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cap_ironman2010-12-25 09:47 am
cap_ironman_fe) wrote in cap_ironman2010-12-25 09:47 am
Happy Holidays, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
brilligspoons part two!
Title: Engaging the Enemy
Author:tsukinofaerii
Beta:penumbren
Rating: PG-13
Universe: Marvel Adventures AU
Warnings: None.
Prompt: AU in which villain!Tony pulls Steve's metaphorical pigtails to get his attention!
Summary: Iron Man is one of the more persistent villains that the Ultimates face, with a special fondness for one Captain America. As Steve starts to findout more and more about him, the lines between hero and villain begin to blur. Sometimes, you don't have to be on the right side of the law to be in the right.
Word Count: ~23,000
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Stacy returned the roses, with a full report verifying their non-toxicity and trace information on where they'd been grown. Steve left them on his desk and pinned the lab results next to Iron Man's card with a little glow of pride.
Non-toxic roses. They had to be a sign of something. Lack of hostility, maybe, which was a big step in hero-villain interactions.
The rest of the week passed quietly. The Ultimates had a brief run-in with the Fantastic Four during an attack by MODOK, who had recently declared chain coffee shops to be inimical to scientific advancement, and had exchanged small talk while AIM's goons were loaded into police vans. Steve tried to stay busy, helping police and training with SHIELD agents, but crime had fallen off over the winter. Most known supervillains migrated south during the worst of the winter cold, where they could create their monsters and plot without having to wait for a minion to shovel snow. The handful that remained left couldn't keep up the pace, and were farther hampered by a snowstorm. In the end, the majority of New York's evildoers just stayed indoors.
Steve was in SHIELD's mess hall when the next attack happened. Explosions went off high overhead, sounding like artillery shells. Everyone in the room dropped to the floor. Staying low, Steve made his way towards an exterior door. There were no sounds of buildings being hit—something he was sure he'd recognize if he heard it—but it paid to not take chances.
Once outside in the lightly falling snow, the cause of the commotion was immediately obvious. The sky over New York City glowed with red, white and blue fireworks, lighting up the clouds. If he squinted, they almost looked to be forming hearts, but the clouds made the shapes fuzzy and indistinct. It centered around the Empire State Building, which glowed gold in the center of the city.
SHIELD agents crowded around him, chattering and pointing to the fireworks. Apparently, the attack on a national landmark worried no one.
"Oh my god, that's adorable!" Jan latched onto his shoulders, growing taller so she could see better. "Cap, you have to go talk to him!"
Another blue firework went off. This one came in low enough that its shape was clearly visible as a heart. "What do you mean, go talk to him? He's probably trying to blow it up or something."
"Don't be ridiculous, it's obviously a romantic gesture." Jan shrunk back down to her usual size and reached into her pocket for her phone. It beeped as she flipped open the keyboard and started typing with her thumbs. "I'll text the team and tell them to give you some time alone. Spider-Man's probably already figured it out, but you know how Storm and Luke are."
I—you—" Steve sputtered, blushing bright red. "What if it's not Iron Man?"
Silently, Jan pointed at the Empire State Building. Darker red and gold fireworks had started appearing inside the other ones. "Then it's another color-coded villain with a really cheesy crush on you." She grabbed his arm, turned him around, and started pushing him through the crowded agents. "Just go, already. I'll cover for you."
Steve stumbled as he popped out of the press of people. He turned around to see Jan standing with her arms crossed and a determined look on her face.
"Well?"
Iron Man probably wouldn't do anything too villainous to the State building. He'd never shown much interest in non-SHIELD property damage, and it was too late at night to have very many hostages. And political statements weren't his style.
More fireworks went off as Steve slowly smiled. "... Thanks, Jan."
She flashed him a thumbs up. "Go, get 'em."
He was already wearing his costume, so he ran by his room to get his shield before going to find transport. Jan must have called in a favor, because his motorcycle was ready in the hangar bay. Snow made the ride tricky, but also ensured that the traffic was light. The shield on the side of his bike was all he needed for the police to ignore him. Usually Steve tried not to take advantage of it, but this time he rushed, ignoring the speed limits and driving on empty sidewalks.
When he arrived at the Empire State Building it glowed, golden metal creeping up the side. He pressed a gloved hand to it, and got a mild electric shock, even through the leather. Looking up, it seemed like the new sheathing had made it half-way to the top. The entire building was covered in a solid wall of gold: windows, lights, statuary.
Everything except the door. A hand-printed sign had been taped to the front of it.
I'm upstairs. Please take the elevator. It's not booby-trapped, villain's honor.
There was a little smiley face under it.
It seemed fairly straight-forward. Steve parked his bike in the lobby, where it would be safe. Shouldering his shield, Steve stepped up to the elevators and punched a button for the observatory. After all, if you couldn't trust a villain's honor, whose could you trust?
As promised, the elevator took him to the 102th floor without incident. It opened quietly as Steve stepped out with his shield up and ready, and closed again with as little fuss. The observation room was dark, other than the occasional flashes of light from the fireworks outside.
"Hello, Captain," Iron Man said in a low voice. He'd placed himself at the far end of the room, hidden in shadow. His eyes glowed a cold blue. "I knew you would come. Do you like my surprise?"
Steve kept his shield up and stayed watchful. There didn't seem to be any robots or traps, but Iron Man had surprised him before. "What are you up to? What's your game?"
"Theft. I figured, I haven't tried to steal a national monument yet, and everyone's got to have some fun now and then." Iron Man shrugged and stepped out of the shadows. His armor had been given an extra polish; it gleamed in the light of the fireworks. He'd also, for reasons Steve couldn't figure out, added a red cape. "And maybe a little bit of friendly capture, if you're up for it."
Behind Steve came the sound of the elevator door sliding open again. Little metal feet scuttled over the floor as tiny, robotic spiders poured out, their red eyes glowing in the darkness. They ranged from the size of a quarter to a middling dog. Steve swung around, putting his back to a wall as they surrounded him. Their little pincers clicked open and closed, but they didn't try to attack. They must have been waiting on a lower floor, he realized.
"Do you like them?" Iron Man asked, with an odd, eager lilt to his computerized voice. "I got the idea from seeing Spider-Man. Spiders are such versatile little creatures. I copied them in nature as best I could."
"You think I'm going to let a bunch of tiny robots stop me?" Steve's eyes were finally adjusting to the lack of light. He took a good, long look at the spiders, and then stomped forward one pace. They darted back, staying out of reach. "They don't even have any weapons!"
Unless those pincers were poisonous, but he didn't think they would be very much so if they were. At least, he hoped they wouldn't. Villain, Rogers. He's a bad guy.
Why did it have to be so hard to remember that?
"Oh, but you see, I don't want to hurt you," Iron Man purred. A light in his hand flashed, and the front row of spiders swung around, pointing their tails at him. From the new angle, their spinners were fully visible. "Do you know spider silk has a higher tensile strength than steel?"
Actually, he did. Spider-Man loved to show off that way. "And you think you're going to steal a whole building? How?"
"That gold sheathing you saw out there was actually nano-mites," Iron Man said, just a touch gleefully. "They're separating the building from its foundation even now. When it's done, my Iron Fortress is easily powerful enough to carry it off."
Steve really, really wished he could see Iron Man's face. It would have made it much easier to tell if that had been an Evil Monologue™ or just an answer. "With us in it?"
"If I'm lucky." And right then, it didn't matter what Iron Man's expression was, because Steve knew that tone of voice. "Am I going to get lucky, Cap?"
Steel pincers clicked more as Steve looked between the spiders and their iron master. I'm going to be captured anyway. Thinking about it like that made the decision easy.
Roingroingroing. Spiders jumped away as his shield dropped to the floor and spun. Steve smiled, a little shyly, and held out his wrists. "I'll think about it."
It barely took any time at all for the spiders to wrap him up in silk like a captured fly. They covered him at the shoulders, waist, knees and ankles and left him propped up against the wall. Iron Man watched his robots with an air of approval, and nodded when they were finished.
"Excellent," he told them, bending down to pat one on its head. "Now go stall the Ultimates."
Gold crept over the windows as the spiders left via the elevator, beeping and whirling all the while. It blocked out the view of the fireworks, though Steve could still hear them going on. By the time the elevator had gone, the observation room was almost in total darkness.
Iron boots crossed the room, step by slow step. Steve closed his eyes to listen to them approach, but the echoes made it hard to triangulate Iron Man's position. So when a warm, human hand touched his cheek, he jumped.
"Just me," Iron Man murmured, without the computerized interference. His voice was smooth, with the kind of rolling undertones that a lot of politicians had. More metal clinked, and Steve found himself with a lap full of Iron Avenger. Facial hair brushed his cheek as the villain settled in. This time Steve paid enough attention to notice that it was fully grown—an affectation, rather than just a five o'clock shadow. "So, how's this heroing thing working out for you? Okay so far?"
"It has its days. Just last week, someone sent me flowers." Steve turned his head, and managed to land a kiss on the tip of Iron Man's nose. Just enough light got through the windows to give him an impression of a strong profile and dark hair. "How's villaining?"
"Not bad at all. Yesterday I drop-kicked a kitten."
"Really?"
"Nah." Cool air touched Steve's forehead as his cowl slipped off. Warm fingers ran through his hair, fluffing it "My minions would all walk, and then who would remember my social security number?"
For some reason, that bit of information surprised Steve. "You have a social security number?"
"Sure do. I'm a villain. That doesn't mean I'm not an American citizen. I pay taxes, too." Iron Man must have had better light at his angle, because his attempt at a kiss only missed Steve's mouth by a half an inch.
