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cap_ironman2008-03-03 02:38 am
Fanfic- Harsh- Part 3- The Kiss before the Crash
Title: Harsh- (3) The Kiss before the Crash
Author: Panda
Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Rating: R
Warning: Depression and Substance Abuse
Summary: Takes place right after Tony kisses Steve in Harsh-verse 2
Disclaimer: Marvel’s
Misc.: 3 of ?
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Ok… so my roommate Shannon is my beta right? And she pretty much said she wouldn’t look over my stories for me anymore unless this one has a happy ending (something about it’s too sad and it gave her bad dreams… whatever). So I will promise you guys what I promised her: This story is canon… but if you wait long enough… it WILL have a happy ending! So no worries… patience is a virtue. ^_^;;
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“You can’t do this on your own.” Steve concluded.
Tony’s eyes dropped once again to the bottle. Steve felt his throat choke up. “What Tony please!? What do you want me to do? What can I…”
And suddenly, Steve felt a hard hot pressure upon his lips. His eyes went wide for a moment. Tony.
Tony.
Tony, sick with sweat and fever hot was kissing him.
Steve Rogers closed his eyes.
He gave in.
In a million ways he’d wanted this. This feeling and this moment had played in his mind a countless number of times, in a thousand different fantasies.
-----------Before a battle he’d draw Tony up in a lasting embrace and they would know exactly what to say before they had to part for the fight.
---------------He’d put his arm around Tony during an Avenger’s movie night with certain delight that Tony would melt into him.
----------------Nothing would be happening. Nothing at all, and Steve would just call up Tony and tell him how he felt.
But Steve had never been able to do any of those things. He’d hidden behind duty and a strict sense of teamwork and professionalism. He’d hidden behind the broad star on his chest and the mask that hid his face.
But now a line had been crossed that he’d never been brave enough to even tiptoe. And he found that the world beyond that line held the most amazing things. Or should have…
The kiss was brutal and short and Steve felt his heart pounding, and found himself thinking that it would have been so beautiful if it didn’t hurt so much. Tony pulled away fast and Steve slowly arched and shuttered for air, his eyes still closed. The kiss had been brief but Steve grabbed a hold of the promises it held for the future.
He felt his lips curling slightly into the beginnings of a smile when the dark sloshing liquid sounds of a mouth to a bottle invaded his mind, his soul.
His eyes snapped open.
The bottle Captain
It had been a distraction. The kiss.
His kiss.
Steve’s brain went numb. In less then a minute his heart had been punished for the first time he’d given into Tony Stark as Steve Rogers and not as Captain
Something awful and intense swelled up from within him. Cap ripped the bottle out of Tony’s hand and sent it shattering to the ground. It broke into a thousand pieces.
He shoved Tony up against the wall, his forearm to Tony’s throat.
Tony made a coughing gurgling sound that Captain America chose to ignore.
Steve screamed. It echoed throughout the hallway. Tony hands clenched the arm Steve had on his throat.
“Dun beso clos minded Cap. It was jus a kiss.” Tony managed to choke out.
A kiss. Their kiss. Their FIRST kiss and it was ruined.
Steve couldn’t speak. He couldn’t physically create words.
Unfortunately, Tony didn’t have that problem.
“There’s like 10 morin th- kitchen.” Tony continued, eyeing the remains of the bottle on the floor. He laughed to himself. It was a sick sound.
The weight Steve had on Tony’s throat tightened, then released.
Steve tried to stop shaking. He tried to say something, anything. He couldn’t breathe.
Tony caught his eye. The smile on his face disappeared. He looked at Steve for seemingly the first time that evening.
“Wha… why are you cry--?” But Tony couldn’t finish his question. Steve was kissing him hard against the wall. Steve didn’t let himself hold back. He forced his lips to carry all the things he couldn’t say aloud to Tony’s heart.
When Steve finally pulled away Tony gasped for air. His face held stunned eyes. Then there was a look that replaced the surprise.
A look of realization crept across Tony’s features.
He realized.
He realized exactly what Steve’s kiss meant, and he realized how deeply their previous kiss had touched the other man. How much it had hurt him.
He shook his head as though to clear it.
“Ste—I’m…” Tears were welling up in Tony’s eyes.
