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cap_ironman2012-05-29 01:20 pm
tailzz0666.livejournal.com) wrote in cap_ironman2012-05-29 01:20 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Name: Typical Teenage Angst
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tailzz0666
Rating: Probably going to put this at a PG-13 for possibly some swears and kissing
Pairing: Steve/Tony Peter/OMC
Summary: Steve and Tony begin to notice something's bothering Peter.
Genre/warning: kinda movie!AU but mostly from my messed up imagination. mentions of past mpreg but not in detail. mentions of past rape and homophobia, mentions of multiple suicide attempts TIME LINES ARE NOT OF IMPORT IN THIS FIC!
Authors Notes: I can't write for shit but i tend to dream only about fandom and sometimes i try and write them down as best i can. I can't spell (but will try and spell check via dictionary) and my grammar is almost non existant so i apologise in advance for that. If any of you who actually CAN write want to rewrite my ideas so they're actually good then go right a head just link me so i can read to!
Steve was the first person to bring up their sons odd behaviour (not that Tony hadn't noticed, he'd just put it up to typical teenage angst). Pete had stopped leaving his room except to go to school but would then return home with a new selection of cuts and bruises. "Tony, what if he's getting bullied? What if he's joined a gang or is on drugs or something equally has horrifying?" Steve fretted pacing up and down the master bedroom of Stark Tower.
Tony Stark was lounging across the bed reading the latest gossip about "The Avengers" that some idiot reporter had come up with to make money. 22 years of being openly gay, 21 being married to Steve and 16 of them raising a son with Steve and the paparazzi still claimed he was having affairs with every women he came in to contact with, including both Ellen DeGeneres and Jane Lynch.... anything for a few bucks he supposed.
"Tony are you even listening to me? Is that magazine more interesting than our son? Today he came home with a broken nose and you want to read about the latest women the world thinks you're sleeping with?" Tony rolls his eyes and puts the paper down on the night stand and walks over to Steve taking his hand and kissing his knuckles
"Babe his fathers are super heroes 'Earth's mightiest heroes' as they say, do you really think anyone at his school would dare risk making Captain America and Iron Man angry? He's probably just been messing about with his friends, he's always been accident prone a few injuries is nothing new and you know that."
"But..."
"You're fussing over nothing but if it makes you feel better we can talk to him tomorrow but for now sleep".
Tony pulled on the strings of the older man's pyjama pants tugging him towards the bed "sleep sweetheart, tomorrow we will sort Peter out and you won't have to worry your pretty head any more" he teased ruffling Steve's blonde locks (which Tony still found amusing when he realised Steve's hair was naturally curly as much as Steve tried to hide it early on). The couple lay in bed with Steve wrapped in Tony's arms whilst Tony pressed sweet kisses to his lovers head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter had his music blasting as loud as it would go as he lay glaring at the ceiling like he was trying to burn holes into all the posters that decorated it. He had heard the persistent knocking at his door but chose to ignore it in favour of more glaring, in the end JARVIS turned the music down and let the door open so he didn't even have to look up to know who had entered.
"Dad go away i'm busy"
"because being a lazy git is such a time consuming task"
"get out"
"make me"
"you two are as childish as each other sometimes."
Two pairs of almost identical eyes glared at the super soldier in the doorway but Steve was well used to them and the effect had worn off years ago
"Peter what's going on with you lately? Your Dad and i have been worried"
"I'm fine its just stuff you know?"
Steve sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Petey, don't keep things bottled up inside. You don't want to end up like your father"
"HEY! i take offence to that"
"Tony you drink more than the entire country of Ireland on St Patrick's day"
Tony crossed his arms in a sulk and turned away.
Steve sat on the bed next to his son and looked into his eyes "tell me the truth Peterpanda, what's going on?". Peter scanned the room looking for any means of escape from this conversation but he was trapped by both parents, he had to surrender. "There's these guys at school" he started careful not to look at either parents faces "they caught me and Be......A friend.....in an empty classroom a few months back".
Tony clapped his son on the back "that's my boy charming the lady's already" Peter shook his head "No dad! what i did was wrong I know that now". Peter hung his head and fiddled with a loose string "They made me realise what I did and I won't do it again im sorry!" Tony and Steve shared a glance "what did you do that was wrong kid?" Tony asked sternly. "....Kissed someone" "They beat you up for kissing someone? What are their names? I will have their heads for this!" Tony roared. "NO DAD! it was my fault I shouldn't have kissed him....." Tony and Steve's heads flicked to their son
"Him? You like guys?"
