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cap_ironman2012-05-20 01:26 pm
Fic: What Didn't Kill Me (Never Made Me Stronger)
Universe: Movieverse
Rating: PG-13? I suppose.
Summary: He almost dies, but he doesn't quite manage it.
Pairing: Could be seen as Steve/Tony Pre-slash
Warnings: Spoilers for all the Iron Man movies and The Avengers!!
Beta: The lovely Kathleen ( butwordsarewind on tumblr) Who is amazingly wonderful and puts up with my fever induced delirious ramblings.
Word Count: 1280
He almost dies, shrapnel trying to claw its way into his heart. But Yinsen is there, saves him, and Tony only remembers the flashes of excruciating pain between each time he passes out during the procedure. He’s strapped up to a car battery. It’s embedded in his chest and he can't look at it, has to zip up his shirt.
They build the arc reactor, something amazing and beautiful and almost perfect. Life force and the weight of hours and days and his father’s legacy. And he is the man who has everything--and nothing. But he has this, and this is hope, and Yinsen gave this to him. Gave him his life, so he’s going to give Yinsen that back. Tony may not have anything, but Yinsen has his family. The suit will get him to them, and it will save them both.
It saves him, sets him free. But not Yinsen, no. Yinsen dies and this was always the plan.
He’s angry, furious at himself and the world and Yinsen, for dying. And he has nothing. He still can't look at the arc reactor without flinching away from his reflection. Smashes all the glass in the workshop and lets himself be upset.
"There is nothing except this. There's no art opening, no charity, nothing to sign. There's the next mission, and nothing else."
He almost dies. Obie rips the arc reactor from his chest, and all Tony can think about is how he always thought Obie was better. Better than his father, better than him. A good man. But then there was the underhanded weapons dealing, and the kidnapping thing, and the arc reactor, ripped away. Tony holds his breath, counts seconds, minutes in his head. Crawls his way to the workshop and doesn't die. But Obie does, and even through the betrayal and the anger and the clenching fear, the loss is almost palpable in his chest, like a missing arc reactor, like Yinsen in a cave somewhere far, far away, like his father and his mother and anyone he ever loved. He almost dies. Almost, but not quite. And now he’s got less than nothing, just the suit--and Pepper, Rhodey. The only people who will ever really care.
"The truth is, I am Iron Man."
He saves the world, saves lives and days, and achieves world peace, or tries to. People love him. Iron Man. Hero. Savior. The person Yinsen would have wanted him to be. A good man.
People hate him. Tony Stark. Alcoholic. Sarcastic. Narcissistic. Self-obsessed. Hell, even he hates that guy.
Iron Man: Yes. Tony Stark: not recommended.
He almost dies, poison in his veins, spreading through his body and across his skin. He looks down at the low blue hum of life in his chest, curses it and despises it and loves it all the same. He closes his eyes and sees Yinsen, and is told all over again: "So you are the man who has everything, And nothing." And then JARVIS, in the real world outside of Tony’s mind tells him another truth. "You are running out of both time and options. Unfortunately, the thing that is keeping you alive is also killing you.”
So he tidies up, makes Pepper CEO, because she’s all he’s got.
He’s dying, leans his head back and soaks up the sun, sits in the middle of a giant doughnut until Nick Fury of SHIELD arrives. He breathes out, rubs at his eyes, the opposite of useful. He’s falling apart and the entire world can see it.
He figures it out, because of course he does. Saves his own life, saves the world with his father’s work and Captain America’s shield making everything balance out perfectly, the taste of coconut and metal in his mouth. A new element.
And then he has to deal with the entire mess of saving the world. Fucking Justin Hammer man, the only person Tony would expect this level of idiocy from.
People hate him. Still, always. And he can't bring himself to blame them. Does his best to better the world. Clean sustainable energy. "A warm light for all mankind to share", to quote everyone’s least favourite god. And Bruce thinks that really is aimed at Tony. Cap doesn't seem to get it, and Tony has to tease a little for that.
He had loved Captain America since before he could remember. Idolized him. A poster hung above his bed at four when he made his first circuit board, at six when he made his first engine, at sixteen when he graduated from MIT. He had always thought that Steve would love him back, that he would be different from other people. That he would like Tony Stark and Iron Man. He should know not to get his hopes up.
They say you should never meet your heroes, and Cap didn't take quite so kindly to him as he did to Coulson.
"Wait, I'm sorry, how is this now about me?"
"Isn't everything?"
Everything the other man says feels like a stab in his chest. But it’s all true. True in the way Yinsen’s words had always been, so achingly honest it hurt, and Tony wipes away any love he had ever had for Captain America.
"Big guy in a suit of armour. Take that off and what are you?"
"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."
"I know men with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage, the only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you."
"I think I would just cut the wire."
"Always a way out. You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero."
So they all pretty much hate each other, they all think Bruce was right. They're no team, they're a time bomb.
But as it turns out, he was wrong. They fight together well, like a fine-tuned machine. Take out baddie after baddie but they'll never win, right? Not with the portal opened. They can't fix this.
Tony is the one called when there’s a Nuke on the way. Still the one contacted when there’s heavy lifting to be done. He thinks that maybe it’s because everyone knows the world would be okay without Iron Man, and the team would thrive without Tony Stark.
And hey, they can fix this. Natasha can close it. And Tony can deal with the nuke, in the only way possible. There is only one choice. All power to thrusters, send the nuke into the portal and it will kill the baddies. Then they'll close it, and they'll deal with Loki and they'll have won. He'll die, but that will be alright. No one will be able to say he isn't the type of person to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl over him.
"Stark, you know that’s a one way trip."
There isn't always a way out, he knows that.
Pepper doesn't pick up the phone, and maybe that’s alright too.
He flies through, and everything goes dark, and he’s falling.
He almost dies, but he doesn't quite manage it.
"We won." Steve says, simply, easily, and Tony babbles on about shawarma until Steve smiles, shakes his head. The smile makes Tony happy to be alive, even though it won't be the last time he almost dies, please god let it not be the last time he almost dies.
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This was some really lovely writing. I loved how you brought in his timeline and wove it all together like that!
I also loved the outlook on how Tony might finally "get it" but will never grow up completely and how he'll always need to be reminded. ♥
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please god let it not be the last time he almost dies
This just killed me. Oh Tony.
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