Steve found his voice.
“You fight this Tony Stark… I… I can’t fight it for you. No matter how much I want to.” Steve gave him a sad smile and paused to wipe the sweat slick hair away from Tony’s eyes.
“My father was an alcoholic.” Steve said before Captain
There was a long pause. Tony was shaking.
“That’s not…” Tony started.
“It’s how it feels.” Steve interrupted him harshly.
Steve felt Tony lull in his grip and held more of his weight to keep the man standing. Tony’s shoulders hunched and shuttered. Steve could feel him crying.
“So you tell me now,” Steve continued, not willing to give in to the noises Tony was making, no matter how much they broke his heart. “What happens next?”
Tony started to cough again and Steve held him against the wall until it subsided. Inhaling heavily Tony leaned his head forward. His forehead met Steve’s and burned the blond man’s skin as they stood there waiting for Tony’s breath to even out.
“The bedroom,” Steve said after a while. “Or the kitchen?” He ended with contempt in his voice.
He felt Tony’s body tense.
“Bedroom…” Tony replied weakly.
Captain
Steve had heard a lot of promises before. Promises from people who couldn’t keep them, promises from people who were supposed to be taking care of him… not the other way around.
Tony had broken promises. Tony had hurt Steve more then he knew.
But Tony had never sounded like that.
This was different. It had to be.
“Tony…” Steve whispered. “I…”
Tony inhaled and pulled Steve into another kiss. This one was just as rough as the first but it lingered. As Steve let Tony’s tongue touch his, the burn of whiskey sweep back across his throat. But even alcohol couldn’t diminish the feeling Steve had.
This kiss was different. This kiss was theirs.
Steve melted into it and pushed Tony back against the wall. Tony kissed him with desperation and drunken precision, but Steve ignored the imperfections. He was as close to Tony as he always wished he could be. And tonight was just the beginning.
Finally Steve pulled Tony off the wall and half-dragged half-guided him to the main bedroom, kissing him the entire way.
He felt heat rise up in his chest as he pulled himself apart from Tony to open the bedroom door. Tony winced, leaning forward when Steve let him go, but Steve caught him before he fell and actually lifted him up off the ground and walked to the bed.
When Steve settled him onto the mattress Tony coughed again, his hand moving to his ribs.
Steve halted, again remembering the fight Tony had been in earlier that day.
He was beaten up pretty badly. And whatever else he had been doing to himself obviously wasn’t helping.
It was rare for Steve to admit that Tony was only human beneath the armor. Maybe if he’d been more ready to acknowledge that fact, Tony wouldn’t be in his current condition.
Tony pushed himself harder then any other hero Steve knew.
“Tony, are you ok?” Steve’s insides started to constrict.
Tony’s eyes flickered in the direction of Steve’s voice, but he couldn’t quite focus again.
Tony held out an unsteady hand and Steve lowered himself down to kiss Tony’s lips. Tony’s hand gripped tightly onto Steve’s hair. Steve ignored the pain.
Tony sighed when Steve eventually pulled back and he then finally whispered, “I’m fine.”
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
Steve didn’t question it. Tomorrow was a brand new day. A day where Tony would know he wasn’t alone in all of this. Steve kissed him again.
The hand in his hair fell to the bed. Steve pulled back again and closed his eyes tight.
He forced the words to leave his lips; he wasn’t going to let himself remain silent any longer.
“I love you.” He breathed and opened his eyes.
Tony’s breath was deep and steady. His eyes were closed.
“Tony?” Steve put a hand to the man’s chest.
“Tony!” Steve tried, louder this time. Tony didn’t stir.
Steve sat up and sighed.
Good. Good timing
Steve rolled his eyes. He looked down at the man he loved. He looked so tired, even with his breath solid and slow.
Steve repositioned Tony so his head was resting on a pillow. He went to turn a light on in the room and then returned to Stark’s side. He removed the shoes that Tony was still wearing and started unbuttoning Tony’s dress shirt.
It was rumpled and stained with alcohol and blood now that Steve got a closer look at it. He removed it from Tony and threw it towards the clothes hamper.
Apart from the scars that Steve had become accustomed to seeing on Stark’s chest near his heart, dark angry bruises spread across Tony’s torso like a storm front. Steve cursed himself as his hand hovered over them. The colors rose and fell with a steady rhythm and were none the wiser of cutting into Steve Roger’s mind like a knife.