"Im sorry Daddy I wont tell anyone and I wont do it again just don't hate me please!"
Tears sprung from the teenagers eyes. Steve's heart shattered at the sight of his son looking so lost and broken
"Baby boy why would we mind if you like men? You have two dads, one of which that gave birth to you and you thought we'd be mad at you for liking boys? Sweetheart we thought you knew we'd love you no matter what!"
"But it's okay for you!" Pete screamed pushing Steve to the floor.
"You guys are superheroes people aren't going to hate you for being together because you save lives! I'm just some stupid little faggot who's never going to be good enough!"
Peter curled in on himself and shook as violent sobs escaped him "A stupid little faggot thats going to hell" he whispered to himself.
Tony was furious and wanted to snap the necks of who ever had done this to his son. Steve, still on the floor felt more helpless than he had before they used the serum on him, he didn't know what to do now.
"Peter" Steve said, sitting back up on the bed and easily pulling his sons slight frame up so he could lean against his chest.
"I used to think there was something wrong with me to when i first started noticing guys." Steve adjusted their position on the bed so he could lean against the wall and Tony could sit down beside him.
"Back in the 40's when i first joined the military before they used the serum on me, I would watch as my friends went off with beautiful women before they got sent off to fight, they would tell me off all the things they did with the women on those nights and would encourage me to do the same. Every time one of them offered to set me up with the "Sister of this broad I met down the bar last week."
I refused but they couldn't understand why any man would turn down a night with a willing women so rumours started to fly". Steve stroked his crying sons hair like he did when he was a baby as he told him the story of his past, a story he would rather forget. "It started off with just funny looks and people avoiding me but eventually it escalated into words like 'faggot' and 'homo' were scratched into my locker and soon everyone had something to say to me".
Tony listened curiously to his husbands tale.
Steve had never willingly shared a story from his past before not even with him. "It was the night before I agreed to being the lab rat for the serum when 3 soldiers stumbled in drunk after being caught out of bed past curfew. They were angry and looking for someone to take it out on and who better than the 5 foot tall faggot who can't defend himself? They dragged me out of my bed and shoved a dirty sock in my mouth so I couldn't scream for help. Despite being intoxicated they knew that if they left a mark that someone would notice and put two and two together but they needed some release. I don't remember how many times it happened or how long it lasted but I remember my face being pushed into the dirt and the pain as they raped me over and over again till they got bored and left me to crawl back into my bed and pray for daylight to come."
Steve showed no emotion has he told his tale but Tony was crying, mostly ashamed at himself for not knowing not that he could have. "Even after I changed and became 'Captain America' I couldn't shake the memory or the thoughts that I was my fault, I brought it on myself for being a faggot and I was going to burn in hell for my sin." He shifted again in his seat visibly uncomfortable with his conversation. "It was only a matter of weeks after the serum had taken effect before I couldn't handle the constant nightmares any more, the feeling of dirt all over me and the shame of what I was. After the rest of my regiment had gone to sleep I went into the showers and took a razor that was lying around and slit both my wrists. The pain felt amazing and the blood mixing with the water was beautiful I felt happy finally because I was getting what I deserved. Death" Tears had come to his own eyes now as he remembered everything he felt in those few moments. "I got tired and week and couldn't stand any more, I sunk to the ground and prayed for death to come quick."
"My vision was fading in and out but I could see someone hovering over me. I thought it was an angel and in a way it was, it was the man who made me what I am today, Howard Stark" Tony's head turned sharply at the mention of his late fathers name.
"He had seen me leaving my bunker and had wondered what I was up to at such an hour and saved me before it was to late, not that I thought of it as being saved at the time. He bandaged up my wrists and took me to the medical tent where he stitched me up and dragged me back to his room. He didn't ask questions he just handed me a glass of whiskey and waited for me to speak. I was tired and i couldn't handle it any more, I told him everything from the being gay to being raped and he sat there and listened to every word as i cried and screamed and swore and destroyed anything I could reach and he sat there the whole time and listened to every word."