The second one was right on the money. Steve groaned and pressed into the kiss, letting Iron Man slip his tongue between his lips. Sixth—seventh?—kidnapping, he reasoned. It's okay. His hands clenched into fists as Iron Man wrapped his arms around his shoulders, settling more firmly on Steve's thighs. Armor joints dug into Steve's hips, but he didn't care enough to say anything.
Iron Man's kisses were slow, torturously so, and disappointingly not of the ravishing sort. When Steve tried to step it up, Iron Man pulled away and slowed down even more.
"Nope, not so fast soldier," he murmured, turning his lips to Steve's jaw line. Goose bumps ran down Steve's skin as Iron Man pulled his mail out of his waistband. "My robots should keep the Ultimates busy for a couple of hours. No rush."
"I said maybe." Like Steve's arguments that the first kiss had been one-sided, this fell flat. His breath caught as Iron Man's teeth slid over the skin of his throat. "What if they get through too soon?"
"Then blue balls are had by all," Iron Man muttered with a mouthful of skin, clever fingers plucking at Steve's belt. "You talk too much."
"One— one more question," Steve insisted, wriggling to give Iron Man a better hold on his belt buckle. "What did you do with Anthony Stark?"
Iron Man's hands stopped moving. "What did you say?"
Bewildered, Steve squirmed to try and get a better look at his face. He was foiled by the nano-mites that had completely covered the windows while he'd been distracted. "Anthony Stark," he repeated, a little breathless. "I know that you've been attacking SHIELD facilities with tech they purchased from him, and I know he's missing. What happened to him?"
"Purchased? Missing?" For the first time since Steve had started foiling his fiendish plots, Iron Man sounded angry. "Is that what Fury told you? Is he the one that put you up to this? He is, isn't he?"
"What— no!"
But Steve's protests were either too little or too late. Iron Man let go of him and stood. Metal scraped against metal, and when Iron Man spoke again it was with the computerized tones of the armor. "You're bugged, aren't you? I should have known better than to trust one of Fury's goons." Much faster than it had taken over, the gold covering receded from the windows. Light from helicopters flooded in from outside, outlining the armor.
"Wait!" Steve shouted to stop him, but Iron Man didn't listen. He shot a repulsor beam through the window, shattering the glass. Immediately the room filled with freezing cold wind.
"I'll see you next time, Rogers. Maybe."
And just like that, he jumped. There was a moment of silence, and then the blue glow of his boots became visible in the distance.
Wind whistled as Storm rose up under the broke window, snowflake swirling around her. She settled down quietly, taking in the room and Steve. "I take it that did not go as well as hoped."
"No." Steve slumped back against the wall. As he watched, Iron Man's glow vanished into the clouds. "It didn't."
Tony touched down inside the fortress. As soon as the skyway had closed, he yanked off his helmet and threw it. It bounced off the War Machine armor with a hollow sound and rolled over the floor.
"So, no Empire State Building, huh?" Rhodey asked behind him.
Tony turned to see his best friend lounging in one of the command chairs. On a table in front of him were two cups of cocoa, still steaming, and a full sack of marshmallows. He was still in the thick black spandex wetsuit that went under the armor. Tony didn't even feel like admiring the muscles it outlined.
"I knew this was a bad idea," Rhodey continued, dropping marshmallows into the mugs and giving them a stir, so the little white balls of fluff were liberally coated with chocolate. "So, what happened? He turned you down? Not everyone wants to be a villain, you know."
Stripping off his gauntlets, Tony took a seat in the other command chair and helped himself to the other mug of cocoa. It was the real stuff that Jarvis had made since he was a kid, thick with actual chocolate and still steaming. "I wish. It would have been easier."
"What would have been easier?"
Depression led Tony to grab another handful of marshmallows from the bag and drop them in. He let them melt, waiting until the top layer of cocoa was covered in a thin layer of white goo to take his first sip. "He asked about Anthony Stark. What I did with him."
Like the best friend he was, Rhodey winced. "Ouch, that had to hurt. What did you tell him?"
Before he replied, Tony took another sip, letting the thick cocoa slide down his throat. At least some things wouldn't betray him, and Jarvis' cocoa was nearly at the top of the list. "What was I supposed to tell him? 'I'm Tony Stark, and here's all the evidence your boss needs for a warrant?' No, thank you. Fury's been trying to pin my identity on me for two years, damned if I'm handing it to him on a red, white and blue platter. No matter how hot that platter's ass looks in tight leather."
Rhodey choked, hurriedly putting down his mug to cover his mouth. "Too much information," he coughed. "Man, I did not need to know that."
"Like you needed to be told." Tony patted Rhodey's back encouragingly as he coughed. "It's impossible to miss."
"Yeah, if you're looking," Rhodey shot back, clearing his throat one last time. When Tony held up his mug, he accepted it with a grateful expression and took a sip. "What's your plan? You going to confront him about it?"
Tony settled back in his chair. Hot ceramic warmed his palms and fingers as he cradled his mug. "The plan's the same. We get the job done. No more games."
"It's better this way. Less distractions."
The melted marshmallows were starting to sink into Tony's cocoa, leaving a white ring around the edge. He stared down at it, wishing the fluff would come back. "Yeah."
When Steve got back to SHIELD Headquarters, Fury waited by the entrance in full uniform. He came up and patted Steve on the shoulder. "Good job, soldier. I know it was tough, but you did the right thing."
And then he kept walking.
The Ultimates trailed in, gathering around Steve protectively as they walked through the hallway to the lounge. SHIELD's usual bustle had dimmed. The agents they passed took one look at Steve's expression and scrambled to get out of the way. When Steve would have turned to go to his room, Thor and Luke kept him blocked in. With Spider-Man following overhead and Storm leading the way, Hulk and Jan bringing up the rear was almost overkill.
By the time they reached the lounge, it had been abandoned. Someone had even left a cup of coffee undrunk and steaming on the counter. Thor pressed him down onto one of the chairs while everyone else did a quick search. In Fury's SHIELD, you could never be certain that you weren't being watched. Spider-Man found a hidden camera embedded in a cabinet and covered it with webbing, but that was all.
After the room was secure, the Ultimates gathered in a half-circle around him, solemn as a funeral procession.
"Tell us what happened," Jan ordered gently.
Luke poured a fresh cup coffee and offered it to him. Steve accepted it, but didn't take a drink. It was just something to do with his hands. "I don't know what happened," he admitted. "Iron Man was going to steal the Empire State Building, I said I wouldn't let him. We talked, he captured me, and..." Steve stared into his coffee, blushing.
"You 'talked' some more," Storm finished for him, including the air quotes.
Steve nodded, grateful that he wasn't going to have to say he tried to stick his hands up my shirt, and definitely wouldn't have to say he succeeded. They'd probably figured that part out already. "Yeah. Talked."
"What did you say?" Spider-Man asked. He perched on the back of his chair, using some sort of super spider power to balance it on two legs. When everyone glared at him, he shrugged. "It's obvious that's something made Iron Man angry, and the only other person up there was Cap. That's a clue."
Before they could start arguing, Steve jumped in. "I asked what he'd done with Anthony Stark."
Jan and Thor both winced.
"Oh, Steve," Jan groaned theatrically, folding her arms on the table and dropping her forehead to them. "How could you?"
"A most unseemly question to be asked in the midst of 'talking'," Thor agreed gravely. "I see now why Iron Man is righteously angered."
The rest of the team just stared on in confusion. "Mind sharing with the rest of the class?" Luke asked.
"Hulk don't understand."
"It's simple." Jan pulled her face out of her arms. "Steve asked if Iron Man kidnapped another guy. That's like asking if he cheated! And you said that while you were 'talking'?" She shook her head, clicking her tongue. "Don't you know anything?"
The air quotes were starting to become a little annoying. "I needed to know!" Steve bristled. "What if he'd killed him or something?"
And he'd blamed Fury, Steve remembered. The conversation played through his memory. It hadn't felt like Iron Man thought Steve was accusing him of cheating. Why would he have asked about Fury, if that had been it?
But Jan and Thor were usually right when it came to Iron Man. They'd been the ones to figure out that his innuendo and pick up lines were honest, when Steve had thought he was just trying to ruffle feathers. Maybe they were right this time, too.
"Tin Man no kill," Hulk said flatly, sitting down heavily. The sudden drop of his weight made ripples spread through Steve's coffee. "Tin Man nice to Hulk. Gives Hulk candy."
"He is a villain," Storm added, but her expression was doubtful. They'd had enough run-ins with Iron Man to know what sort of bad guy he was. Criminal mastermind, yes, evil genius, no.
"An apology must be extended for this foul calumny." Thor's big hand slapped the table, and a sound like thunder rippled through the air. Everyone's hair suddenly crackled with a static charge. "You must find him."
Steve ran his hand through his hair. "Where? SHIELD has been looking for him for years. Do you think I'll have a better chance?"
Spider-Man shifted from foot to foot, apparently thinking to himself. "He is a villain," he said. "He'll have to do villainy things eventually. You can catch him then, and apologize."
The Ultimates all looked around at each other uncertainly. It sounded like a good plan, but something about it didn't seem so simple. "What if Iron Man is too angry to attack anything?" Steve asked. "He didn't even finish stealing the Empire State Building."
"He can't hold out forever," Jan said, trying for a reassuring tone and failing completely. "Eventually, he'll attack, and we'll find him. How hard can it be?"
Iron Man attacked three times in the next month. Each time, it was a hit and run—the Ultimates never even caught a glimpse of him. By the time they got to the scene, he was long gone, and whatever he'd been after was gone with him. He'd gone back to SHIELD-only attacks, which at least made him predictable, but not enough so that they could catch him. Villain attacks were still down for the winter, which combined with the Iron Man issue to turn what was usually a welcome slow period into pure boredom.