Steve finally moved from Tony’s side and went to search for another shirt Tony could wear so he wouldn’t be cold. Steve’s best guess was a set of dresser drawers by the bathroom.
As he neared the top drawer he noticed the mirror above the dresser was broken. It was shattered in two main points with accompanying shards rippling out like spider webs. Steve paused in front of the mirror and reached out his hand. His fingers stopped by the surface, not quite touching it. There was blood.
Steve whipped back around returned to Tony’s side grabbing both of his hands, examining them desperately.
Tony’s right hand had a crude bandage over a gash that was obviously still bleeding. How had Steve not noticed that before?
He never noticed anything…
He ripped the bandage off. Tony didn’t move.
“It hurts less if you do it fast.” He explained to Tony’s face.
Kneeling by the bed, Steve examined Tony’s wound from punching the mirror. He might not be able to fix the bruises on Tony’s chest or even the demons in his heart, but a cut on his hand? No problem.
Tony had done a horrible job of fixing it himself. Glass shards were still inside the wound. Steve found a pair of tweezers in the bathroom as well as a first-aid kit and went to repairing the only physical problem in the room.
When he was finished he cleaned up after himself, found another shirt for Tony to wear, blushed while removing Tony’s jeans, and moved the man so he was underneath the blankets.
The whole time his mind was buzzing with what he could at last say to Tony now that things between them were different. Now that he’d finally found a voice with which to speak them.
Suddenly, the Avengers Communicator on his belt started blaring. Tony’s was going off in the other room.
Steve looked urgently at Tony’s sleeping form and finally just kissed him one last time.
He’d come up with some excuse as to why Tony couldn’t make it.
Steve hoped that what they’d fought earlier that afternoon wasn’t back…Iron Man would’ve been a good ally to have against that.
But he almost didn’t care. He looked at Tony one last time, turned off the lights and shut the bedroom door.
He’d see Tony tomorrow.
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Steve *wibble* So heart-wrenching. I am loving the dynamics~
I... I'm not sure if I want to say I can't wait to see what's next because I'm pretty sure horrible things are coming next if we're following canon and *grabbyhands* I want it to be all better NOW but it can't be and it's going to be so hurtful ;_____;
Lovely work.
-Tro (is going to bed, for real)
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It's gonna suck for about 3 more chapters...
then... less suckiness
then no suckiness
then heart-wrenching for a bit
there is no end in sight....
i hate my brain ^_^
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brilliant! That was...good. And I mean really good.
He’d hidden behind the broad star on his chest and the mask that hid his face.
I like the contrast between the Captain and Steve.
And tonight was just the beginning.
I hope so.
Tony had done a horrible job of fixing it himself
although it was meant physically...it can stand for much more.
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aww! Thanks so much! I'm glad you are liking the heart ache and woe!
Tony had done a horrible job of fixing it himself
although it was meant physically...it can stand for much more.
---yeah. When left to his own devices Tony is remedial for being such a smart person. That's why Steve is so good for him.
^_^
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And there is no way that Cap is really dead and/or is not coming back really soon! Cuz 1)i will soon rip Quesada's eyes out if he doesn't DO SOMETHING and 2) the Captain America movie is set for 2009 and will be awesome and if there isn't a Steve Rogers to read in Marvel anymore then that's going to loose a lot of potential business. Cap HAS to come back... for he is like crack and Marvel is a big mean pusher...
Let's say my story is Canon up until right after Wanda goes cur-A-zee and Tony disbands the Avengers after the mansion is destroyed.
Then I kinda do my own thing ^_^
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*who am I kidding I am in either way, since marvel's no longer selling my cap crack I will take it where I can get it ^_~ *
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Do you have any more drawings?? I will give you more for drawings! Muhuhahaha!
I'm just kidding! (
Do you have any more drawings?? I will give you more for drawings! Muhuhahaha!
I'm just kidding! ( <_< -_- >_>)
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(Do I have drawings? It is more a question of do I have internet long enough to post properly... *the perils of stealing your signal*)
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smooshed up against the window and tilting my laptop towards the other houses... ^_^
funfun