"When I calmed down enough that I wasn't destroying things Howard comforted me, he told me that one day the world wouldn't be so prejudiced and people like me wouldn't have to hide away in fear from the rest of the world. He told me that until such a time he would look after me and he did, even after I was frozen he kept searching for me and keep his promise to protect me. And in a way he still is, he had a beautiful son that gave me a home and friendship and showed me how good the world was now i can be myself" he paused and adjusted his position again so he could look into his sons eyes " And do you know what they both taught me?" Peter shook his head "That its better to be myself then be what people want me to be. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't have you and as annoying as you are I do actually love you kid".
Peter curled up pushing his face into his dads stomach "Love you Daddy" his voice barely audible. Steve Smiled "Love you to kid. So what's this boys name any how?" Steve asked.
Peter looked up and blushed "Benjamin Xavier-Lehnsherr .... I met him in science class". Steve and Tony looked at each other
The headmasters son?"
"Yes?"
"You are dating the son of Professor X and Magneto?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Kid you've been going to that school your entire life and you still haven't figured out you are training to be a super hero? Dam you are as bad as your father" Steve teased
"HEY im a genius!"
"Academically maybe".
Later after they got Peter settled and asleep after a few more tears and teasing Tony and Steve sat down on the couch exhausted.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before? About my father? About you being.....Ya know?" Tony asked nervous of upsetting his husband again. "It was a long time ago, a different life time. I just wanted to forget and start over, i didn't want to be the victim any more." Tony lent up and kissed the blonde man's cheek "Never the victim, always the hero! Any way, what are we going to do about those ass-holes who hurt our little panda? Do you think I could convince Bruce to Hulk out on them?" Tony asked in all seriousness.
"No Tony! Fury would Kill you! and then Bruce would have no one to talk all that weird word stuff with you."
"Well we have to do something! Tomorrow we should call Charles and Erik and have a little word about both problems."
"Peter having a boyfriend is not a problem Tony"
"How do we know? we haven't seen him in a good few years! We don't even know what his mutation is! what if he's dangerous?"
"Calm down Tony we will sort things in the morning! Now Goodnight, I love you" Steve kissed Tony goodnight and walked towards the bedroom and fell onto the soft mattress "You coming?" he called out "Yeah in a minute I just have to do something in the lab first".
Tony walked down into his lab and picked up the phone "JARVIS can you call Professor Charles Xavier please?"
"Right away Sir"
*brrrp brrrp brrrp brrrp*
An Englishman answered "Hello Tony I've been expecting your call"
"CHARLES STOP READING MY MIND HOW MANY TIMES" at the same time two voice spoke
"Charles!"
"TONY!"
....."Busted" Tony thought to himself as Steve took the phone to speak to Erik about dinner the next day.
A/N: well that was complete crap! but at least i had fun writing it! hopefuly you will enjoy the general idea of the plot.
Author:
tailzz0666Rating: Probably going to put this at a PG-13 for possibly some swears and kissing
Pairing: Steve/Tony Peter/OMC
Summary: Steve and Tony begin to notice something's bothering Peter.
Genre/warning: kinda movie!AU but mostly from my messed up imagination. mentions of past mpreg but not in detail. mentions of past rape and homophobia, mentions of multiple suicide attempts TIME LINES ARE NOT OF IMPORT IN THIS FIC!
Authors Notes: I can't write for shit but i tend to dream only about fandom and sometimes i try and write them down as best i can. I can't spell (but will try and spell check via dictionary) and my grammar is almost non existant so i apologise in advance for that. If any of you who actually CAN write want to rewrite my ideas so they're actually good then go right a head just link me so i can read to!
Steve was the first person to bring up their sons odd behaviour (not that Tony hadn't noticed, he'd just put it up to typical teenage angst). Pete had stopped leaving his room except to go to school but would then return home with a new selection of cuts and bruises. "Tony, what if he's getting bullied? What if he's joined a gang or is on drugs or something equally has horrifying?" Steve fretted pacing up and down the master bedroom of Stark Tower.
Tony Stark was lounging across the bed reading the latest gossip about "The Avengers" that some idiot reporter had come up with to make money. 22 years of being openly gay, 21 being married to Steve and 16 of them raising a son with Steve and the paparazzi still claimed he was having affairs with every women he came in to contact with, including both Ellen DeGeneres and Jane Lynch.... anything for a few bucks he supposed.
