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cap_ironman2010-05-04 06:44 pm
penumbren) wrote in cap_ironman2010-05-04 06:44 pm
Entry tags:
Fic: End of an Era (1/1)
I've been lurking for a bit, but this is my first actual post here. Hopefully I haven't messed anything up... :)
Title: End of an Era
Fandom: Classic Avengers
Pairing/Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers
Warnings: Angst. Angst. Oh, and some Tony!Angst. Pre-slash hints.
Rating: G
Summary: Yes, Tony always helped -- the best he could.
Notes: Based very firmly around Cap's "I'm retiring!" storyline in Tales of Suspense #95. (Okay, I'm freely ignoring the tailors who were busy measuring Cap in the comic. They aren't here in this version. :P) The scene in question is this one. This has not been beta'd, per se, but it has been edited.
***
As soon as Steve walked through the door, Tony knew something was wrong. No -- not wrong... but off. Something wasn't right here, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Between his recent run-ins with Titanium Man and Half-Face and his too-quick return from Vietnam, he hadn't had much time to catch up with the most recent goings on with the Avengers, and now he was regretting that lack. Obviously, something was affecting Steve, and the emotions warring with each other on Steve's face as he carefully set down his shield, leaning it lovingly against the couch as he avoided looking Tony in the eyes told Tony that it was something major.
"Welcome back, Cap," he said casually. Iron Man might have already become a solid friend of Cap's, but Tony Stark wasn't... not for lack of wishing.
"Hi, Tony." The slight hesitation as Steve straightened up nearly had Tony moving toward him, asking him what was wrong... He shook himself mentally. Not his place, he reminded himself without bothering to hide his bitterness at the thought. He wasn't Iron Man - not to Steve. And he had no one but himself to blame, since he'd been the one most insistent about the need for not prying into each other's secret identities. He still wasn't sure why Thor had been nearly as adamant on the subject as him, but there were times he cursed himself for needing to hide even from the pers--people he must trusted.
"I, uh... I have to talk to you," Steve said awkwardly. He crossed his arms, then apparently realised that he looked standoffish doing so and dropped his hands to his sides. Tony didn't miss the fingers that curled inward, almost in a defensive movement, as Steve finally met his gaze.
He knew as soon as those bright blue eyes met his own.
"You're leaving." It wasn't a question. He'd have to have been blind to miss Steve's sudden fascination with Agent 13, the lovely young thing that he'd met by accident. Tony didn't know who she was or why she was so important to Steve, but he knew that the SHIELD agent seemed to share Cap's feelings... whatever those were.
Who's denying what now, Stark? he asked himself, his grasp tightening on the glass tumbler in his hand. Forcing those thoughts away, trying to ignore the sudden grey tint that everything suddenly had to it at the knowledge that Captain America... that Steve... was leaving hi--the Avengers, he managed to keep his face calm and his voice steady. God only knew what his eyes were saying, but fortunately Steve didn't have the same experience in reading Tony's expressions that he had in reading Iron Man's body language. For once, Tony realised that he was giving away less than the Golden Avenger. The irony wasn't lost on him.
"...Yeah." Steve's voice was quiet. "Don't get me wrong, Stark. I'll always be grateful to you, to the Avengers, for finding me and giving me a place to... fit in. I don't know what I would've done without that. But I've never really had a chance to just be me, you know?"
Tony knew. He knew better than anyone else besides Steve himself what he'd given up to become Captain America. It made something inside him squirm uncomfortably every time he thought about it, since his refusal to give up those same things -- his identity, his privacy, his life -- was what created the barrier that he knew all of the Avengers felt between themselves and Iron Man.
"It's your choice, Cap -- Steve." Moving to the desk, he set the glass down. "You already told Fury?"
"Yes." Steve swallowed, ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. Tony's fingers itched at the sight of the unruly strands, but his hands stayed flat on the desk as he leaned forward slightly, wondering what Steve hadn't told him yet. "Um. I told more than Fury."
"What?" Was he the last Avenger to find this out? He frowned slightly, pushing away the hurt at the thought. Steve didn't actually know he was an Avenger, and Iron Man hadn't been around for a few days, so it would only make sense if--
"I, uh, told the press," Steve admitted, his voice low as he looked away, at the ground.
