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cap_ironman2009-01-01 07:10 pm
[Fanfic, R] My Twenty Worst Nightmares, Steve
Title: My Twenty Worst Nightmares
Character: Steve Rogers
Warning: Uber!Crack-fic
Summary: Doc Samson asked Steve to do a list of things that scare him... He probably was expecting something else.
AN: And the crackbunny said, let there be madness!
Hope you like it, you nutty thing :P Prompt. Prompt?
20. Tony being turned into a toddler and being dead afraid of me, starting to cry just on seeing me from afar.
19. Kang the conqueror singing Rod Stewart's Do ya think I'm sexy in our bedroom whilst we're making love, and us being turned on by it.
18. The serum failing, me turning old and feeble in seconds, Viagra not yet being invented.
17. Tony revealing himself to be the Red Skull.
17. Tony revealing himself to be the Red Skull, and me still thinking he's drop-dead gorgeous and wanting to nail him on the kitchen table.
16. Falling asleep whilst Tony is stripping for me.
15. Janet talking me into having a rhinoplasty to look like Barbara Streisand.
14. Getting caught by Thor wearing high heels and stockings
14. Getting caught by Logan wearing high heels and stockings and him wanting to mate with me.
14. Getting caught by Logan wearing high heels and stockings, him wanting to mate with me, Tony walking onto us and wanting to film us.
13. Finding a 'Made in Japan' engraving on my shield
12. Walking onto Tony doing it with ten Swedish super model in a swinging hot tub - ten MALE Swedish super models – without asking me to join in.
11. Forgetting Tony's birthday.
11. Remembering Tony's birthday and having nothing but a empty chocolate box to give him.
10. Iron Man doing me from behind, bent over a fireplug, in front of the white house, with the president and all congressmen and women.
9. Tony being turned into a burger by Dr Strange and me accidentally eating him.
8. Having to bake a red-gold-blue-white three-tier cake for our wedding and running out of icing sugar.
7. Tony dying his hair platinum blond.
6.Waking up and finding somebody tattooed bittch on my forehead.
(Dyslexia is the ruin of this country.)
5. Having, out of the blue, given birth to a thirty pound blond boy with a gigantic black mustache, who's smoking cigarettes and yelling at me 'Yo Ma, I'm Steve junior, nice to meet you biatch!'
4.Tony being turned into a woman and waging war on men, starting with me.
3. Having to play chess against Nick Fury.
3. Having to play chess against Nick Fury and win.
2. Tony introducing me to his parents, who after talking to me for two minutes declare me a complete failure and unfit for their son and refuse to give us their blessing.
1. Me and Tony waking up one day, and look at each other, and find we have completely forgotten how much we love each other, and why we did get together.
0. Tony finding this list.
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Though, on a second thought Ö.Ö - ENVY!Maria Hill!! XD
Ah, I think Steve wrote this sober (does alcohol work on him? hm, gotta google that). I like to think of Steve as a person who's taking things waaay to literally and being so honest it hurts - I always imagine him a bit like Discworld's Carrot XD Too good to be good ;)
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