"Tony are you even listening to me? Is that magazine more interesting than our son? Today he came home with a broken nose and you want to read about the latest women the world thinks you're sleeping with?" Tony rolls his eyes and puts the paper down on the night stand and walks over to Steve taking his hand and kissing his knuckles
"Babe his fathers are super heroes 'Earth's mightiest heroes' as they say, do you really think anyone at his school would dare risk making Captain America and Iron Man angry? He's probably just been messing about with his friends, he's always been accident prone a few injuries is nothing new and you know that."
"But..."
"You're fussing over nothing but if it makes you feel better we can talk to him tomorrow but for now sleep".
Tony pulled on the strings of the older man's pyjama pants tugging him towards the bed "sleep sweetheart, tomorrow we will sort Peter out and you won't have to worry your pretty head any more" he teased ruffling Steve's blonde locks (which Tony still found amusing when he realised Steve's hair was naturally curly as much as Steve tried to hide it early on). The couple lay in bed with Steve wrapped in Tony's arms whilst Tony pressed sweet kisses to his lovers head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter had his music blasting as loud as it would go as he lay glaring at the ceiling like he was trying to burn holes into all the posters that decorated it. He had heard the persistent knocking at his door but chose to ignore it in favour of more glaring, in the end JARVIS turned the music down and let the door open so he didn't even have to look up to know who had entered.
"Dad go away i'm busy"
"because being a lazy git is such a time consuming task"
"get out"
"make me"
"you two are as childish as each other sometimes."
Two pairs of almost identical eyes glared at the super soldier in the doorway but Steve was well used to them and the effect had worn off years ago
"Peter what's going on with you lately? Your Dad and i have been worried"
"I'm fine its just stuff you know?"
Steve sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Petey, don't keep things bottled up inside. You don't want to end up like your father"
"HEY! i take offence to that"
"Tony you drink more than the entire country of Ireland on St Patrick's day"
Tony crossed his arms in a sulk and turned away.
Steve sat on the bed next to his son and looked into his eyes "tell me the truth Peterpanda, what's going on?". Peter scanned the room looking for any means of escape from this conversation but he was trapped by both parents, he had to surrender. "There's these guys at school" he started careful not to look at either parents faces "they caught me and Be......A friend.....in an empty classroom a few months back".
Tony clapped his son on the back "that's my boy charming the lady's already" Peter shook his head "No dad! what i did was wrong I know that now". Peter hung his head and fiddled with a loose string "They made me realise what I did and I won't do it again im sorry!" Tony and Steve shared a glance "what did you do that was wrong kid?" Tony asked sternly. "....Kissed someone" "They beat you up for kissing someone? What are their names? I will have their heads for this!" Tony roared. "NO DAD! it was my fault I shouldn't have kissed him....." Tony and Steve's heads flicked to their son
"Him? You like guys?"
"Im sorry Daddy I wont tell anyone and I wont do it again just don't hate me please!"
Tears sprung from the teenagers eyes. Steve's heart shattered at the sight of his son looking so lost and broken
"Baby boy why would we mind if you like men? You have two dads, one of which that gave birth to you and you thought we'd be mad at you for liking boys? Sweetheart we thought you knew we'd love you no matter what!"
"But it's okay for you!" Pete screamed pushing Steve to the floor.
"You guys are superheroes people aren't going to hate you for being together because you save lives! I'm just some stupid little faggot who's never going to be good enough!"
Peter curled in on himself and shook as violent sobs escaped him "A stupid little faggot thats going to hell" he whispered to himself.
Tony was furious and wanted to snap the necks of who ever had done this to his son. Steve, still on the floor felt more helpless than he had before they used the serum on him, he didn't know what to do now.
"Peter" Steve said, sitting back up on the bed and easily pulling his sons slight frame up so he could lean against his chest.
"I used to think there was something wrong with me to when i first started noticing guys." Steve adjusted their position on the bed so he could lean against the wall and Tony could sit down beside him.
"Back in the 40's when i first joined the military before they used the serum on me, I would watch as my friends went off with beautiful women before they got sent off to fight, they would tell me off all the things they did with the women on those nights and would encourage me to do the same. Every time one of them offered to set me up with the "Sister of this broad I met down the bar last week."
I refused but they couldn't understand why any man would turn down a night with a willing women so rumours started to fly". Steve stroked his crying sons hair like he did when he was a baby as he told him the story of his past, a story he would rather forget. "It started off with just funny looks and people avoiding me but eventually it escalated into words like 'faggot' and 'homo' were scratched into my locker and soon everyone had something to say to me".