The press? He'd told the press before he'd told Tony? That hurt. A lot. He knew it was showing on his face, but Steve wouldn't see it, since he was too busy staring at the carpet pattern to look at Tony. Which was a good thing, Tony reminded himself. No point in confusing the man further with whatever emotions were written on his face. He'd managed to hide the hero worship -- mostly -- but the other things... well. No use in dwelling on that, not now. That could come later, when he was alone with his tumbler and his scotch.
After a long, tense moment, Tony moved, turning on the television set at the side of the room. As he'd expected, the screen was filled with an amazed reporter babbling about the illustrious history of Captain America and the shocking news that he'd retired.
"You told them who you are," he observed, only half-aware that he was speaking out loud. A few more seconds of the reporter's voice droning across his eardrums, and he cleared his throat, turning to face Steve with a false smile plastered on his face. Even Steve could probably tell something was wrong... but he seemed oblivious, smiling in relief at Tony's acceptance of his news.
"By now, anyone who can read knows that Steve Rogers and Captain America are one and the same," Tony continued, his chest tight as all of the dangerous possibilities flashed through his mind. Cap had enemies -- lots of enemies -- and so did the Avengers. If the world knew that Captain America was Steve Rogers, how could Steve ever be safe? "Are you sure you're doing the right thing? Have you thought it all out?" He winced slightly at the tone of his own voice, sharper than he'd intended, but he was positive that the man in front of him had not thought about the dangers, was in fact too caught up in his fantasy of a normal life with the girl of his dreams to realise that the hazards even existed, hadn't thought about the fact that Agent 13 was a SHIELD agent and probably had enemies and secrets of her own.
"Why not, Stark? Why keep a secret if there's no reason for it?" Steve's grin was infectious, even through the worry and fear that had wrapped themselves around Tony's heart. Because there is a reason, he didn't say. There are good reasons, he didn't argue. He could tell it would be pointless. Steve added, his voice throbbing with the strength of his emotions, "I worried about the right thing all my life! From now on -- I couldn't care less!"
That wasn't true. Tony knew Steve well enough to know that, even if Steve seemed determined to pretend otherwise. The man had spent his entire life fighting for his convictions and that wasn't something that he could just walk away from. Cap's beliefs were a large part of why Tony had idolized him for so long. Discovering him in the ice had seemed like every boyhood dream come true and getting to work with him was even better, but the best part had been getting to know the man behind the mask. Captain America was still his idol, someone he would forever look up to and hope that he could be even half the man that Cap was. Steve, though... Steve was even better. Steve was so much more than Cap, so full of life and love and optimism that sometimes talking to him could hurt, Tony's cynicism and pragmatism clashing with that vibrant belief in the best, but it only made Tony value their friendship even more.
Except that it wasn't Tony's friendship that Steve valued.
"How will the Avengers take it when they convene?" He managed to sound curious rather than shaken, cursing his mask yet again. Iron Man did good, was a hero, was everything that Tony could never be... including being Captain America's friend. All Tony could do was offer support and money and... it wasn't enough.
"They'll survive," Steve replied, confidence in the team obvious. "They've got enough members now to start a colony!" They had been through several roster changes, but Tony could see the ghost of uncertainty in Steve's words. Was he trying to convince Tony -- or himself? "Of course, I'm not saying I won't miss them -- or you! You've been a good friend, Stark." Tony's stomach clenched at the words, at the look... did Steve know? Was he implying...?
"I'll always be grateful! It's too bad you couldn't have been an Avenger," Steve said, smiling at him directly to take the potential sting out of the words. Tony's lips curved in a semblance of a smile in return, feeling something inside of him splinter, broken by the friendly words. "But, you helped in the only way you could -- with your money!"
Tony drew in a sharp breath, wondering how long he could smile at Steve before he broke, before he started breaking things. It was breathtaking, how much the simple, friendly words hurt. They lodged in his heart alongside the shrapnel and twisted, just as painfully as the steel shards ever had. He couldn't let Steve know that, had to pretend that he was just Tony Stark, and Tony would take those words a compliment. Never mind that Iron Man's shadow hung behind him and that Iron Man's heart was breaking... it didn't matter. After all, his heart was already broken. Had been for years. What more damage could Steve's words do?