So when a base in Wyoming called in with a Priority One emergency, the entire team was more than ready to see some action.
They hadn't expected zombies. Especially not ones that hadn't had the decency to die first.
"And I thought my last date was bad!" Jan shouted, shrinking into her Wasp form in order to dodge an attempt to bite her. "Don't manhandle the goods, buddy! You've gotta at least buy me dinner first!"
What used to be normal a SHIELD agent turned stiffly, trying to grab for it. He moved much too slow to be effective, but it didn't seem to deter him. Lines of what looked like computer data scrolled over his irises, which had gone entirely black. The zombies were swarming, an entire military base full of them.
"Don't hurt them!" Steve ordered, using his shield to block the woman attacking him.
"Sure, just as soon as they promise not to hurt me!" Luke countered, throwing a man in a lab coat into a wall.
"They're innocent—" Steve ducked as the woman came at him again, rotating his leg to knock her off her feet. A splatter of webbing caught the zombie in the eyes as she tried to get up. She fell back, flailing blindly.
He didn't have time to thank Spider-Man for the rescue. Three more zombies surrounded him. The rest of the team were in similar straights, hampered by too many attackers and an unwillingness to do critical damage. Even Hulk was swarmed under. Steve did his best to fight them off, but there were just too many.
At the main entrance, there came the sound of metal crunching. "Ultimates! Cover your ears!"
Steve twisted around. Iron Man stood in the middle of the broken doors, holding up a pair of speakers. Realizing what was about to happen, he dropped down and slammed his hands over his ears just as a high-pitched screech started up. The zombies froze in place, jerking as they tried to escape the noise. After only a few seconds they started dropping. Thirty seconds and they were all down.
The noise stopped.
"Loud noise make Hulk's ears hurt," the green giant complained in the following silence.
"That'll only stop them for a couple of minutes," Iron Man explained, stepping around the fallen agents. "Come on, we've got to deprogram them at the source."
"Iron Man," Thor said, pulling himself out from under an elderly man who had fallen onto him, "this is your doing?"
"Not exactly. It wasn't intended to do this. Idiots must not have bothered reading the notes." He dropped the speakers in the middle of the floor. "I'm going to need someone to watch my back. If I can get to the computer that started this, I can use the broadcast that's controlling them to kill the virus."
"I'll go with you," Steve offered. Around them, the zombies were starting to stir.
Iron Man didn't look at him. "Anyone else?"
"No," Storm said for them all. "Captain America will do it. We will contain the infected here."
Slowly, Iron Man's head turned towards him. Time and distance hadn't taken away Steve's ability to reach his body language through the armor. Iron Man was still hurt. They stared at each other, then Iron Man nodded curtly.
"Fine. Hope you can keep up. The signal's coming from upstairs." Jet boots cracked to life. Iron Man lifted off.
Steve shouted and took off after him. Zombies were climbing to their feet, reaching for him. He leapt over most of them, and used his shield to knock the ones he couldn't jump out of his way. Iron Man stayed just far enough ahead that there was no hope of talking, much less getting help.
They reached the elevator. The base was running on generators as a result of the emergency, which gave them light but no elevator. Steve kept back the zombies while Iron Man forced open the doors. He grabbed onto Iron Man's shoulders just in time to catch a ride up the empty shaft.
"Why are you helping us?" Steve asked breathlessly, watching the floors pass. "And how do you know how to stop them?"
"Same answer for both questions: this is my program," Iron Man replied stiffly. He didn't make any attempt to help Steve hold on. "I made it, SHIELD's misusing it. By the time someone figured out how to stop it, the techno-virus would have mutated beyond needing the broadcast signal. Zombie apocalypses suck, trust me."
Steve waited to speak again until Iron Man stopped by a set of elevator doors and started to force them open. "I'm sorry."
Metal screeched as Iron Man's fingers slipped. Light seeped through the crack he'd already put in the doors. "Pardon me?"
"I said, I'm sorry. For asking about Stark." Steve kept an eye on a nearby ledge. If Iron Man decided to shake him off, he could probably manage to land there. Even if he didn't, he'd jumped from a plane without a parachute before. "I know you wouldn't kidnap anyone else."
"Kidnap someone else. Right." Dents appeared in the doors under Iron Man's fingers. His voice through the computerization sounded thick and restrained, clearly on the edge of rage. "Why'd you ask in the first place, then?"
Truth time. "I'd been doing research on you," Steve admitted. "And the Stark connection... it looked suspicious, and you are a villain... So I had to know."
"And that's it?"
"That's it."
Elevator doors shrieked as Iron Man finished opening them. He slid an arm around Steve's waist, his gauntleted hand settling low on his hip. "I'll fly you the rest of the way," he said cheerfully. "No reason for you to fight your way through.
Since there were no zombies in the hallway, Steve interpreted that as forgiveness. It was probably only a matter of time before there were zombies, though, so he tightened his grip. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Iron Man's hand slid lower, grabbing a handful of Steve's ass, squeezing firmly. "Wouldn't want you to get bitten or anything. Can't let anyone else defeat you."
That was definitely forgiveness. Steve blushed his way through the entire flight. Iron Man kept them high enough that the zombies couldn't get to them, so Steve didn't really have much to focus on other than Iron Man's hand placement.
Zombies were thick around the lab that housed the computer they needed, most of them looking like they might be the scientists that started it all. Steve couldn't start to count them; it must have been a quarter of the base's population. They pressed so tightly together that Iron Man couldn't get through the door.
They set down in the center of the throng, fighting back to back as they muscled their way through. The zombies were pressed shoulder to shoulder, which made it easier to take out three and four at a time but still made each step hard-won. Iron Man didn't even try to use the more lethal weapons Steve knew he had in his arsenal.
As soon as they were through the door, the press eased. Steve put his shield down and barreled through. Iron Man followed close behind, keeping the zombies from attacking Steve's back.
"Where's the computer?" Steve tossed an attacker back at the door. Zombies toppled backwards in a domino effect.
"Far corner! The yellow screen!"
He twisted to look. One computer in a bank of them glowed with a bright, canary yellow glare. That looks evil. "Fly over there, I'll keep them distracted!"
Iron Man ducked down out of sight. A few seconds later, every zombie in his vicinity went down. "You'll get swarmed!"
"Just do it!"
Jet boots sounded, and for a second Steve thought Iron Man might actually listen to him. Instead, he was suddenly scooped up by the shoulders and dangling ten feet in the air.
"Put me down!" Steve squirmed, kicking at the zombies that reached for his feet. They lurched after him, going in vaguely the same direction as Iron Man. "You brought me up here to watch your back!"
"And you're going to watch it, right where I can watch yours."
A repulsor blast at the floor made most of the zombies stumble back from the computer. Self preservation still had some sort of hold on them. Steve and Iron Man set down in the cleared space. Immediately, Iron Man turned to work at the computer. His fingers moved over the keyboard so rapidly that the noise blurred into a single sound, instead of individual key-clicks.
Somehow the zombies seemed to know what they were doing. They attacked more ferociously. One of them sunk her teeth into the shield, gnawing on its edge. Steve yanked it away and kicked her back. "Sorry!"
"Don't apologize to them!" Iron Man chided, without an audible slowing of his typing. "They probably don't even feel pain!"
"'Probably' isn't good enough!" An older man almost snuck up on the left, but Steve caught him by the arm and swung him back into the crowd. "Hurry up, I think they're getting smarter!"
"You can't rush genius," Iron Man shot back.
"Can you rush undoing genius?" One of them almost slipped between his legs. Steve caught her by the shoulders and flipped onto his hands, using his legs to toss her back.
"I'm trying!" The last few seconds of typing grew louder. "There, I've got it!"
A piercing squeal cut through the air. The zombies screamed and stumbled back, clutching their heads. Like before, they dropped unconscious to the floor after only a few seconds.
"That should do it," Iron Man announced. "And just in case, the rest of the data is corrupted now. This shouldn't be able to happen again."
Steve frowned. It seemed wrong, somehow, to destroy work that someone had obviously thought could do some good. Looking out over the fallen SHIELD workers, he had to admit that there were probably some sorts of things better left untouched. "Good job, Iron Man."
"Good job? I help save the day, which is strictly against the Supervillain Union's rules, and all I get is a good job?" Iron Man crossed his arms, looking like he might be pouting.
Smiling, Steve leaned over and kissed Iron Man's faceplate. "My hero."
Before he could pull away, Steve found himself wrapped up in an iron embrace. Two gauntleted hands kept him in place with solid handfuls of his posterior. "Maybe I should kidnap you," Iron Man offered. "We haven't had a good kidnapping in a while. I could give you some real hands-on experience with technology."
"Maybe next time." Steve rapped his knuckles against Iron Man's helmet. "You should probably make a dramatic escape, or else I'll have to try and arrest you."
"Ah, the life of a villain is fraught with peril." Iron Man gave his rear another squeeze, then let go and stepped back. His boots fired, lifting him a few inches off the ground. "See you around, Cap."
Steve shielded his eyes from debris as Iron Man blasted out through a window. Things were looking up.
"What do you mean, Iron Man did it?" Steve demanded, slamming his hands down on the table. "He helped us stop the attack, and now you're saying he caused it? That doesn't make any sense!"
The SHIELD top command didn't seem impressed by his outburst. None of the other Ultimates were present—Steve was always picked to represent the team at these meetings, even though Storm held the position of current chair. When given the choice, they seemed to prefer someone with military training. Probably because they think I'm easier to control, Steve thought mutinously.