Tony listened curiously to his husbands tale.
Steve had never willingly shared a story from his past before not even with him. "It was the night before I agreed to being the lab rat for the serum when 3 soldiers stumbled in drunk after being caught out of bed past curfew. They were angry and looking for someone to take it out on and who better than the 5 foot tall faggot who can't defend himself? They dragged me out of my bed and shoved a dirty sock in my mouth so I couldn't scream for help. Despite being intoxicated they knew that if they left a mark that someone would notice and put two and two together but they needed some release. I don't remember how many times it happened or how long it lasted but I remember my face being pushed into the dirt and the pain as they raped me over and over again till they got bored and left me to crawl back into my bed and pray for daylight to come."
Steve showed no emotion has he told his tale but Tony was crying, mostly ashamed at himself for not knowing not that he could have. "Even after I changed and became 'Captain America' I couldn't shake the memory or the thoughts that I was my fault, I brought it on myself for being a faggot and I was going to burn in hell for my sin." He shifted again in his seat visibly uncomfortable with his conversation. "It was only a matter of weeks after the serum had taken effect before I couldn't handle the constant nightmares any more, the feeling of dirt all over me and the shame of what I was. After the rest of my regiment had gone to sleep I went into the showers and took a razor that was lying around and slit both my wrists. The pain felt amazing and the blood mixing with the water was beautiful I felt happy finally because I was getting what I deserved. Death" Tears had come to his own eyes now as he remembered everything he felt in those few moments. "I got tired and week and couldn't stand any more, I sunk to the ground and prayed for death to come quick."
"My vision was fading in and out but I could see someone hovering over me. I thought it was an angel and in a way it was, it was the man who made me what I am today, Howard Stark" Tony's head turned sharply at the mention of his late fathers name.
"He had seen me leaving my bunker and had wondered what I was up to at such an hour and saved me before it was to late, not that I thought of it as being saved at the time. He bandaged up my wrists and took me to the medical tent where he stitched me up and dragged me back to his room. He didn't ask questions he just handed me a glass of whiskey and waited for me to speak. I was tired and i couldn't handle it any more, I told him everything from the being gay to being raped and he sat there and listened to every word as i cried and screamed and swore and destroyed anything I could reach and he sat there the whole time and listened to every word."
"When I calmed down enough that I wasn't destroying things Howard comforted me, he told me that one day the world wouldn't be so prejudiced and people like me wouldn't have to hide away in fear from the rest of the world. He told me that until such a time he would look after me and he did, even after I was frozen he kept searching for me and keep his promise to protect me. And in a way he still is, he had a beautiful son that gave me a home and friendship and showed me how good the world was now i can be myself" he paused and adjusted his position again so he could look into his sons eyes " And do you know what they both taught me?" Peter shook his head "That its better to be myself then be what people want me to be. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't have you and as annoying as you are I do actually love you kid".
Peter curled up pushing his face into his dads stomach "Love you Daddy" his voice barely audible. Steve Smiled "Love you to kid. So what's this boys name any how?" Steve asked.
Peter looked up and blushed "Benjamin Xavier-Lehnsherr .... I met him in science class". Steve and Tony looked at each other
The headmasters son?"
"Yes?"
"You are dating the son of Professor X and Magneto?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Kid you've been going to that school your entire life and you still haven't figured out you are training to be a super hero? Dam you are as bad as your father" Steve teased
"HEY im a genius!"
"Academically maybe".
Later after they got Peter settled and asleep after a few more tears and teasing Tony and Steve sat down on the couch exhausted.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before? About my father? About you being.....Ya know?" Tony asked nervous of upsetting his husband again. "It was a long time ago, a different life time. I just wanted to forget and start over, i didn't want to be the victim any more." Tony lent up and kissed the blonde man's cheek "Never the victim, always the hero! Any way, what are we going to do about those ass-holes who hurt our little panda? Do you think I could convince Bruce to Hulk out on them?" Tony asked in all seriousness.
"No Tony! Fury would Kill you! and then Bruce would have no one to talk all that weird word stuff with you."
"Well we have to do something! Tomorrow we should call Charles and Erik and have a little word about both problems."
"Peter having a boyfriend is not a problem Tony"
"How do we know? we haven't seen him in a good few years! We don't even know what his mutation is! what if he's dangerous?"
