There are levels of secrecy, too. My general memory of Steve is that it started out not secret (since it had been long revealed after the war who had served as Captain America), and then there was a gambit with a fake body to make it secret again; but it was never secret to his close hero community friends. He had enough of a secret identity that he worked as an artist (for his own comic at one point), a cop, and so on, and there were occasional 'you didn't trust me' events when non-hero friends found out. They mostly forgave pretty quick, but Connie, who he was dating, did break up with him over it.

Then in 2001 it was revealed again, and he pretty much gave up having a private identity. He worked for SHIELD, when not being an Avenger.

Tony was secret to everyone, including friends (and when they found out, there was accompanying angst.) Well after he had revealed it to his friends, he went public, then a few years later pulled the mind wiping satellite maneuver to wipe it out again. I think close friends mostly found out again fairly quick, and then he's been public again for most of the 2000s.