cap_ironman | [Fanfic, R] Steve's Twenty Answers

Title: Steve's 20 answers

Character: Steve Rogers

Warning: Crack, gone fluffly

Setting: MA:A for this is humor!

Summary: Steve wrote a list about his 20 worst nightmares, Tony found it and wrote a reply list, Steve was angry for Tony reading the list, Tony wrote a list containing his 20 worst nightmares – now it's Steve turn to write back.

AN: #11 is stolen from the movie, but I love that quote to death.

#3's brilliant conclusion is based on the weights and heights given in the marvel wiki entires on them ;)

For lupus_dragon

Okay, I forgive you this time – I know you only meant well, so I forgive you.

I'll even go as far and return the favor of consoling you!

20. Don't worry about your Aunt, I can deal pretty well with any type of Zombies – decapitation always does the job, and we still got some flamethrowers in the garage.

19.Even if your armor were pink (which he isn't, unless I'm colorblind too), you'd definitely look awe inspiring and grand in it. (I'd beat up anybody who'd says otherwise.)

18. Nobody gives a damn about grades nowadays Tony; and wasn't even Einstein bad in school maths? And I'd never stop loving you, even if you got a F-, you endearingly dumb smart guy.

17. I'd never dump you, for nobody, not even to save the world – you should have realized that by now! What do I have to do to make you stop thinking that, write a list titled 40 reasons why I love nobody but Tony Stark?

16. Don't despair my dear, I'd certainly come to your rescue; I've got tons of fan letters from lonesome secretaries, who would do anything for going on a date with me. Literally, anything.

15. First of all, Reed will never join the Avengers; second, he'd never outsmart you, and thirdly, even if he did outsmart you one time, he surely wouldn't dare to outsmart you a second time. I'd personally see to that.

14. Tony, you can't seriously still have nightmares about that goddamn coffee Nazi breaking down! And anyway, you've got the second biggest reserves of instant coffee piled up in our basement; there could be 300 years of nuclear winter, and you'd be able to have a bath in coffee every morning as long as you live.

13. Well, if I talk to my shield, what should be so strange about you talking to our furniture then? But if the arm chair is bothering you, just tell me, and I'll tell him to shut up and leave you alone.

12. Hm, I never knew your kitchen-phobia was that bad – sorry for making fun of you, I didn't know it was was giving you nightmares!

Starting tomorrow, we'll work on getting you cooking-proof. If you can built a fusion reactor out of a toaster and fix a car, you for sure can learn how to make a good panna cotta.

11. I'm a bit confused, and I really don't want to know just where you'd get that from, but I've caught you doing worse and you having something... like that is almost sweet. Weird, disturbing, probably pervert, but sweet.

10. Uhm, prototype #423.A, is that the one with the you-know-whats who can do I-think-I-don't-need-to-go-en-detail? And with the I-have-to-laugh-just-thinking-about-it thingy? Actually Tony, I already have seen it... And after the initial shock, I made me understand a few things which highly benefited our love life.

9. I'd break the law for you anytime and procure unlimited supplies from Canada for you.

8. Even if you woke up as a 3527 pound hippopotamus, I'd still love you, even if we would need a new bed, amongst other things. (Though, if I'd have a word in it, I'd choose the toy poodle over the hippo anytime. I always wanted to have a dog... )

7. Tony, you can't possibly ever be a boy bad enough to make me not get you something for Christmas; even if you enslaved the world and became an evil over lord of doom, destruction and despair, I'd still be you Santa Claus on December the 24^th.

6. I wonder what it is with you and Nick and castration; you two have to get together to talk about your power issues one day, this can't continue. But you don't have to have any nightmares about Fury being our chaperon; chastity and virtue are words he needs to look up in the dictionary for gives a damn about them.

5. Tony, I don't want to give you a heart attack, but I found your first white hair five years ago (though not uhm, on your head); but before you consider yanking them out or dying your hair, let me tell you I rather like the idea of you having a few grayish strands. I think it would be... hot?

4. If you think I don't know that you've got 50 terrabyte of private porn on your computer, I'll have to disappoint you. And if you think that having videos of us making love does bother me, I'll have to disappoint you yet again. But if you think I'm disappointed about you not showing them to me, you're right my dear!

3. Your body mass index is 24.5, mine is 30.2...

If anybody should be having nightmares about being too fat to fit uniform, it's me Tony.

2. Uhm, who are the Illuminati? But never mind, I'll defend you against any body-hair waxing villain in the world! Nobody touches your sweet curls and mustache but me and your trimmer.

1. I'm not mad, and I'll never think you're an idiot or hate you. And whilst it's not in our power to stop bad things from happening,
I'll still want to promise you to never leave your side - not in life and not in death.

Yours, Steve

[Fanfic, R] Steve's Twenty Answers

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