"Calm down Tony we will sort things in the morning! Now Goodnight, I love you" Steve kissed Tony goodnight and walked towards the bedroom and fell onto the soft mattress "You coming?" he called out "Yeah in a minute I just have to do something in the lab first".
Tony walked down into his lab and picked up the phone "JARVIS can you call Professor Charles Xavier please?"
"Right away Sir"
*brrrp brrrp brrrp brrrp*
An Englishman answered "Hello Tony I've been expecting your call"
"CHARLES STOP READING MY MIND HOW MANY TIMES" at the same time two voice spoke
"Charles!"
"TONY!"
....."Busted" Tony thought to himself as Steve took the phone to speak to Erik about dinner the next day.
A/N: well that was complete crap! but at least i had fun writing it! hopefuly you will enjoy the general idea of the plot.
no subject
no subject
im not a writer at all so any advice you can give that helps is much welcome!
no subject
Second of all, it's your right to disregard anything I say. I'm not an authority on writing. Writing is such a creative, fluid thing that there is rarely a 'right way' or a 'wrong way'.
That said, formatting is extremely important. In school I was taught to indent my paragraphs so that it was easy to see the start of a new one. That does *not* work on the internet. Most websites will strip out indents. Whenever you have a new paragraph, put a full line of space between the paragraphs, so a block of text is only one paragraph long.
When I clicked on your fic, I saw very large blocks of text that were several paragraphs long. It's very hard to read. It could be a super fantastic story, but most readers won't even read the first sentence if it's physically hard to read.
Start a new paragraph every time someone new is speaking. For example, this:
"Benjamin Xavier-Lehnsherr .... I met him in science class". Steve and Tony looked at each other "the headmasters son?" "yes?" "You are dating the son of Professor X and Magneto?" "what are you talking about?"
Should instead look like this:
"Benjamin Xavier-Lehnsherr .... I met him in science class."
Steve and Tony looked at each other. "The headmasters son?"
"Yes?"
"You are dating the son of Professor X and Magneto?"
"What are you talking about?"
The extra space works like the pauses in a real conversation. The reader gets a chance to absorb what was said before switching to someone else's voice. Without the breaks the voices run together and it gets confusing. You should especially be doing this because you use a lot of snappy, back-and-forth dialogue.
Before I go further, I just want to say that this line made me laugh:
22 years of being openly gay, 21 being married to Steve and 16 of them raising a son with Steve and the paparazzi still claimed he was having affairs with every women he came in to contact with, including both Ellen DeGeneres and Jane Lynch.... anything for a few bucks he supposed.
Poor Tony! There are some fights he just can't win ;-)
There are a couple other style choices you made that might drive away readers. Sometimes you had lower case 'i' instead of the standard uppercase, and sometimes you didn't capitalize the first letter of a sentence. Some readers don't mind, but some do, and so you lose part of your audience simply by not pressing the shift key! The other issue, ironically enough, is the opposite - using caps lock on a full sentence to show shouting is usually considered unnecessary and kind of gimmicky. You don't need to do that when you've used verbs like 'roared' and 'screamed' to tell readers what volume Tony and Peter are using.
I think you do some interesting things with this fic - it's interesting that Peter was raised by a gay couple but still gets bullied into believing his sexuality is wrong. It was fascinating how he justified his parents' sexuality as being okay because they are superheroes. It's a twisted mindset, but very believable in a painful way. Bullying really burrows into a kid's world view, and you did a great job of showing that.
no subject
first: thank you so much for actually taking the time to reply to begin with and not be mean about it! i've had comments just going "you suck don't even write again" so having someone actually interested in helping someone better their skills is great!
2nd: i didn't actually notice untill you pointed it out that the indents had gone! grrr stupid lj!! i shall try and remember in future to use a separate line.