He couldn't look at Steve. Turning away, he replied, "Yes -- I helped -- the best I could!" He'd failed. Obviously his best just wasn't good enough to compete with a pretty blonde SHIELD agent. He couldn't quite keep the underlying barb out of his voice, wanting so much for Steve to know, finally... "In a way, I can even understand what you're doing, Steve. Sooner or later, each of us must reach a turning point in our lives." He thought again of Yinsen, sacrificing himself to save Tony's life, and understood all too well the lingering guilt that Steve felt over Bucky's death. Not that he could tell him that -- it would reveal too much, and Iron Man would no longer be a secret... Tony wouldn't be safe.
Steve reached out and took his hand in a firm grasp, his smile never faltering, his eyes lit up with his hope for the future. "Goodbye, old friend -- it's time for Captain American to learn who Steve Rogers really is!"
Watching Steve walk out of the room, Tony was aware of the lingering warmth of Steve's fingers on his. His fists clenched at his sides as he stared blindly at the door Steve had closed after him. Something hovered at the edge of his mind, demanding his attention... When he finally blinked, his gaze fell to the couch Steve had been standing by and he sucked in a long, ragged breath. Steve had left his shield behind. Walking unsteadily across the room, Tony reached out, touching it with shaking fingers. The cool metal nearly sang at the touch, and Tony fell to his knees, his hand white-knuckled on the edge of the shield.
He'd never be safe again.
***
fin
Title: End of an Era
Fandom: Classic Avengers
Pairing/Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers
Warnings: Angst. Angst. Oh, and some Tony!Angst. Pre-slash hints.
Rating: G
Summary: Yes, Tony always helped -- the best he could.
Notes: Based very firmly around Cap's "I'm retiring!" storyline in Tales of Suspense #95. (Okay, I'm freely ignoring the tailors who were busy measuring Cap in the comic. They aren't here in this version. :P) The scene in question is this one. This has not been beta'd, per se, but it has been edited.
***
As soon as Steve walked through the door, Tony knew something was wrong. No -- not wrong... but off. Something wasn't right here, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Between his recent run-ins with Titanium Man and Half-Face and his too-quick return from Vietnam, he hadn't had much time to catch up with the most recent goings on with the Avengers, and now he was regretting that lack. Obviously, something was affecting Steve, and the emotions warring with each other on Steve's face as he carefully set down his shield, leaning it lovingly against the couch as he avoided looking Tony in the eyes told Tony that it was something major.
"Welcome back, Cap," he said casually. Iron Man might have already become a solid friend of Cap's, but Tony Stark wasn't... not for lack of wishing.
"Hi, Tony." The slight hesitation as Steve straightened up nearly had Tony moving toward him, asking him what was wrong... He shook himself mentally. Not his place, he reminded himself without bothering to hide his bitterness at the thought. He wasn't Iron Man - not to Steve. And he had no one but himself to blame, since he'd been the one most insistent about the need for not prying into each other's secret identities. He still wasn't sure why Thor had been nearly as adamant on the subject as him, but there were times he cursed himself for needing to hide even from the pers--people he must trusted.
"I, uh... I have to talk to you," Steve said awkwardly. He crossed his arms, then apparently realised that he looked standoffish doing so and dropped his hands to his sides. Tony didn't miss the fingers that curled inward, almost in a defensive movement, as Steve finally met his gaze.
He knew as soon as those bright blue eyes met his own.
"You're leaving." It wasn't a question. He'd have to have been blind to miss Steve's sudden fascination with Agent 13, the lovely young thing that he'd met by accident. Tony didn't know who she was or why she was so important to Steve, but he knew that the SHIELD agent seemed to share Cap's feelings... whatever those were.
Who's denying what now, Stark? he asked himself, his grasp tightening on the glass tumbler in his hand. Forcing those thoughts away, trying to ignore the sudden grey tint that everything suddenly had to it at the knowledge that Captain America... that Steve... was leaving hi--the Avengers, he managed to keep his face calm and his voice steady. God only knew what his eyes were saying, but fortunately Steve didn't have the same experience in reading Tony's expressions that he had in reading Iron Man's body language. For once, Tony realised that he was giving away less than the Golden Avenger. The irony wasn't lost on him.
"...Yeah." Steve's voice was quiet. "Don't get me wrong, Stark. I'll always be grateful to you, to the Avengers, for finding me and giving me a place to... fit in. I don't know what I would've done without that. But I've never really had a chance to just be me, you know?"
Tony knew. He knew better than anyone else besides Steve himself what he'd given up to become Captain America. It made something inside him squirm uncomfortably every time he thought about it, since his refusal to give up those same things -- his identity, his privacy, his life -- was what created the barrier that he knew all of the Avengers felt between themselves and Iron Man.