"Cap, be reasonable," Fury said from the head of the table. "It fits his pattern, and he was on the scene. Who else do you think did it?"
"He said that they didn't read the notes," Steve blurted without thinking. "Iron Man usually goes after places with Stark Enterprises tech, right? What sort of technology were they working with?"
"Who told you that?" Admiral Bosch, a portly man with a big, veiny red nose, demanded. "That's classified information!"
"I'm right, aren't I? It was StarkTech." Steve leaned over the table, meeting their eyes. Or trying to. Three of them wouldn't. "The stuff they were working with was the sort that would have exactly that sort of effect, and you're trying to blame Iron Man to cover up the lab accident."
"No one is covering up anything," Fury insisted. "That lab had a dozen fail-safes in place, and they were bypassed. Your boy proved he has no problem doing exactly that. You think we should give a known villain the benefit of the doubt on this?"
Trick question, but honesty made Steve answer, "Yes. I do."
Fury looked at him with pity in his eye. "I think you've made your case, then. Dismissed, Captain."
Steve glared around at the gathered brass, then grabbed his paperwork and let himself out. Spider-Man waited just outside the doors, being held at bay by a set of muscular SHIELD agents acting as guards. Since his identity was still unknown, Spider-Man wasn't allowed anywhere near top brass, on the off-chance that he was a murderer, terrorist or a socialist.
It was a shame. Spider-Man might have put a dent in their shiny exteriors.
"Well? How'd it go?" Spider-Man bounced along after Steve, nearly silent in his spider-booties. "You don't look like it went well. Kind of grumpy, actually."
"Fury is blaming Iron Man for what happened in Wyoming," Steve explained sotto voce. Papers crinkled in his hand as he gripped them tight. "He thinks Iron Man sabotaged whatever they had going on."
Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw Spider-Man start a cat's cradle using webbing. "I guess that makes sense. Kind of."
"He helped us!" Paper ripped in his hands. Steve looked down at them in dismay. He might actually need the agenda items. Maybe. One day.
Spider-Man shrugged and added a new thread to his cradle. "Well, you two had just argued, right? Maybe he just wanted you to think he was a good guy or something."
They passed a trash bin, so Steve dumped the ripped up paperwork. "Do you really think that was it? He seemed pretty upset about it."
Webbing twisted around itself as Spider-Man added two more strands, blatantly cheating. "Why was he upset?"
"He said that the virus was his program and SHIELD had..." Steve stopped walking as they came to a corner, frowning. Puzzle piece thoughts slid against one another, not quite lining up. "But that can't be right."
Without appearing to notice, Spider-Man kept walking, right up the side of a wall and back to Steve. "What's not right? Did he say something else?"
Steve ignored him, reaching into one of his pockets and digging. The little broken piece of Iron Man's armor had wedged itself into a corner and caught on the fabric. Wiggling it back and forth, Steve eased it free and pulled it out. Emblazoned on the chip, the swoosh with wings was instantly recognizable.
"This!" Spider-Man reeled back, holding his cat's cradle protectively out of the way as Steve shoved the bit of metal at him. "This is a piece that broke off from Ion Man's suit. Look at this logo: SE—Stark Enterprises! And Iron Man said that he'd created the virus that had broken out in Wyoming, but they just said that it was StarkTech!"
Using powers known only to himself, Spider-Man made his mask blink. "Were you carrying that around all this time?"
The piece of red metal glinted under his fingers as Steve fiddled with it awkwardly. He couldn't make himself meet Spider-Man's eyes. "Maybe."
"You have it bad, boy," Spider-Man opined. He wadded up his work and tossed it towards a trash can. "So you think Stark is working with Iron Man?"
"No, but I think I know Iron Man's real identity." Steve shook his head and reached for his communicator and pressed the All Members Alert. "Ultimates, I'm calling a team meeting. Be in Meeting Room Alpha in ten minutes. This is important."
Steve and Spider-Man took extra care while de-bugging the room. He could tell that Spider-Man didn't understand why, but he didn't question Steve's decision. For his part, Steve wasn't going to take any chances.
The team members straggled in, with Thor and Storm coming in last. At Steve's nod, Spider-Man closed the door and sealed the edges with webbing. Steve finished hooking up the computer to an audio/video feed.
"What's with the secrecy?" Luke asked as the lights dimmed. Pale blue light from the projector washed over his face. "You've got another mission for us? We just got back!"
"It is a most vexom timing," Thor agreed. "I had intentioned to spend time in a viewing of Tokyo Mew Mew, which I recently acquired."
Everyone looked at each other uncomfortably. On Thor's right side, Jan slowly reached over and patted his hand. "Thor," she said slowly. "Have you been getting cheap pirated anime fansubs again?"
The God of Thunder cut his eyes away. "I know not of what you speak. My subtitled editions are most pure, I assure you that."
"Petty piracy aside," Steve cut in, before things could turn into yet another discussion of Thor's anime addiction. "I think I have evidence that Fury has been lying to us. And has been for a long time."
This announcement won the resounding silence of the unsurprised. Even Hulk looked bored.
"He is the head of SHIELD," Storm said after a few minutes.
"And he's Nick Fury," Giant Girl added, as if this were the more damning evidence. "I think he lies to himself, actually."
"I'd be worried if he told the truth," was Luke's opinion.
This was not the reaction Steve had been hoping for. Reaching for his mouse, he pulled up one of the images he'd downloaded from SHIELD's database, of a handsome, dark-haired man behind the wheel of a convertible. "This is Anthony Stark," he explained. "The CEO of Stark Enterprises, considered one of the smartest men in the world, and voted sexiest man alive by People Magazine five years in a row." He clicked through to another picture of Stark addressing a board room meeting. The camera was low and close, showing off how his slacks clung to his thighs, while his broad shoulders and trim waist were emphasized by the angle and the cut of his suit jacket.
Jan gave a low whistle and leaned forward in her seat. She fanned herself. "I'd forgotten how hot he is. Woof."
For once, Spider-Man had sat in his chair, rather than balanced on the back of it. "Are you planning on replacing Iron Man as your regular kidnapper?" he asked. "Is that what all this stuff about Stark is about?"
"No!" Steve replied immediately. Hastily, he clicked to the next picture, which was still of Stark. This time, he was being assisted out of a vehicle by a red-haired woman and a big, flat-faced blond man. They were actively trying to block the cameras, but the shot managed to get a picture of Anthony's bandaged head and sling.
"Two years ago, Stark was held captive by enemies of the state. No one knows how he escaped. Shortly after he returned to the USA, Stark closed the weapons manufacturing arm of Stark Enterprises. Iron Man made his first appearance shortly thereafter."
"Hey, I remember that." Luke's finger formed a shadow, pointing at the picture. "That was big news. Everyone thought Iron Man would be the next big hero."
"Right," Steve agreed. "Six months after this photo was taken, Iron Man attacked his first SHIELD installation, and Stark vanished. SHIELD lists him as missing, but the company refuses to acknowledge it, and doesn't seem to have been affected by it at all." Before they could interrupt, Steve clicked to the next file, this one a screenshot of one of the reports he'd viewed, with the important parts circled. "Iron Man usually attacks SHIELD laboratories, not military bases, and he's shown a preference for ones that are working with Stark Enterprises technology"
Reaching into his pocket, he took out the piece of armor and dropped it onto the table. Thor picked it up, electricity sparking between his fingers and the metal. His eyebrows rose, and he passed it over to Jan, pointing at the SE logo. She pulled out her phone and flipped it over, showing an identical emblem.
"That came from Iron Man's armor. I picked it up after one of our battles," Steve explained. "And Iron Man stated outright that he'd created the virus we dealt with yesterday, while SHIELD says it was Stark."
"Tin Man is pretty man?" Hulk asked in the silence that followed.
"Erm. That about sums it up, yes." Steve added a few more circles, studiously not looking up. "But I don't know why he's attacking SHIELD, or destroying his own work. You'd think, if anything, he'd be going after other people's technology."
The flat of Thor's hand came down loudly on the table. "We must seek the truth of this matter," Thor declared. "If Iron Man is to present honorable court to our friend, his reasons for wrong-doing must be brought to light."
"So now you admit that Iron Man is a villain," Jan sighed. "You might as well admit that Iron Man is the one who's been funneling you fansubs. We've all seen you pass thumb drives in the middle of a fight."
"I will admit no such thing."
"So what do we do?" Luke asked. Behind his head, Spider-Man reached up and started making shadow puppets on the screen. "Ask if he's Stark, hope he doesn't fly away in a huff again?"
"Steve's pretty enough to lure in ten Iron Men," Jan offered. "We'll doll him up and stick him on a roof somewhere. Ten minutes, tops."
"Why didn't we think of that a year ago?" Luke complained. "Think of how much time we've wasted when we could have just tied Cap up and put him under a box."
"I'm still here," Steve felt the need to remind them.
"Quiet, bait," Spider-Man waved him off, making a shadow dinosaur, much to Hulk's delight. "What kind of dolling up are we talking about? I don't think Iron Man would go for anything too blatant. Though Cap would probably be able to pull off a maid costume."
Jan's grin made Steve fear. "I have an idea or two.
Previous Next
Author:
tsukinofaeriiBeta:
penumbrenRating: PG-13
Universe: Marvel Adventures AU
Warnings: None.
Prompt: AU in which villain!Tony pulls Steve's metaphorical pigtails to get his attention!
Summary: Iron Man is one of the more persistent villains that the Ultimates face, with a special fondness for one Captain America. As Steve starts to findout more and more about him, the lines between hero and villain begin to blur. Sometimes, you don't have to be on the right side of the law to be in the right.
