tracked down via the Net. Here on this Earth, we're uneasy about RPS because, well, one, it's intrusive and speculative, two because if they find out, the people involved could react badly. In a superhero universe, this involves property destruction at the least.

*grins* Of course people write RPF about superheroes in Marvel-verse. I bet they even have some kind of goofy, cutesy name for it, like "super-slash" or "spandom" (for "spandex" and "fandom").

Spiderman/Peter Parker

*dies* Oh God, people would, too. Ad they'd call it "Sparker." Spiderman probably gets to be the fandom bicycle, actually, given the amount of regular coverage of him the Bugle publishes.

Despite her beauty that could rival Aphrodite herself, from her beautiful ebony locks running down her back to the deep fathomless sapphire blue orbs on her face and her flawless ivory skin; and even despite her brilliance that surpassed even her beloved brother and her great selflessness and kindness, Antonia could never see herself worthy of the great Captain America’s love, although her heart beatted only for him.

*dies more* I think it's the fact that she and Tony even have the same name that really makes it. You know there are probably dozens of Mary Sue female!Iron Man fics with titles like "Hearts in Armor" and "Lady of Iron" and "[insert Evanescence song title here]" in this fic verse.

Ex: "This fic is the story of Jenny Steel, the firey redhead who was Tony's childhood best friend and became Iron Man after Tony rescued her from her abusive boyfriend (in my universe, Pepper Potts doesn't exist). Tony is desperately in love with Jenny, but knows that his alcoholism makes him unworthy of her and his playboy past means that she'll never take him seriously. He and Thor both propose marriage to her several times, but Jenny's heart has been stolen by another. Can Captain America's love can heal the deep scars left by her abusive ex-boyfriend and allow her to enjoy a man's touch again?"

*grins* It would be about 800 pages long, updated every week, and the author would be a major BNF, with other people doing fanart and spin-off fanfic (she'd also be one of those het-only, anti-slash people, and the fandom would explode into wank when some anonymous fan who's IP address originates at Stark Enterprises writes a Cap/Tony/Jenny NC-17 threesome fic that ends in the two guys having sex while Jenny watches, and Jenny's anti-slash creator pitches a screaming fit).

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New Member presenting humor fic

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Link plz

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Nah, Ultimates Tony speaks like that

Re: Nah, Ultimates Tony speaks like that

Re: Nah, Ultimates Tony speaks like that

re: Fury spoiler

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