"It's your choice, Cap -- Steve." Moving to the desk, he set the glass down. "You already told Fury?"
"Yes." Steve swallowed, ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. Tony's fingers itched at the sight of the unruly strands, but his hands stayed flat on the desk as he leaned forward slightly, wondering what Steve hadn't told him yet. "Um. I told more than Fury."
"What?" Was he the last Avenger to find this out? He frowned slightly, pushing away the hurt at the thought. Steve didn't actually know he was an Avenger, and Iron Man hadn't been around for a few days, so it would only make sense if--
"I, uh, told the press," Steve admitted, his voice low as he looked away, at the ground.
The press? He'd told the press before he'd told Tony? That hurt. A lot. He knew it was showing on his face, but Steve wouldn't see it, since he was too busy staring at the carpet pattern to look at Tony. Which was a good thing, Tony reminded himself. No point in confusing the man further with whatever emotions were written on his face. He'd managed to hide the hero worship -- mostly -- but the other things... well. No use in dwelling on that, not now. That could come later, when he was alone with his tumbler and his scotch.
After a long, tense moment, Tony moved, turning on the television set at the side of the room. As he'd expected, the screen was filled with an amazed reporter babbling about the illustrious history of Captain America and the shocking news that he'd retired.
"You told them who you are," he observed, only half-aware that he was speaking out loud. A few more seconds of the reporter's voice droning across his eardrums, and he cleared his throat, turning to face Steve with a false smile plastered on his face. Even Steve could probably tell something was wrong... but he seemed oblivious, smiling in relief at Tony's acceptance of his news.
"By now, anyone who can read knows that Steve Rogers and Captain America are one and the same," Tony continued, his chest tight as all of the dangerous possibilities flashed through his mind. Cap had enemies -- lots of enemies -- and so did the Avengers. If the world knew that Captain America was Steve Rogers, how could Steve ever be safe? "Are you sure you're doing the right thing? Have you thought it all out?" He winced slightly at the tone of his own voice, sharper than he'd intended, but he was positive that the man in front of him had not thought about the dangers, was in fact too caught up in his fantasy of a normal life with the girl of his dreams to realise that the hazards even existed, hadn't thought about the fact that Agent 13 was a SHIELD agent and probably had enemies and secrets of her own.
"Why not, Stark? Why keep a secret if there's no reason for it?" Steve's grin was infectious, even through the worry and fear that had wrapped themselves around Tony's heart. Because there is a reason, he didn't say. There are good reasons, he didn't argue. He could tell it would be pointless. Steve added, his voice throbbing with the strength of his emotions, "I worried about the right thing all my life! From now on -- I couldn't care less!"
That wasn't true. Tony knew Steve well enough to know that, even if Steve seemed determined to pretend otherwise. The man had spent his entire life fighting for his convictions and that wasn't something that he could just walk away from. Cap's beliefs were a large part of why Tony had idolized him for so long. Discovering him in the ice had seemed like every boyhood dream come true and getting to work with him was even better, but the best part had been getting to know the man behind the mask. Captain America was still his idol, someone he would forever look up to and hope that he could be even half the man that Cap was. Steve, though... Steve was even better. Steve was so much more than Cap, so full of life and love and optimism that sometimes talking to him could hurt, Tony's cynicism and pragmatism clashing with that vibrant belief in the best, but it only made Tony value their friendship even more.
Except that it wasn't Tony's friendship that Steve valued.
"How will the Avengers take it when they convene?" He managed to sound curious rather than shaken, cursing his mask yet again. Iron Man did good, was a hero, was everything that Tony could never be... including being Captain America's friend. All Tony could do was offer support and money and... it wasn't enough.
"They'll survive," Steve replied, confidence in the team obvious. "They've got enough members now to start a colony!" They had been through several roster changes, but Tony could see the ghost of uncertainty in Steve's words. Was he trying to convince Tony -- or himself? "Of course, I'm not saying I won't miss them -- or you! You've been a good friend, Stark." Tony's stomach clenched at the words, at the look... did Steve know? Was he implying...?
"I'll always be grateful! It's too bad you couldn't have been an Avenger," Steve said, smiling at him directly to take the potential sting out of the words. Tony's lips curved in a semblance of a smile in return, feeling something inside of him splinter, broken by the friendly words. "But, you helped in the only way you could -- with your money!"