Word Count: ~23,000
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Stacy returned the roses, with a full report verifying their non-toxicity and trace information on where they'd been grown. Steve left them on his desk and pinned the lab results next to Iron Man's card with a little glow of pride.
Non-toxic roses. They had to be a sign of something. Lack of hostility, maybe, which was a big step in hero-villain interactions.
The rest of the week passed quietly. The Ultimates had a brief run-in with the Fantastic Four during an attack by MODOK, who had recently declared chain coffee shops to be inimical to scientific advancement, and had exchanged small talk while AIM's goons were loaded into police vans. Steve tried to stay busy, helping police and training with SHIELD agents, but crime had fallen off over the winter. Most known supervillains migrated south during the worst of the winter cold, where they could create their monsters and plot without having to wait for a minion to shovel snow. The handful that remained left couldn't keep up the pace, and were farther hampered by a snowstorm. In the end, the majority of New York's evildoers just stayed indoors.
Steve was in SHIELD's mess hall when the next attack happened. Explosions went off high overhead, sounding like artillery shells. Everyone in the room dropped to the floor. Staying low, Steve made his way towards an exterior door. There were no sounds of buildings being hit—something he was sure he'd recognize if he heard it—but it paid to not take chances.
Once outside in the lightly falling snow, the cause of the commotion was immediately obvious. The sky over New York City glowed with red, white and blue fireworks, lighting up the clouds. If he squinted, they almost looked to be forming hearts, but the clouds made the shapes fuzzy and indistinct. It centered around the Empire State Building, which glowed gold in the center of the city.
SHIELD agents crowded around him, chattering and pointing to the fireworks. Apparently, the attack on a national landmark worried no one.
"Oh my god, that's adorable!" Jan latched onto his shoulders, growing taller so she could see better. "Cap, you have to go talk to him!"
Another blue firework went off. This one came in low enough that its shape was clearly visible as a heart. "What do you mean, go talk to him? He's probably trying to blow it up or something."
"Don't be ridiculous, it's obviously a romantic gesture." Jan shrunk back down to her usual size and reached into her pocket for her phone. It beeped as she flipped open the keyboard and started typing with her thumbs. "I'll text the team and tell them to give you some time alone. Spider-Man's probably already figured it out, but you know how Storm and Luke are."
I—you—" Steve sputtered, blushing bright red. "What if it's not Iron Man?"
Silently, Jan pointed at the Empire State Building. Darker red and gold fireworks had started appearing inside the other ones. "Then it's another color-coded villain with a really cheesy crush on you." She grabbed his arm, turned him around, and started pushing him through the crowded agents. "Just go, already. I'll cover for you."
Steve stumbled as he popped out of the press of people. He turned around to see Jan standing with her arms crossed and a determined look on her face.
"Well?"
Iron Man probably wouldn't do anything too villainous to the State building. He'd never shown much interest in non-SHIELD property damage, and it was too late at night to have very many hostages. And political statements weren't his style.
More fireworks went off as Steve slowly smiled. "... Thanks, Jan."
She flashed him a thumbs up. "Go, get 'em."
He was already wearing his costume, so he ran by his room to get his shield before going to find transport. Jan must have called in a favor, because his motorcycle was ready in the hangar bay. Snow made the ride tricky, but also ensured that the traffic was light. The shield on the side of his bike was all he needed for the police to ignore him. Usually Steve tried not to take advantage of it, but this time he rushed, ignoring the speed limits and driving on empty sidewalks.
When he arrived at the Empire State Building it glowed, golden metal creeping up the side. He pressed a gloved hand to it, and got a mild electric shock, even through the leather. Looking up, it seemed like the new sheathing had made it half-way to the top. The entire building was covered in a solid wall of gold: windows, lights, statuary.
Everything except the door. A hand-printed sign had been taped to the front of it.
I'm upstairs. Please take the elevator. It's not booby-trapped, villain's honor.
There was a little smiley face under it.
It seemed fairly straight-forward. Steve parked his bike in the lobby, where it would be safe. Shouldering his shield, Steve stepped up to the elevators and punched a button for the observatory. After all, if you couldn't trust a villain's honor, whose could you trust?
As promised, the elevator took him to the 102th floor without incident. It opened quietly as Steve stepped out with his shield up and ready, and closed again with as little fuss. The observation room was dark, other than the occasional flashes of light from the fireworks outside.
"Hello, Captain," Iron Man said in a low voice. He'd placed himself at the far end of the room, hidden in shadow. His eyes glowed a cold blue. "I knew you would come. Do you like my surprise?"
Steve kept his shield up and stayed watchful. There didn't seem to be any robots or traps, but Iron Man had surprised him before. "What are you up to? What's your game?"
"Theft. I figured, I haven't tried to steal a national monument yet, and everyone's got to have some fun now and then." Iron Man shrugged and stepped out of the shadows. His armor had been given an extra polish; it gleamed in the light of the fireworks. He'd also, for reasons Steve couldn't figure out, added a red cape. "And maybe a little bit of friendly capture, if you're up for it."
Behind Steve came the sound of the elevator door sliding open again. Little metal feet scuttled over the floor as tiny, robotic spiders poured out, their red eyes glowing in the darkness. They ranged from the size of a quarter to a middling dog. Steve swung around, putting his back to a wall as they surrounded him. Their little pincers clicked open and closed, but they didn't try to attack. They must have been waiting on a lower floor, he realized.
"Do you like them?" Iron Man asked, with an odd, eager lilt to his computerized voice. "I got the idea from seeing Spider-Man. Spiders are such versatile little creatures. I copied them in nature as best I could."
"You think I'm going to let a bunch of tiny robots stop me?" Steve's eyes were finally adjusting to the lack of light. He took a good, long look at the spiders, and then stomped forward one pace. They darted back, staying out of reach. "They don't even have any weapons!"
Unless those pincers were poisonous, but he didn't think they would be very much so if they were. At least, he hoped they wouldn't. Villain, Rogers. He's a bad guy.
Why did it have to be so hard to remember that?
"Oh, but you see, I don't want to hurt you," Iron Man purred. A light in his hand flashed, and the front row of spiders swung around, pointing their tails at him. From the new angle, their spinners were fully visible. "Do you know spider silk has a higher tensile strength than steel?"
Actually, he did. Spider-Man loved to show off that way. "And you think you're going to steal a whole building? How?"
"That gold sheathing you saw out there was actually nano-mites," Iron Man said, just a touch gleefully. "They're separating the building from its foundation even now. When it's done, my Iron Fortress is easily powerful enough to carry it off."
Steve really, really wished he could see Iron Man's face. It would have made it much easier to tell if that had been an Evil Monologue™ or just an answer. "With us in it?"
"If I'm lucky." And right then, it didn't matter what Iron Man's expression was, because Steve knew that tone of voice. "Am I going to get lucky, Cap?"
Steel pincers clicked more as Steve looked between the spiders and their iron master. I'm going to be captured anyway. Thinking about it like that made the decision easy.
Roingroingroing. Spiders jumped away as his shield dropped to the floor and spun. Steve smiled, a little shyly, and held out his wrists. "I'll think about it."
It barely took any time at all for the spiders to wrap him up in silk like a captured fly. They covered him at the shoulders, waist, knees and ankles and left him propped up against the wall. Iron Man watched his robots with an air of approval, and nodded when they were finished.
"Excellent," he told them, bending down to pat one on its head. "Now go stall the Ultimates."
Gold crept over the windows as the spiders left via the elevator, beeping and whirling all the while. It blocked out the view of the fireworks, though Steve could still hear them going on. By the time the elevator had gone, the observation room was almost in total darkness.
Iron boots crossed the room, step by slow step. Steve closed his eyes to listen to them approach, but the echoes made it hard to triangulate Iron Man's position. So when a warm, human hand touched his cheek, he jumped.
"Just me," Iron Man murmured, without the computerized interference. His voice was smooth, with the kind of rolling undertones that a lot of politicians had. More metal clinked, and Steve found himself with a lap full of Iron Avenger. Facial hair brushed his cheek as the villain settled in. This time Steve paid enough attention to notice that it was fully grown—an affectation, rather than just a five o'clock shadow. "So, how's this heroing thing working out for you? Okay so far?"
"It has its days. Just last week, someone sent me flowers." Steve turned his head, and managed to land a kiss on the tip of Iron Man's nose. Just enough light got through the windows to give him an impression of a strong profile and dark hair. "How's villaining?"
"Not bad at all. Yesterday I drop-kicked a kitten."
"Really?"
"Nah." Cool air touched Steve's forehead as his cowl slipped off. Warm fingers ran through his hair, fluffing it "My minions would all walk, and then who would remember my social security number?"
For some reason, that bit of information surprised Steve. "You have a social security number?"
"Sure do. I'm a villain. That doesn't mean I'm not an American citizen. I pay taxes, too." Iron Man must have had better light at his angle, because his attempt at a kiss only missed Steve's mouth by a half an inch.
The second one was right on the money. Steve groaned and pressed into the kiss, letting Iron Man slip his tongue between his lips. Sixth—seventh?—kidnapping, he reasoned. It's okay. His hands clenched into fists as Iron Man wrapped his arms around his shoulders, settling more firmly on Steve's thighs. Armor joints dug into Steve's hips, but he didn't care enough to say anything.
Iron Man's kisses were slow, torturously so, and disappointingly not of the ravishing sort. When Steve tried to step it up, Iron Man pulled away and slowed down even more.
"Nope, not so fast soldier," he murmured, turning his lips to Steve's jaw line. Goose bumps ran down Steve's skin as Iron Man pulled his mail out of his waistband. "My robots should keep the Ultimates busy for a couple of hours. No rush."