I used to do that when i had multiple characters talking but my english teacher told me it was wrong! guess she was full of SH*T!
i got the idea for that line because the week before i wrote this one of my friends from school was beat up on 3 different occasions by boys he'd never met because they thought he was sleeping with their girlfriends despite the fact hes gay as hell and is a "limp wristed gay" as he calls himself.
i know i still do the lower case i thing (see i did it twice there) its a bad habit i've been trying to knock same with the first letters of each sentance. my teachers reckon its from being the only non dyslexic child in a family were EVERYONE is dyslexic so i was bound to pick up some horrible habits. from now on i will try and double check in fic if im doing that!
that is another thing i got from a friend. she has an unusual family to say the least she has 2 dads and 2 mums who have grown up together and when they decided they wanted children they had the treatement i don't remember the name of her birth mother was made pregnant artificially (or DIY with a turkey baster as she calls it) and they never found out who exactly of the 2 the father was so she was treated equally. a few years ago she realised that she was bi and even though her mothers were lesbians and her fathers gay she still thought there was something wrong with her until everyone told her she was an idiot for thinking such things as in our entire town i don't think theres anyone that is completely straight.
no subject
Speaking of which, I liked the Charles/Erik cameo! They are a favorite pairing of mine, and it's fun to see them pop up in Avengers fic. I also thought it was cool how Tony worries about Peter dating a mutant ("What if he's dangerous?") showing that even if Tony is open-minded about sexual orientation, he still might be prejudiced against other things like mutations. Considering the X-Men comics and movies often use mutations as a metaphor for queer sexuality, this added some nuance.
One final thing to think about! There were a couple lines that I could *not* picture Steve Rogers saying:
"...the latest slut the world thinks you're fucking?
and
"Dude no Fury would KILL you!"
I have a hard time picturing Steve saying 'dude', and 'slut'. Especially slut because that word is almost always an insult when used by men, and why would Steve be insulting a woman he knows isn't sleeping with Tony? The only women you mentioned by name were Ellen DeGeneres and Jane Lynch, so when Steve said that, it felt like he was calling Elle DeGeneres a slut. Which is so absurd it's almost funny, but still not something I think Steve would do. I can picture him saying 'fucking', but not casually. Now, you did say this was AU, so if you feel your Steve would speak that way, it's obviously your call. But it felt jarring to me. Especially jarring because your Tony voice seemed good. I liked how he called his son Peterpanda, and I like how he suggesting setting the Hulk on the bullies.
Like I said, I hope next time you spend more time cleaning up the fic before posting it. It might mean that you have to post it a day or two later, but you'll get so many more readers when the fic looks less like a rough draft and more like a finished story. If you feel your story has something unique to give Steve/Tony readers - and I believe it does, and so do you if you posted it to a public community - then don't hide that unique story under a dusty coating. Polish it. Spend some time making it shine. If you have trouble catching your own errors, find a beta reader to help you catch them. There's a beta list here (http://cap-ironman.livejournal.com/721460.html).
Thank you for making it through this rather rambling critique. I hope it was helpful and not disheartening. Let me know if you have any questions!
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I went through the fic and thought i caught all the there their and they're's because usually that's a mistake i DON'T make. I will go back through it now and try and correct any mistakes i missed again. Once again thank you for taking the time to point these things out to me!
Charles/Erik is one of my favourite pairings to! Even before FC came out there was definitely something between them (though i now will forever picture young Charles and Erik as the FC versions now) I see i didn't make it clear why Tony worries if this particular mutant is dangerous it was supposed to be because obviously Erik can control metal and Tony's iron man (despite the fact the suit isn't made of iron) i thought perhaps Tony and Erik had a little rivalry going on because perhaps Erik thought it was funny to trap Tony to the ceiling or use him as a puppet whilst in the suit one time............yeah now i have an idea for a fic with that in it...... but yeah perhaps Tony was worried the kid shared Eriks mutation and would be as big an ass as is father. I can see Steve being more afraid of the mutants despite TECHNICALLY being a mutant himself now (kinda) but i can also see Steve and Charles getting on great because Charles always seemed like he was out of his time and Steve obviously was asleep all those years so i can see them getting on very well, and they both have giant children for husbands.
I did think about the dude thing after i wrote it but thought perhaps hes picked it up off Tony or Clint over the years hes been in the 21st century. But i do agree he wouldn't say slut at all! Especially not about Ellen.
Peterpanda came from FOB actually seeing as Pete Wentz's nickname is/was Peterpanda and Peteypanda.
I usually do use a beta but she wasn't online for a couple of days and i got bored of waiting but next time i shall wait.
Your comments have definitely been helpful and i will try my hardest to take everything on board when i write something else! i have an idea at the moment about the avengers being some of the first students at Charles school so after i finaly catch up with course work that was supposed to be in a few months ago (fail) i will get on that and hopefully i will have done a little better this time
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