Tony drew in a sharp breath, wondering how long he could smile at Steve before he broke, before he started breaking things. It was breathtaking, how much the simple, friendly words hurt. They lodged in his heart alongside the shrapnel and twisted, just as painfully as the steel shards ever had. He couldn't let Steve know that, had to pretend that he was just Tony Stark, and Tony would take those words a compliment. Never mind that Iron Man's shadow hung behind him and that Iron Man's heart was breaking... it didn't matter. After all, his heart was already broken. Had been for years. What more damage could Steve's words do?
He couldn't look at Steve. Turning away, he replied, "Yes -- I helped -- the best I could!" He'd failed. Obviously his best just wasn't good enough to compete with a pretty blonde SHIELD agent. He couldn't quite keep the underlying barb out of his voice, wanting so much for Steve to know, finally... "In a way, I can even understand what you're doing, Steve. Sooner or later, each of us must reach a turning point in our lives." He thought again of Yinsen, sacrificing himself to save Tony's life, and understood all too well the lingering guilt that Steve felt over Bucky's death. Not that he could tell him that -- it would reveal too much, and Iron Man would no longer be a secret... Tony wouldn't be safe.
Steve reached out and took his hand in a firm grasp, his smile never faltering, his eyes lit up with his hope for the future. "Goodbye, old friend -- it's time for Captain American to learn who Steve Rogers really is!"
Watching Steve walk out of the room, Tony was aware of the lingering warmth of Steve's fingers on his. His fists clenched at his sides as he stared blindly at the door Steve had closed after him. Something hovered at the edge of his mind, demanding his attention... When he finally blinked, his gaze fell to the couch Steve had been standing by and he sucked in a long, ragged breath. Steve had left his shield behind. Walking unsteadily across the room, Tony reached out, touching it with shaking fingers. The cool metal nearly sang at the touch, and Tony fell to his knees, his hand white-knuckled on the edge of the shield.
He'd never be safe again.
***
fin
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At the time, he didn't know who Iron Man was and he was way too busy caught up in dreaming about being with Agent 13 to really think about what he was doing... as far as I can tell, anyway. I know that I cringed my way through that entire plot, at least. XD
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Oh, the good old days. I take it back then. But yikes. I think I'd be an alcoholic too if co-workers (even leaving aside the bff bit that hasn't kicked in yet) thought of and spoke to me like that. D:
It's funny though, because I read the whole 13 obsession as being in Tony's self-loathing imagination, not the actual case. Say what we will about some of the crap that gets foisted on us from time to time these days, I'm glad our heroes have actually become *people* instead of walking billboards.
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That's an interpretation that I hadn't even thought of. lol. Agent 13 (a.k.a. Sharon, I do believe, in later years when she actually gets a name) is lifted straight out of Cap's storyline of the time and doesn't really show up anywhere else. (That I know of. Yet. I'm still playing catchup on The Avengers to get to the end of the Tales of Suspense era so I can actually get on with reading Iron Man and Cap's comics.) At this point, Tony isn't really into the whole self-loathing mode so much as "I'll never be anywhere good enough even to be friends with this guy" (let alone anything else). I think that's almost what made this scene jump out at me when I read it last week.
And yes, very glad for the modern-day depth and characterization, even when it's agonizing to read. :)
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Lovely bit of identity porn, all around!
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Poor Tony. *pets TonyMuse* Unfortunately for him, I love broken angsty characters.
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Though to be fair, Tony wouldn't get in a fifth of the trouble he does in ToS if he actually told his dearest friends about his secret identity. The man digs his own holes, consistently -pets poor broken Tony-
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And very much so. I spent that entire series wanting to slap him for doing the "But I can't tell ANYBODY because then they'd be in DANGER" even after all of his close friends get kidnapped, taken hostage, or nearly killed time after time after time because he doesn't tell them... *sigh* LOL
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I really love how you've gotten into his head for this scene. (and thanks for providing a link to the page!)
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Thanks. :)
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Thanks! :)
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*tackle-hugs you and fic*
I'll chime in with the chorus above and say how great a sad!Tony voice you have. In the 'money' panel we only see the back of Tony's head and this fic is what he was thinking at that wall I'm sure.
So good to see you Honey.
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Thank you kindly. And it's lovely to see you again, finally! :)
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