"I said maybe." Like Steve's arguments that the first kiss had been one-sided, this fell flat. His breath caught as Iron Man's teeth slid over the skin of his throat. "What if they get through too soon?"
"Then blue balls are had by all," Iron Man muttered with a mouthful of skin, clever fingers plucking at Steve's belt. "You talk too much."
"One— one more question," Steve insisted, wriggling to give Iron Man a better hold on his belt buckle. "What did you do with Anthony Stark?"
Iron Man's hands stopped moving. "What did you say?"
Bewildered, Steve squirmed to try and get a better look at his face. He was foiled by the nano-mites that had completely covered the windows while he'd been distracted. "Anthony Stark," he repeated, a little breathless. "I know that you've been attacking SHIELD facilities with tech they purchased from him, and I know he's missing. What happened to him?"
"Purchased? Missing?" For the first time since Steve had started foiling his fiendish plots, Iron Man sounded angry. "Is that what Fury told you? Is he the one that put you up to this? He is, isn't he?"
"What— no!"
But Steve's protests were either too little or too late. Iron Man let go of him and stood. Metal scraped against metal, and when Iron Man spoke again it was with the computerized tones of the armor. "You're bugged, aren't you? I should have known better than to trust one of Fury's goons." Much faster than it had taken over, the gold covering receded from the windows. Light from helicopters flooded in from outside, outlining the armor.
"Wait!" Steve shouted to stop him, but Iron Man didn't listen. He shot a repulsor beam through the window, shattering the glass. Immediately the room filled with freezing cold wind.
"I'll see you next time, Rogers. Maybe."
And just like that, he jumped. There was a moment of silence, and then the blue glow of his boots became visible in the distance.
Wind whistled as Storm rose up under the broke window, snowflake swirling around her. She settled down quietly, taking in the room and Steve. "I take it that did not go as well as hoped."
"No." Steve slumped back against the wall. As he watched, Iron Man's glow vanished into the clouds. "It didn't."
Tony touched down inside the fortress. As soon as the skyway had closed, he yanked off his helmet and threw it. It bounced off the War Machine armor with a hollow sound and rolled over the floor.
"So, no Empire State Building, huh?" Rhodey asked behind him.
Tony turned to see his best friend lounging in one of the command chairs. On a table in front of him were two cups of cocoa, still steaming, and a full sack of marshmallows. He was still in the thick black spandex wetsuit that went under the armor. Tony didn't even feel like admiring the muscles it outlined.
"I knew this was a bad idea," Rhodey continued, dropping marshmallows into the mugs and giving them a stir, so the little white balls of fluff were liberally coated with chocolate. "So, what happened? He turned you down? Not everyone wants to be a villain, you know."
Stripping off his gauntlets, Tony took a seat in the other command chair and helped himself to the other mug of cocoa. It was the real stuff that Jarvis had made since he was a kid, thick with actual chocolate and still steaming. "I wish. It would have been easier."
"What would have been easier?"
Depression led Tony to grab another handful of marshmallows from the bag and drop them in. He let them melt, waiting until the top layer of cocoa was covered in a thin layer of white goo to take his first sip. "He asked about Anthony Stark. What I did with him."
Like the best friend he was, Rhodey winced. "Ouch, that had to hurt. What did you tell him?"
Before he replied, Tony took another sip, letting the thick cocoa slide down his throat. At least some things wouldn't betray him, and Jarvis' cocoa was nearly at the top of the list. "What was I supposed to tell him? 'I'm Tony Stark, and here's all the evidence your boss needs for a warrant?' No, thank you. Fury's been trying to pin my identity on me for two years, damned if I'm handing it to him on a red, white and blue platter. No matter how hot that platter's ass looks in tight leather."
Rhodey choked, hurriedly putting down his mug to cover his mouth. "Too much information," he coughed. "Man, I did not need to know that."
"Like you needed to be told." Tony patted Rhodey's back encouragingly as he coughed. "It's impossible to miss."
"Yeah, if you're looking," Rhodey shot back, clearing his throat one last time. When Tony held up his mug, he accepted it with a grateful expression and took a sip. "What's your plan? You going to confront him about it?"
Tony settled back in his chair. Hot ceramic warmed his palms and fingers as he cradled his mug. "The plan's the same. We get the job done. No more games."
"It's better this way. Less distractions."
The melted marshmallows were starting to sink into Tony's cocoa, leaving a white ring around the edge. He stared down at it, wishing the fluff would come back. "Yeah."
When Steve got back to SHIELD Headquarters, Fury waited by the entrance in full uniform. He came up and patted Steve on the shoulder. "Good job, soldier. I know it was tough, but you did the right thing."
And then he kept walking.
The Ultimates trailed in, gathering around Steve protectively as they walked through the hallway to the lounge. SHIELD's usual bustle had dimmed. The agents they passed took one look at Steve's expression and scrambled to get out of the way. When Steve would have turned to go to his room, Thor and Luke kept him blocked in. With Spider-Man following overhead and Storm leading the way, Hulk and Jan bringing up the rear was almost overkill.
By the time they reached the lounge, it had been abandoned. Someone had even left a cup of coffee undrunk and steaming on the counter. Thor pressed him down onto one of the chairs while everyone else did a quick search. In Fury's SHIELD, you could never be certain that you weren't being watched. Spider-Man found a hidden camera embedded in a cabinet and covered it with webbing, but that was all.
After the room was secure, the Ultimates gathered in a half-circle around him, solemn as a funeral procession.
"Tell us what happened," Jan ordered gently.
Luke poured a fresh cup coffee and offered it to him. Steve accepted it, but didn't take a drink. It was just something to do with his hands. "I don't know what happened," he admitted. "Iron Man was going to steal the Empire State Building, I said I wouldn't let him. We talked, he captured me, and..." Steve stared into his coffee, blushing.
"You 'talked' some more," Storm finished for him, including the air quotes.
Steve nodded, grateful that he wasn't going to have to say he tried to stick his hands up my shirt, and definitely wouldn't have to say he succeeded. They'd probably figured that part out already. "Yeah. Talked."
"What did you say?" Spider-Man asked. He perched on the back of his chair, using some sort of super spider power to balance it on two legs. When everyone glared at him, he shrugged. "It's obvious that's something made Iron Man angry, and the only other person up there was Cap. That's a clue."
Before they could start arguing, Steve jumped in. "I asked what he'd done with Anthony Stark."
Jan and Thor both winced.
"Oh, Steve," Jan groaned theatrically, folding her arms on the table and dropping her forehead to them. "How could you?"
"A most unseemly question to be asked in the midst of 'talking'," Thor agreed gravely. "I see now why Iron Man is righteously angered."
The rest of the team just stared on in confusion. "Mind sharing with the rest of the class?" Luke asked.
"Hulk don't understand."
"It's simple." Jan pulled her face out of her arms. "Steve asked if Iron Man kidnapped another guy. That's like asking if he cheated! And you said that while you were 'talking'?" She shook her head, clicking her tongue. "Don't you know anything?"
The air quotes were starting to become a little annoying. "I needed to know!" Steve bristled. "What if he'd killed him or something?"
And he'd blamed Fury, Steve remembered. The conversation played through his memory. It hadn't felt like Iron Man thought Steve was accusing him of cheating. Why would he have asked about Fury, if that had been it?
But Jan and Thor were usually right when it came to Iron Man. They'd been the ones to figure out that his innuendo and pick up lines were honest, when Steve had thought he was just trying to ruffle feathers. Maybe they were right this time, too.
"Tin Man no kill," Hulk said flatly, sitting down heavily. The sudden drop of his weight made ripples spread through Steve's coffee. "Tin Man nice to Hulk. Gives Hulk candy."
"He is a villain," Storm added, but her expression was doubtful. They'd had enough run-ins with Iron Man to know what sort of bad guy he was. Criminal mastermind, yes, evil genius, no.
"An apology must be extended for this foul calumny." Thor's big hand slapped the table, and a sound like thunder rippled through the air. Everyone's hair suddenly crackled with a static charge. "You must find him."
Steve ran his hand through his hair. "Where? SHIELD has been looking for him for years. Do you think I'll have a better chance?"
Spider-Man shifted from foot to foot, apparently thinking to himself. "He is a villain," he said. "He'll have to do villainy things eventually. You can catch him then, and apologize."
The Ultimates all looked around at each other uncertainly. It sounded like a good plan, but something about it didn't seem so simple. "What if Iron Man is too angry to attack anything?" Steve asked. "He didn't even finish stealing the Empire State Building."
"He can't hold out forever," Jan said, trying for a reassuring tone and failing completely. "Eventually, he'll attack, and we'll find him. How hard can it be?"
Iron Man attacked three times in the next month. Each time, it was a hit and run—the Ultimates never even caught a glimpse of him. By the time they got to the scene, he was long gone, and whatever he'd been after was gone with him. He'd gone back to SHIELD-only attacks, which at least made him predictable, but not enough so that they could catch him. Villain attacks were still down for the winter, which combined with the Iron Man issue to turn what was usually a welcome slow period into pure boredom.
So when a base in Wyoming called in with a Priority One emergency, the entire team was more than ready to see some action.
They hadn't expected zombies. Especially not ones that hadn't had the decency to die first.
"And I thought my last date was bad!" Jan shouted, shrinking into her Wasp form in order to dodge an attempt to bite her. "Don't manhandle the goods, buddy! You've gotta at least buy me dinner first!"
What used to be normal a SHIELD agent turned stiffly, trying to grab for it. He moved much too slow to be effective, but it didn't seem to deter him. Lines of what looked like computer data scrolled over his irises, which had gone entirely black. The zombies were swarming, an entire military base full of them.
"Don't hurt them!" Steve ordered, using his shield to block the woman attacking him.
"Sure, just as soon as they promise not to hurt me!" Luke countered, throwing a man in a lab coat into a wall.
"They're innocent—" Steve ducked as the woman came at him again, rotating his leg to knock her off her feet. A splatter of webbing caught the zombie in the eyes as she tried to get up. She fell back, flailing blindly.
He didn't have time to thank Spider-Man for the rescue. Three more zombies surrounded him. The rest of the team were in similar straights, hampered by too many attackers and an unwillingness to do critical damage. Even Hulk was swarmed under. Steve did his best to fight them off, but there were just too many.
At the main entrance, there came the sound of metal crunching. "Ultimates! Cover your ears!"
Steve twisted around. Iron Man stood in the middle of the broken doors, holding up a pair of speakers. Realizing what was about to happen, he dropped down and slammed his hands over his ears just as a high-pitched screech started up. The zombies froze in place, jerking as they tried to escape the noise. After only a few seconds they started dropping. Thirty seconds and they were all down.
The noise stopped.
"Loud noise make Hulk's ears hurt," the green giant complained in the following silence.
"That'll only stop them for a couple of minutes," Iron Man explained, stepping around the fallen agents. "Come on, we've got to deprogram them at the source."
"Iron Man," Thor said, pulling himself out from under an elderly man who had fallen onto him, "this is your doing?"
"Not exactly. It wasn't intended to do this. Idiots must not have bothered reading the notes." He dropped the speakers in the middle of the floor. "I'm going to need someone to watch my back. If I can get to the computer that started this, I can use the broadcast that's controlling them to kill the virus."
"I'll go with you," Steve offered. Around them, the zombies were starting to stir.
Iron Man didn't look at him. "Anyone else?"
"No," Storm said for them all. "Captain America will do it. We will contain the infected here."
Slowly, Iron Man's head turned towards him. Time and distance hadn't taken away Steve's ability to reach his body language through the armor. Iron Man was still hurt. They stared at each other, then Iron Man nodded curtly.
"Fine. Hope you can keep up. The signal's coming from upstairs." Jet boots cracked to life. Iron Man lifted off.
Steve shouted and took off after him. Zombies were climbing to their feet, reaching for him. He leapt over most of them, and used his shield to knock the ones he couldn't jump out of his way. Iron Man stayed just far enough ahead that there was no hope of talking, much less getting help.
They reached the elevator. The base was running on generators as a result of the emergency, which gave them light but no elevator. Steve kept back the zombies while Iron Man forced open the doors. He grabbed onto Iron Man's shoulders just in time to catch a ride up the empty shaft.
"Why are you helping us?" Steve asked breathlessly, watching the floors pass. "And how do you know how to stop them?"
"Same answer for both questions: this is my program," Iron Man replied stiffly. He didn't make any attempt to help Steve hold on. "I made it, SHIELD's misusing it. By the time someone figured out how to stop it, the techno-virus would have mutated beyond needing the broadcast signal. Zombie apocalypses suck, trust me."
Steve waited to speak again until Iron Man stopped by a set of elevator doors and started to force them open. "I'm sorry."
Metal screeched as Iron Man's fingers slipped. Light seeped through the crack he'd already put in the doors. "Pardon me?"
"I said, I'm sorry. For asking about Stark." Steve kept an eye on a nearby ledge. If Iron Man decided to shake him off, he could probably manage to land there. Even if he didn't, he'd jumped from a plane without a parachute before. "I know you wouldn't kidnap anyone else."
"Kidnap someone else. Right." Dents appeared in the doors under Iron Man's fingers. His voice through the computerization sounded thick and restrained, clearly on the edge of rage. "Why'd you ask in the first place, then?"
Truth time. "I'd been doing research on you," Steve admitted. "And the Stark connection... it looked suspicious, and you are a villain... So I had to know."
"And that's it?"
"That's it."
Elevator doors shrieked as Iron Man finished opening them. He slid an arm around Steve's waist, his gauntleted hand settling low on his hip. "I'll fly you the rest of the way," he said cheerfully. "No reason for you to fight your way through.
Since there were no zombies in the hallway, Steve interpreted that as forgiveness. It was probably only a matter of time before there were zombies, though, so he tightened his grip. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Iron Man's hand slid lower, grabbing a handful of Steve's ass, squeezing firmly. "Wouldn't want you to get bitten or anything. Can't let anyone else defeat you."
That was definitely forgiveness. Steve blushed his way through the entire flight. Iron Man kept them high enough that the zombies couldn't get to them, so Steve didn't really have much to focus on other than Iron Man's hand placement.
Zombies were thick around the lab that housed the computer they needed, most of them looking like they might be the scientists that started it all. Steve couldn't start to count them; it must have been a quarter of the base's population. They pressed so tightly together that Iron Man couldn't get through the door.
They set down in the center of the throng, fighting back to back as they muscled their way through. The zombies were pressed shoulder to shoulder, which made it easier to take out three and four at a time but still made each step hard-won. Iron Man didn't even try to use the more lethal weapons Steve knew he had in his arsenal.
As soon as they were through the door, the press eased. Steve put his shield down and barreled through. Iron Man followed close behind, keeping the zombies from attacking Steve's back.
"Where's the computer?" Steve tossed an attacker back at the door. Zombies toppled backwards in a domino effect.
"Far corner! The yellow screen!"
He twisted to look. One computer in a bank of them glowed with a bright, canary yellow glare. That looks evil. "Fly over there, I'll keep them distracted!"
Iron Man ducked down out of sight. A few seconds later, every zombie in his vicinity went down. "You'll get swarmed!"
"Just do it!"
Jet boots sounded, and for a second Steve thought Iron Man might actually listen to him. Instead, he was suddenly scooped up by the shoulders and dangling ten feet in the air.
"Put me down!" Steve squirmed, kicking at the zombies that reached for his feet. They lurched after him, going in vaguely the same direction as Iron Man. "You brought me up here to watch your back!"
"And you're going to watch it, right where I can watch yours."
A repulsor blast at the floor made most of the zombies stumble back from the computer. Self preservation still had some sort of hold on them. Steve and Iron Man set down in the cleared space. Immediately, Iron Man turned to work at the computer. His fingers moved over the keyboard so rapidly that the noise blurred into a single sound, instead of individual key-clicks.
Somehow the zombies seemed to know what they were doing. They attacked more ferociously. One of them sunk her teeth into the shield, gnawing on its edge. Steve yanked it away and kicked her back. "Sorry!"
"Don't apologize to them!" Iron Man chided, without an audible slowing of his typing. "They probably don't even feel pain!"
"'Probably' isn't good enough!" An older man almost snuck up on the left, but Steve caught him by the arm and swung him back into the crowd. "Hurry up, I think they're getting smarter!"
"You can't rush genius," Iron Man shot back.
"Can you rush undoing genius?" One of them almost slipped between his legs. Steve caught her by the shoulders and flipped onto his hands, using his legs to toss her back.
"I'm trying!" The last few seconds of typing grew louder. "There, I've got it!"
A piercing squeal cut through the air. The zombies screamed and stumbled back, clutching their heads. Like before, they dropped unconscious to the floor after only a few seconds.
"That should do it," Iron Man announced. "And just in case, the rest of the data is corrupted now. This shouldn't be able to happen again."
Steve frowned. It seemed wrong, somehow, to destroy work that someone had obviously thought could do some good. Looking out over the fallen SHIELD workers, he had to admit that there were probably some sorts of things better left untouched. "Good job, Iron Man."
"Good job? I help save the day, which is strictly against the Supervillain Union's rules, and all I get is a good job?" Iron Man crossed his arms, looking like he might be pouting.
Smiling, Steve leaned over and kissed Iron Man's faceplate. "My hero."
Before he could pull away, Steve found himself wrapped up in an iron embrace. Two gauntleted hands kept him in place with solid handfuls of his posterior. "Maybe I should kidnap you," Iron Man offered. "We haven't had a good kidnapping in a while. I could give you some real hands-on experience with technology."
"Maybe next time." Steve rapped his knuckles against Iron Man's helmet. "You should probably make a dramatic escape, or else I'll have to try and arrest you."
"Ah, the life of a villain is fraught with peril." Iron Man gave his rear another squeeze, then let go and stepped back. His boots fired, lifting him a few inches off the ground. "See you around, Cap."
Steve shielded his eyes from debris as Iron Man blasted out through a window. Things were looking up.
"What do you mean, Iron Man did it?" Steve demanded, slamming his hands down on the table. "He helped us stop the attack, and now you're saying he caused it? That doesn't make any sense!"
The SHIELD top command didn't seem impressed by his outburst. None of the other Ultimates were present—Steve was always picked to represent the team at these meetings, even though Storm held the position of current chair. When given the choice, they seemed to prefer someone with military training. Probably because they think I'm easier to control, Steve thought mutinously.
"Cap, be reasonable," Fury said from the head of the table. "It fits his pattern, and he was on the scene. Who else do you think did it?"
"He said that they didn't read the notes," Steve blurted without thinking. "Iron Man usually goes after places with Stark Enterprises tech, right? What sort of technology were they working with?"
"Who told you that?" Admiral Bosch, a portly man with a big, veiny red nose, demanded. "That's classified information!"
"I'm right, aren't I? It was StarkTech." Steve leaned over the table, meeting their eyes. Or trying to. Three of them wouldn't. "The stuff they were working with was the sort that would have exactly that sort of effect, and you're trying to blame Iron Man to cover up the lab accident."
"No one is covering up anything," Fury insisted. "That lab had a dozen fail-safes in place, and they were bypassed. Your boy proved he has no problem doing exactly that. You think we should give a known villain the benefit of the doubt on this?"
Trick question, but honesty made Steve answer, "Yes. I do."
Fury looked at him with pity in his eye. "I think you've made your case, then. Dismissed, Captain."
Steve glared around at the gathered brass, then grabbed his paperwork and let himself out. Spider-Man waited just outside the doors, being held at bay by a set of muscular SHIELD agents acting as guards. Since his identity was still unknown, Spider-Man wasn't allowed anywhere near top brass, on the off-chance that he was a murderer, terrorist or a socialist.
It was a shame. Spider-Man might have put a dent in their shiny exteriors.
"Well? How'd it go?" Spider-Man bounced along after Steve, nearly silent in his spider-booties. "You don't look like it went well. Kind of grumpy, actually."
"Fury is blaming Iron Man for what happened in Wyoming," Steve explained sotto voce. Papers crinkled in his hand as he gripped them tight. "He thinks Iron Man sabotaged whatever they had going on."
Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw Spider-Man start a cat's cradle using webbing. "I guess that makes sense. Kind of."
"He helped us!" Paper ripped in his hands. Steve looked down at them in dismay. He might actually need the agenda items. Maybe. One day.
Spider-Man shrugged and added a new thread to his cradle. "Well, you two had just argued, right? Maybe he just wanted you to think he was a good guy or something."
They passed a trash bin, so Steve dumped the ripped up paperwork. "Do you really think that was it? He seemed pretty upset about it."
Webbing twisted around itself as Spider-Man added two more strands, blatantly cheating. "Why was he upset?"
"He said that the virus was his program and SHIELD had..." Steve stopped walking as they came to a corner, frowning. Puzzle piece thoughts slid against one another, not quite lining up. "But that can't be right."
Without appearing to notice, Spider-Man kept walking, right up the side of a wall and back to Steve. "What's not right? Did he say something else?"
Steve ignored him, reaching into one of his pockets and digging. The little broken piece of Iron Man's armor had wedged itself into a corner and caught on the fabric. Wiggling it back and forth, Steve eased it free and pulled it out. Emblazoned on the chip, the swoosh with wings was instantly recognizable.
"This!" Spider-Man reeled back, holding his cat's cradle protectively out of the way as Steve shoved the bit of metal at him. "This is a piece that broke off from Ion Man's suit. Look at this logo: SE—Stark Enterprises! And Iron Man said that he'd created the virus that had broken out in Wyoming, but they just said that it was StarkTech!"
Using powers known only to himself, Spider-Man made his mask blink. "Were you carrying that around all this time?"
The piece of red metal glinted under his fingers as Steve fiddled with it awkwardly. He couldn't make himself meet Spider-Man's eyes. "Maybe."
"You have it bad, boy," Spider-Man opined. He wadded up his work and tossed it towards a trash can. "So you think Stark is working with Iron Man?"
"No, but I think I know Iron Man's real identity." Steve shook his head and reached for his communicator and pressed the All Members Alert. "Ultimates, I'm calling a team meeting. Be in Meeting Room Alpha in ten minutes. This is important."
Steve and Spider-Man took extra care while de-bugging the room. He could tell that Spider-Man didn't understand why, but he didn't question Steve's decision. For his part, Steve wasn't going to take any chances.
The team members straggled in, with Thor and Storm coming in last. At Steve's nod, Spider-Man closed the door and sealed the edges with webbing. Steve finished hooking up the computer to an audio/video feed.
"What's with the secrecy?" Luke asked as the lights dimmed. Pale blue light from the projector washed over his face. "You've got another mission for us? We just got back!"
"It is a most vexom timing," Thor agreed. "I had intentioned to spend time in a viewing of Tokyo Mew Mew, which I recently acquired."
Everyone looked at each other uncomfortably. On Thor's right side, Jan slowly reached over and patted his hand. "Thor," she said slowly. "Have you been getting cheap pirated anime fansubs again?"
The God of Thunder cut his eyes away. "I know not of what you speak. My subtitled editions are most pure, I assure you that."
"Petty piracy aside," Steve cut in, before things could turn into yet another discussion of Thor's anime addiction. "I think I have evidence that Fury has been lying to us. And has been for a long time."
This announcement won the resounding silence of the unsurprised. Even Hulk looked bored.
"He is the head of SHIELD," Storm said after a few minutes.
"And he's Nick Fury," Giant Girl added, as if this were the more damning evidence. "I think he lies to himself, actually."
"I'd be worried if he told the truth," was Luke's opinion.
This was not the reaction Steve had been hoping for. Reaching for his mouse, he pulled up one of the images he'd downloaded from SHIELD's database, of a handsome, dark-haired man behind the wheel of a convertible. "This is Anthony Stark," he explained. "The CEO of Stark Enterprises, considered one of the smartest men in the world, and voted sexiest man alive by People Magazine five years in a row." He clicked through to another picture of Stark addressing a board room meeting. The camera was low and close, showing off how his slacks clung to his thighs, while his broad shoulders and trim waist were emphasized by the angle and the cut of his suit jacket.
Jan gave a low whistle and leaned forward in her seat. She fanned herself. "I'd forgotten how hot he is. Woof."
For once, Spider-Man had sat in his chair, rather than balanced on the back of it. "Are you planning on replacing Iron Man as your regular kidnapper?" he asked. "Is that what all this stuff about Stark is about?"
"No!" Steve replied immediately. Hastily, he clicked to the next picture, which was still of Stark. This time, he was being assisted out of a vehicle by a red-haired woman and a big, flat-faced blond man. They were actively trying to block the cameras, but the shot managed to get a picture of Anthony's bandaged head and sling.
"Two years ago, Stark was held captive by enemies of the state. No one knows how he escaped. Shortly after he returned to the USA, Stark closed the weapons manufacturing arm of Stark Enterprises. Iron Man made his first appearance shortly thereafter."
"Hey, I remember that." Luke's finger formed a shadow, pointing at the picture. "That was big news. Everyone thought Iron Man would be the next big hero."
"Right," Steve agreed. "Six months after this photo was taken, Iron Man attacked his first SHIELD installation, and Stark vanished. SHIELD lists him as missing, but the company refuses to acknowledge it, and doesn't seem to have been affected by it at all." Before they could interrupt, Steve clicked to the next file, this one a screenshot of one of the reports he'd viewed, with the important parts circled. "Iron Man usually attacks SHIELD laboratories, not military bases, and he's shown a preference for ones that are working with Stark Enterprises technology"
Reaching into his pocket, he took out the piece of armor and dropped it onto the table. Thor picked it up, electricity sparking between his fingers and the metal. His eyebrows rose, and he passed it over to Jan, pointing at the SE logo. She pulled out her phone and flipped it over, showing an identical emblem.
"That came from Iron Man's armor. I picked it up after one of our battles," Steve explained. "And Iron Man stated outright that he'd created the virus we dealt with yesterday, while SHIELD says it was Stark."
"Tin Man is pretty man?" Hulk asked in the silence that followed.
"Erm. That about sums it up, yes." Steve added a few more circles, studiously not looking up. "But I don't know why he's attacking SHIELD, or destroying his own work. You'd think, if anything, he'd be going after other people's technology."
The flat of Thor's hand came down loudly on the table. "We must seek the truth of this matter," Thor declared. "If Iron Man is to present honorable court to our friend, his reasons for wrong-doing must be brought to light."
"So now you admit that Iron Man is a villain," Jan sighed. "You might as well admit that Iron Man is the one who's been funneling you fansubs. We've all seen you pass thumb drives in the middle of a fight."
"I will admit no such thing."
"So what do we do?" Luke asked. Behind his head, Spider-Man reached up and started making shadow puppets on the screen. "Ask if he's Stark, hope he doesn't fly away in a huff again?"
"Steve's pretty enough to lure in ten Iron Men," Jan offered. "We'll doll him up and stick him on a roof somewhere. Ten minutes, tops."
"Why didn't we think of that a year ago?" Luke complained. "Think of how much time we've wasted when we could have just tied Cap up and put him under a box."
"I'm still here," Steve felt the need to remind them.
"Quiet, bait," Spider-Man waved him off, making a shadow dinosaur, much to Hulk's delight. "What kind of dolling up are we talking about? I don't think Iron Man would go for anything too blatant. Though Cap would probably be able to pull off a maid costume."
Jan's grin made Steve fear. "I have an idea or two.
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I'm giggling terribly right now xDDDDDD AND THEY JUST STARTED TALKING LIKE A COUPLE. Their flirting was that of a long-time couple. It. Was. Epic.
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hahahaha.
And ohhhh, that's how you defeat a god. I will keep that in mind.
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Yes, Steve, kissing followed by red roses probably is not hostile.
The whole attack is completely adorable. <3 for Tony and his ridiculous, extravagant gestures. And all hopeful that Steve will like his little robots! I have gone to such effort to give you a wonderful kidnapping, Cap! And Steve being all cute and blushy about it. And d'aww at Tony being quite willing to risk interruption to ensure they take their time with their first time. And Steve's disappointment he's not being ravished. Boo!
I could give you some real hands-on experience with technology.
Oh, Tony, it's a good thing Steve's already besotted because that is a terrible line.
Glee for Thor's anime addiction!
Even Hulk looked bored.
LOL!
"Are you planning on replacing Iron Man as your regular kidnapper?"
Steve has taken a rather specific tack with his presentation, hasn't he? "Sexiest Man Alive"? Was that really need-to-know info? Although I suppose if he was planning to change kidnappers, he'd need to alert the team so they could redirect their efforts...
Hee that Tony has been bribing both Thor and Hulk. Has he been buying Jan shoes?
LOL at Cap-bait!